Brandon Flowers - The Clock Was Tickin

 

Philip Selway - By Some Miracle

 

"When your heirloom's wilted brown, when the devil's pushing down, when your mourning has a sound, and you hesitate to laugh, how quickly will your joy pass?" - Sufjan Stevens

I sure am glad to see Friday. This has been one hellacious week. I literally didn't sit down to eat something until 9pm last night. I think I'm probably happier than my kids that I don't have to do homework tonight. Oh, and in response to the commenter who doesn't understand why I help my kids with their homework, I just really feel they need the help. My 10 year old only needs help on studying for tests and such which usually consists of calling out words to him. My 8 year old has ADHD and ODD, so he needs special attention, and by special attention I mean I have to get the fly swatter out just to make him sit down at the table.  Lastly, my 5 year old has just started school, so I want to help her until she gets the hang of things.

I always know the week with my kids is going to be hectic, but I feel like I'm never fully prepared for it. Jerry and I went to the county fair last weekend. It's was the first time I've been to the fair without kids in tow since I was a teenager. We had a blast! I felt so carefree. I remember telling Jerry while we were there that we needed to soak it up while it lasted, because the kiddos were coming the next day, and we would have to be responsible adults again. I didn't know at the time how truly rough this week would be. We've gone from two teenagers in love to two old, tired strangers in a span of a week. The demands of 3 kids can really take it's toll on a relationship. I think it's a testament to how much we love each other that we have made it this far. I mean, think about it. We moved in together, had 3 kids, and bought/remodeled a house all in the span of a year. Just one of those things can often break a relationship.

It's also helped that I have received a lot of support from Jerry's family. When my own family abandoned me, they were there, making a complete stranger feel welcomed. They really have been great. In some ways, I feel closer to them than my own family. I can certainly talk to them about things that I couldn't with my own family. They are so open and warm. They give each other big hugs, and even include me. I got hugs the first time I met them. My family doesn't do hugs.

I was especially touched when a couple of months ago one of Jerry's sisters gave me the ring you see in the above photos. It is so special to me because it was their mom's ring. Jerry's mom died a few years ago, so I never got to meet her. He often says we were a lot alike, and he thinks she would have really liked me. I'm honored that I get to wear the ring of a woman who taught her children to be so kind and accepting of others. I only hope I can instill the same values in my own children.         

Sufjan Stevens - Heirloom

 

"Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves...Springtime calls her children until she lets them go at last." - Iron and Wine

I stated in my last post that I was way behind on outfit posts. Well, I'm officially crazy behind on them now. There is just not enough hours in the day, especially during kid week. I've wanted to do a post since Sunday, but it just wasn't happening. You see, I pick up my kids every other Sunday and from the time their little feet hit the floor of my house, my life is a whirlwind of dropping off, picking up, doing homework, feeding, cleaning, etc., etc. That is until another Sunday rolls around, and then they are off to their dad's and the chaos is replaced by silence.

A couple of my single co-workers have said they envy my setup of one week with the kids, one week without. They say it's the best of both worlds, and the only way they could fathom dealing with the pressures of motherhood themselves. I say the grass is always greener on the other side. My life is in a constant state of change. It's so hard to get into a routine, and as you fellow moms know, routine is key when it comes to children. It's either feast or famine around my house. There is no happy medium. It would be so much easier to have the "usual setup" of the mom getting the kids most of the time and the dad getting them every other weekend, but I didn't feel that was the best thing for my children or my ex-husband. I wanted the kids to have equal time with both of us, so this was the best option we came up with. Don't get me wrong, it's working out very well and the kids seem to have adjusted wonderfully to it. It's just difficult for old mom (and I'm sure dad) sometimes.

I've got one child who has football practice 3 nights a week and another one who has dance 2 nights a week. My little girl started Kindergarten, so now I've got 3 kids with homework.  Thankfully, Jerry does homework with my oldest, so that's one less thing off my plate. However, my middle child is in third grade this year and the homework has gotten significantly harder, and we are struggling to get through it each night. Tuesday night is the only night all the kids come directly home, so we use that night to catch our breath. As luck would have it, PTA was last night and it lasted 2 hours. By the time I got home, it was 9pm, and I hadn't even started on their homework yet. I suddenly found myself completely overwhelmed.

Given all this, you would think I would welcome my week off from the kids, but it doesn't really work out that way. If I'm being honest, I do think to myself during particularly chaotic moments, "It's going to be so nice to have some alone time next week." However, as soon as my kids are out the door, and I'm left with a empty, quiet house, I'm incredibly sad. I miss my babies terribly when they are not with me. I usually get out of the house as soon as they leave, because the immediate silence drives me crazy. It's all the more difficult, because I don't have anyone to talk to who can relate. I know plenty of divorced people, but not a single one of them has joint custody.

I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess it's just what's on my mind today. I also thought it might help some of you who are struggling with the chaotic life that comes with motherhood to know that it's a privilege to do what you do on a everyday basis. I know it doesn't seem like it when you are struggling through those math problems or barely making it to all the different places you have to be each day, but it's not something that should be taken for granted. Enjoy this time while it lasts, because you will miss it when it's gone.      

Iron Wine - Passing Afternoon

Gotye - Save Me

 

Iron Wine - Naked As We Came

 

"I get swept away when I think of you. Take me to that place. Your words control my moves." - The XX

I was having a hard time with the wind while taking these pictures. My hair kept blowing in my face, and I was fighting as best I could to push it back. Jerry told me to just let it blow in my face. I felt stupid, standing there with my hair all in my face, but he kept telling me I looked beautiful. I wasn't expecting much when I took a look at these pictures, but I was shocked to see that the ones with my hair in my face were the best ones in the bunch.

I have a tendency to want to control everything in my life. It causes me a lot of stress. It's so nice to have someone around to remind me to just let go.

The xx - Swept Away

 

"And the only way to last and the only way to live it is to hold on when you get love and let go when you give it." - Stars

I've been feeling mighty fine lately. Sure, I've got the same old problems and struggles I've always had, but my attitude has changed. I think this change is due in part to three main factors. First, I've been conscientiously working on bettering myself. Secondly, I was inspired by another person's actions, but not in the way they intended. And finally, Fall is in the air and who couldn't be happy about that!

If you remember, I wrote a post about hitting rock bottom a few months ago and resolved to dig myself out of my funk. I have really worked hard to follow through on this, and I feel that I have made great progress. I've been shopping much less and spending more time with my loved ones, I've completed tasks that I had been putting off for months, and I've just been doing some overall housekeeping in my life. Given my success, I decided to put myself through the ultimate test this weekend and go to an Anthropologie store for the first time in over a month. My goal was to do an exchange of merchandise and not spend any money. I didn't meet my goal, but I did pretty darn good. I walked out of Anthropologie only spending $40. I got this dress to show for it, and I couldn't be happier with my purchase. I can see myself wearing it through every season, on it's own during the warmer months and layered with sweaters, tights, and boots during the colder ones.

A few posts back, I mentioned having a conversation with a very closed minded person. Initially, I was very upset by this person's lack of understanding, but over the past few days I've made peace with it. I've realized just how fortunate I am. There are so many mean, bitter, and angry people walking around out there. I'm sure they feel they deserve to feel this way because of all the wrongs that have been committed against them, but I've got a news flash for them: We've all had wrongs committed against us. The thing that defines us is how we choose to react to them. There's a quote that says something to the effect that expectations are resentments under construction. I couldn't agree more. It's so much easier to live life being kind and understanding rather than mean and judgemental.

I'm pretty sure the weather this week has helped with my attitude as much as anything. It's been in the upper 50's at night and the 70's during the day. Oh, and there's been no humidity. No humidity is a glorious thing! My hair has actually looked decent for a change, and I love going out for walks now. This type of weather reminds me of when Jerry and I first started taking pictures together. I looked it up and our first shoot was September 4, 2010. I could have never forseen the changes my life has gone through since that day, but I'm so thankful for all of it, even the bad parts. It's such a rare gift to give and receive love freely, with no strings attached. It reminds me of another quote I love: "And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.”

Stars - Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It