Let's Agree to Disagree

I made a post yesterday and today that offended some people. For that, I am truly sorry. I have removed both the posts that were found so offensive. I assure you, this is not a publicity stunt. I could care less about publicity. I'm just a mother of 3 who gets joy out of writing this blog. I don't like hurting people, and I feel awful right now. I'm sorry. I'm human. I spoke my mind, and I'm sorry if some on you didn't like what you read. All I can do is apologize and hope you forgive me. Please don't comment with offensive comments. Let's just agree to disagree.

CONVERSATION

108 comments:

  1. Hang in there. It seems like you are going through a rough patch right now. I enjoy reading the blog very much.
    Hoping things turn upwards for you...

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  2. I enjoy your blog. I am trying to remember what you said that was offensive. Why don't people just move on if they don't like what you have to say.

    Seems like a little bad patch for you. Here's wishing things turn around starting today!

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  3. Don't worry, I feel like things got a little blown out of proportion. Don't dwell on this episode! I love your outfits, reviews, and photography and would really miss you if you stopped blogging!

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  4. We all make mistakes and get emotional. It's okay and is human. Let's all take a step back so we can grow forward together and be happy! You are all wonderful people, don't let something like this get in the way. The year is still young!

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  6. Hey there,
    I really enjoy reading your blog and hope that you continue to post. I read what happened and was really surprised. Blogs are about opinions and if someone disagrees, that's their right. As you noted, it's not necessary to disagree on someone's blog b/c that's their space. So to have petty fights/bickerings is like high school drama. Rise above it! You're better than them. I understand how you feel, as a fellow curvy chick, it can be very hard to find clothes that make and look you feel great, whereas skinny minnies seem to have it easier. But the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm sure that they think the opposite. If this blog makes you happy, you should continue to do it! Don't let one rotten apple spoil the bunch. There are always haters out there who take joy in ruining someones day. The best revenge is living well, ignoring them, and moving on because they don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I hope you feel better.

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  7. I read your post yesterday and I didn't see anything offensive in it. I think what people don't understand is that blogs are personal and when we are tired we tend to vent but there is nothing offensive in that. I enjoy your blog and read it everyday and encourage you not to let a few negative comments change it.

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  8. I don't think you need to worry too much about it! You apologized for hurting anyone and that means a lot. Ultimately, this is your blog. Everyone has opinions and that's one of the awesome things about blogs. Blogs let us voice our opinions. One of the hazards of a place like the internet, which allows such a free exchange of ideas, is that people sometimes get offended. Personally, I didn't think anything you said was bad at all! That is, however, just my opinion :)

    I personally really enjoy your blog. I don't have a blog or anything, and nor do I really want to, but I admire the courage it takes to have one. Hang in there!

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  9. I just wanted to chime in and say that I hope you keep the blog going. Your photography is amazing, and I like reading what you have to say.

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  10. I read your post yesterday and I too cannot recall anything ofensive???
    Dear person who took offense to whatever it was you read,
    If you don't like it - don't read it.
    Signed,
    Jenn Giroux

    P.S. Bonnie - I love your blog!

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  11. It's your blog and you can write anything you want, if someone doesn't like it they shouldn't read it. I think it's pretty simple. I enjoy your blog and postings and I was completely mystified by what was considered upsetting. If you wrote something I didn't like then it's really my issue to deal with. I hope you don't feel too badly and I look forward to your next post.

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  12. I agree with Anon #3. If I were offended (which I am not in any way), the apology would mean a lot. Secondly, it *is* your blog. I am a stick straight size 0 and I don't mind hearing that a dress may flatter a body type unlike my own. Your blog, your opinions and there's nothin' wrong with that. Keep doing what you're doing, Bonnie.

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  13. i missed the "offensive" post...but i say don't worry about it, it's your blog, write what you want. freedom of speech! write on girl!

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  14. I have no idea what was offensive in your post yesterday. I wonder sometimes how people seem to feel that they have the freedom to write in blog comments what they would never say IRL... I just came across your blog a few weeks ago and as a fellow Anthro lover, I have enjoyed seeing you style clothes that I also own and you've given me a lot of new ideas. My husband is also a professional photographer and I've enjoyed looking at your blog photos. I'm also a mom who loves fashion and dressing up, so it's been fun to read a blog that resonates with where I am in life. I'm sorry that you've been feeling sick, stressed, and unhappy and feel frustrated that some jerk would go out of their way to make you feel bad for expressing yourself. Hang in there and keep on going! :)

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  15. Bonnie- there was NOTHING offensive in your post. Geesh! What is wrong with people? Wish I had seen the comments. You should delete those comments, not your post! I love your blog. Keep your head up, lady!

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  16. Hi Bonnie, I've enjoyed reading your blog and always look forward to your photos and outfits. I hope you feel better and decide to continue to blog -- I'm still very interested in your clothing review post you mentioned before this whole situation happened. FYI, I'm a size 0 and took no offense at all to your comment. :)

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  17. I read your blog everyday, Bonnie and did not find anything offensive in your post. Your blog is where you are able to freely express yourself. If that person doesn't like what you have say, don't read it.

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  18. I don't think I've ever commented here but I read your blog every single day (well, when there's an update, but you know what I mean!) I certainly hope you've reconsidered closing up shop - I love seeing your outfits every day, and more so the beautifully shot photography (the backgrounds are always so artfully composed!) I'm not sure why people feel the need to berate others on their personal blogs - I can't for the life of me remember what you said that could've been in the slightest bit misinterpreted, but I guess everyone has their triggers. Please keep up with the blogging (or maybe you could consider going private, and those who really don't want to be here just won't have to see it.)

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  19. I too am a size 0, and I DID take offense to your comment, and felt it was hurtful. If anyone has any doubt about whether or not it was inappropriate, think about this: If a size 0 blogger had said "I look great in this dress, but other bloggers who are not as skinny as me don't look as good in it", there would be a public outcry about it. Why is it ok to say something that MIGHT offend a skinny person, but not ok to say something that MIGHT offend a curvy person? I'm not here to rile people up, but people, just THINK about it. Doesn't this seem like hypocrisy?
    And for the record, a BIG part of what many people were upset about was the comment about the 12 days of Christmas project being unfair. I mean it wasn't a rigged contest or anything. It was just some friends getting together to create something beautiful for US ALL to enjoy. And to say something bad about it because you were not part of it, just seems in bad taste. That's just my 2c, not trying to offend anyone.

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  20. I agree with Aisha Lee above. I am a SKINNY ANTHRO BLOGGER and feel like if I had said "I don't think curvy bloggers look good in this dress", there would be hell to pay. Why can't people see that straight-figured girls have just as much of a right to be offended by derogatory comments about them as curvy/overweight girls are?
    Is this logic really too complex for most people's intelligence? Or is this just an example of one person riling up a mob, and everyone else going along with it under the mob-mentality current.

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  21. Bonnie - I am old enough to say "ignore the haters" - they, too, shall pass. You are beautiful and your stylings are lovely. Your photography is stupendous. Rise above the nay-sayers and just keep doing what you love. So many of us enjoy you and what you have to say. I really do wish people could just all get along.... sending lots of hugs and love your way! xoxo

    Girls Day Out gdo-family.blogspot.com

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  22. Yes, the comment about the dress not looking good on skinny bloggers was hurtful, but you had a right to say it, since it's your blog. By the same logic, Tara and Tien and Princess-whatever, and the other girls had a right to speak up if they were hurt by your comment.

    Freedom of speech is for everyone. It is only unfortunate that some people like Bonnie misuse and abuse this freedom to deride and belittle other bloggers in public.

    I for one, loved the Christmas project that all the girls put up on Tara's blog. Many people commented that they would wake up every morning to see the newest picture, and it was something they looked forward to everyday, a reason for them to smile. Why did you feel the need to bash that project just because you weren't chosen to be in it, Bonnie? Is that how a middle-aged woman ought to act?

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  23. Anon at 5.42: It's hard to take anything you say seriously, since you call people ugly, and insult people outright.
    Bonnie, if you honestly feel bad at all for your derisive comments, you should do the first mature thing here by removing all traces of this mess from your blog, including this post, and by keeping a tighter leash on your comment system so that people can't anonymously attack other bloggers and commenters on here.
    re you proud of yourself for making your blog such a conduit of hate and viciousness?

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  25. The Anon who said Tara B defended "that ugly girl Jen" (from vintageglammz blog) is seriously out of line and that comment needs to be deleted IMMEDIATELY. Bonnie, you are seriously fostering an environment of nastiness on here. It's disturbing, dirty, and I will personally take it upon myself to spread the word who whoever will listen, that this blog is nothing but a place for one mean girl to rile up other mean girls and basically have a mean girl party, bashing on successful bloggers.

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  26. It IS totally okay to say something that might offend a curvy person. Just like it's okay to say something that might offend a person with a large chest or a small chest or whatever. Outfits are cut a certain way and sometimes designers have a specific body type (or part) in mind that flatters a body part or makes another body part look completely horrible. If people couldn't speak their mind without fearing they might offend someone, then nobody would be talking.

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  27. I visit your blog because you write from the heart - no sugar-coating your life or feelings.

    All this over dresses? Please.

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  28. Oh wow. Bonnie, maybe all we ugly skinny girls would take your apology seriously if you would actually screen your comments for words like "that ugly girl Jen". Jen is your fellow blogger. How can you justify giving this angry mob a place to hate on poor Jen, and on Tara and Tien for simply conveying to you that you hurt their feelings?
    Anon commenter who calls Jen ugly, your cowardice and venom disgusts me. You must feel right at home here on this blog. Yuck. Yuck yuck yuck. You make me sick.

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  29. I did not say "I look great in this dress and other bloggers who are not as fat as me don't look as good in it." You are taking my words out of context and I'm not going to stand for that! I said that, IN MY OPINION, the dress looks better on curvier body types. Just because I said it doesn't make it true. This is something I tell my kids all the time. One of my kids will get all upset because the other tells them their stupid. I tell my kids that just because someone says something doesn't make it true. As far as the comment about the 12 Days of Christmas project. I was just telling how I truly felt. It IS the reason why I did my New Year's contest. I wanted to do something everyone could participate in. I would have never said anything if Tara hadn't left that comment. Her comment upset me, and being human, I reacted when I should have kept my mouth shut. If fact, when I announced my contest, I gave her credit for inspiring me and linked back to her blog. I don't like it when people leave others out. Everyone who participated in the 12 Days of Christmas had a badge on their blog like they were part of some exclusive club or something. It touched a nerve with me. That's how I FELT about it. Again, that doesn't mean I'm right and that doesn't make it true. I don't appreciate being called a nasty, mean person by people who don't even know me. I've been apologizing all night just for speaking my mind, but I haven't received a single apology for being attacked as a person!

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  30. Crys and Reuben- are you Bonnie's sons?

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  31. ^i totally second this.

    no matter what bonnie there are some people who will always find something to pick a fight over.

    lets face it - i'm not the tinest girl so most of what i might feature probably wouldn't look good for people who don't have my body type and that's just the way it is.

    <3

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  32. ^ i was referring to the anonymous post at 6:02pm.

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  33. Also, I would like to know how I've been continually belittling other bloggers? This baffles me. Please provide some examples to back up your claims.

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  34. Oh Bonnie- you should delete these nasty comments from these women. Wow! Talk about catty and stupid! Your comment about the dress looking better on a curvier frame was not offensive at all! People need to get a grip. Maybe filter your comments so you don't have to have this crap associated with your blog.

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  35. Bonnie, Tara B's project was called 12 days of xmas, not 23 days or 46 days or 87 days, but 12 days. So she invited the 12 bloggers she was most familiar with. It's fairly simple logic. She didn't know you, so she didn't invite you. Don't you get it, girl, seriously?

    If you'd like to be taken seriously in the blogging community and maybe be a part of something bigger than yourself NEXT time, then maybe you should just try being nicer and not bashing on your fellow bloggers.

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  36. The blogging community discussed blog about clothing, not rocket science or politics. How serious does it need to get?

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  37. As far as screening comments. That's something I've never had to do on this blog before, so I don't have it setup to do that. I'm trying to get my kids to bed, and I just saw the comment about Jen. I will delete it. I'm not "fostering an environment of nastiness." Jeez! Before all this drama, I didn't have a reason to delete comments.

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  38. I think you just change your settings on your blog account- not real difficult. Sorry you are having to deal with all this nonsense! Rise above it like I know you will!

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  39. Anonymous' Husband/Boyfriend/LoverJanuary 6, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    Come on ladies.. The post is titled let's agree to disagree. The author made it a point to leave the past in the past and to move on. Why don't we all do the same. RELAX ALREADY. GO SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOUR HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/CHILDREN.

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  40. Hi Bonnie and anyone else who cares to read this calmly and rationally:

    Bonnie, I had not 1 but 2 people email me about your dress comment, and yes, I still think your dress comment was hurtful to anyone who doesn't have a curvy figure. But I fully defend your right to say whatever you want on your own blog. I just wanted to bring to your attention that it WAS hurtful. Maybe you didn't mean it as such, but that's how it was construed.

    As for the Christmas project, please let me be very clear: I could only have 12 bloggers, and so naturally, I chose the 12 bloggers that I knew best. I didn't know of your blog at the time, so you weren't invited- that's all, really. I have nothing against you personally. In fact, if this whole mess blows over some day, I welcome your participation on my blog in the future.

    At the risk of sounding like a tool, something good did come out of this mess- I found out about your blog and got to read some of your posts. I only wish that I hadn't found you under these miserable circumstances, but hey, silver lining!

    Everyone, PLEASE stop picking on Bonnie. PLEASE stop picking on me. And please, please stop picking poor Jen- she's not even part of this mess at all.

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  43. these blogs are all about clothes, right. perspective people..... Bigger things to worry about in life.

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  44. Tara: Thanks for your comment. Sorry this has gotten blow so out of proportion. I understand that you could only have 12 bloggers since it was 12 days, but my point is I don't agree with doing something that excludes others. You have your opinion, I have mine. End of story.

    I think I have setup my comments so I can monitor them now. Interesting how something negative brings some many comments. I think I averaged about 7 comments per post before today.

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  45. Sorry for all the typos! I've typed more than normal today. LOL!

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  46. Anon commenter who trash talked Jen from vintageglammz- you're pathetic for posting comments about someone's looks. Looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as far as Bonnie and her supporters are concerned.

    Have fun on your mediocre blog.

    By the way, ONE question for Bonnie- Kim from Anthroholic is currently doing a 7 day Style Anthroholic feature on her blog, where she invited 7 of her favorite bloggers to do guest posts through this week. Were YOU invited to that? And what are your thoughts on this?

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  47. Bonnie, I personally love your blog and as a fellow 'curvy' gal, I appreciate your style and point of view. I love seeing Anthro or other brands on fellow bloggers, but it's nice when I can identify with someone's body type a little more like mine too. Please keep up the blog and just remember, it's YOUR blog. Do what makes you happy!

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  48. Ladies, really? Bonnie runs a great blog. I don't think she intentionally set out to hurt anyone's feelings. I read the post and didn't find any of it offensive. It seems to me that everyone that was offended has to get in the last word. Bonnie keep blogging. We think your blog is great.

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  49. I have been reading about 20 Anthro blogs daily for the past couple of years and quite a number of times I have seen a blogger comment that "this would not look good on the curvier girls/girls with bigger chests etc" yet no one has ever flamed her popular blog for it.

    SO now someone turns it on a skinny person (lucky for them) who 75% of nice clothing is made for and has a comment along the lines of "holy shit this will not suit a skinny girl" and so many people are offended. Give me a break. When I see a sentance like that (being a curvy girl) I think SQUEEEEEE something for me!

    Apparently these are the same kind of people who want to sensor the works of Mark Twain as well.

    Keep writing and go ahead and moderate comments if you feel the need, I personally wouldn't moderate them - but I enjoy this bull-hooey drama.

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  50. I'm suppose to take moral advice from someone who calls my blog mediocre? LOL! "Bonnie and her supporters" I didn't realize I had such a conspiracy going on over here. This is just hilarious!

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  51. Hi Bonnie,
    I, too, read your blog daily, but I've never posted. I think you'll find you had more readers and supporters than you ever knew!
    I'm so sorry all this negativity has found a way to your blog. It really is a turn-off and I know it isn't what you were after at all.
    I didn't think your comment was offensive, but I'm curvy as well. I really felt like you were saying you were so happy to find something that finally fit a curvy girl. No offense to those who aren't. If I had been offended, and had any respect for you or what you do, I would have sent you a private email. Anything as public as a blog comment seems to me to stem from ulterior motives. I believe there are people here seeking attention and looking to rile others up as well. Not cool.
    And as for anonymous posting, I wouldn't allow it, Bonnie. There are people obviously taking advantage of that and hiding behind anonymous posts to make childish and nasty comments. Totally not cool.
    This is your blog. You've apologized. What else is there?

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  52. I'm not sure what was said about the 12 days of christmas, but from what I gather Bonnie might have said something about feeling excluded, which probably made Tara feel equally hurt as I'm sure she never meant to do. She just thought it would be a cool co-blogger project with some of her friends. How Bonnie felt was her own feelings and shouldn't have been hated on, however next time I'm sure Bonnie will be more careful of what she says regarding other bloggers. Give her a chance, this is one thing in numerous post. People learn to from their mistakes, and this is just a really small mistakes. Really this should just be between Tara and Bonnie. Our involvement in it is just blowing this way out of proportion. I'm sure if this exchange had occured between them they could have discussed thier feelings and come away with an understanding of what the project was about and that the hurt Bonnie originaly felt was really unfounded.
    On the other topic about her feeling a dress looked better on curvy types instead of skinny girls. Well so what. I read numerous blogs that have outfit reviews and I have seen many mention that a dress won't work or looks better on curvy types or on skinny types. And I agree that the crochet dress is best on curvy types. I'm a skinny girl and I tried the dress on and read the reviews on it and even the skinny girls who have tried it on say that it just hangs off of them.

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  53. Hey Bonnie,

    I read your blog occasionally and there are things I agree, and some I don't. But blogs are not supposed to be universally pleasing - they're the honest and unedited personal opinions of the bloggers. I get what the girls are saying about not completely agreeing with your opinion, and may even feel hurt about it. At the end of the day though, it's just a blog, and I think it's silly that people get so emotional about a simple comment. I'm sure if you took the time and edited, you could make it politically correct to please everyone. But that's not the point of a blog. You're not getting paid to write. You're doing it for yourself. I admit, I myself am human, and is sometimes not politically (or otherwise) correct about certain things, and I might accidentally let some things slip too. You're human. We're all human. Everyone, let's just stop the hating. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is that she apologized for them.

    The nasty comments some people are leaving are getting out of hand, to the point where they are far more offensive than your original post. Those who are complaining about Bonnie, please take a good look at yourselves and realize that you're no better - is that really the way to solve things? Respond to a hurtful comment with something 100 times more hurtful? Who's more in the wrong, in this case? Are we children? Pot calling the kettle black? She apologized - just move on!

    To Bonnie, I'm really sorry this is happening to you. They're just being childish and please don't take these comments to heart, and take care.

    - Angela Chung

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  54. P.S. I really don't think Bonnie intentionally meant to hurt anyone. Mistakes happen, and as long as she's not maliciously out to get anyone, it's cool.

    Btw, still waiting patiently for your reviews :) Take your time though - you've been through quite a bit.

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  55. Why don't you take down this post altogether, as some people have suggested? Are you simply enjoying finally having people comment on your blog? You're just riding on the success of more popular bloggers by using your blog to create scandal about them. Not cool.

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  56. Good Lord people! Get a life!!! Who the heck cares about a comment like "This dress looks better on a curvy body type." If that statement is offensive to you, you have a major problem! With all of the horrible things going on in the world today, that is what you take offense to? Seriously? Wow, no wonder the world is going to crap.....

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  57. I don't want to get involved here, just wanted to say I'm glad that Bonnie and Tara have resolved things, and that Bonnie, I hope you continue to blog :)
    Also, to anonymous who brought up my 7 Days of Style Anthroholic - please don't bring me into this - thanks :)

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  58. Bonnie, I have come to really enjoy your blog and I appreciate your candor and willingness to talk about things that you feel vulnerable about. I read your recent posts and it didn't even occur to me that they might be offensive. You didn't attack anyone personally, and yeah, you expressed hurt that you were left out of an activity that some of your fellow bloggers were invited to. So what? I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people are taking any of that personally. The pot-stirring self-righteous comments (particularly those by the anonymous 'Anthro bloggers' who lack the courage to use their names - suspecting, perhaps, that their loyal readers might be turned off by such snideness?) say much more about them than it does you. And from the perspective of a reader who reads pretty much ALL the Anthro blogs, it's a giant turnoff. If I'm reading an Anthro-focused blog, chances are I landed there because I'm interested the clothes, and if a blogger happens to be a funny or witty or generally down-to-earth person, that's a bonus. If not, eh, I linger long enough to appreciate the pics and reviews and move on, But once a fashion blogger becomes so impressed with herself that she feels the need to go on the attack over some perceived Infringement of the Blogger's Code, ugh - forget it. I don't want to waste my time reading that crap. The negative comments about your posts smack of a mean girls gang-up, and it's kind of gross (and yet laughable. Such BLUSTERING! Over CLOTHING!)

    I hope you'll recognize that these people are only a small contingent of your readers, disengage from this fight, and go back to posting as you always have. 

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  59. Bonnie, why don't you just remove this post, as some have suggested? Are you simply enjoying the increased traffic and comment volume that this nasty episode has generated for your blog?

    If not, then why don't you just erase all traces of this ugliness and move on, girl?

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  60. Bonnie, I adore your blog. And you. I read your blog because you love fashion and your family.

    (Which is awesome, btw.) :)

    I had some similar shiz-nit happen to me at my blog a while back and here is what I did. I stopped writing for a bit, found some solace in my life outside of my blog, and when I came back to my blog, I just stopped trying so danged hard to please all. It seemed that, no matter what, I would, every three months or so, just get a bunch of doo-doo over at my blog in the comments section.

    Now I write when I want, when I can, and when I do write, I brace myself for the possibility of negativity, and when it doesn't come, I celebrate! (That seems kind of sad, but in reality, I have found I am pretty darn happy on a regular basis with this system!) And when I have someone say something kind of awful, I just know it will pass, and with the power of the commenting system disqus, I can choose to block certain IP addresses from ever commenting again if the comment is truly something that worries me (like about my kids, etc., and that is something I worry about for any blogger that shows their kids).

    I have not seen or followed the original post that caused this ruckus, so I will not say anything in regards to that...I just felt like you needed to read that this cr*p will pass, and that you will figure something out that will keep you from having to go through this again.

    Thinking of you. :)

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  61. Hi Bonnie

    Keep up your sincerity and speaking your mind - it's why I like reading your blog. Who wants to read something bland that says "this dress will look great on everyone" when that clearly isn't true? As a very slender size 0 I'm not offended in the LEAST by your comments on body type. In fact I found them to be useful. I like a bit of editorialization when it comes to fashion. It's not so serious everyone!

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  62. I haven't read the comments from the old post but can read the original post via Google Reader. I think what perhaps people got upset at is the sentence "I've seen some of the less curvy bloggers try this on and where everything usually looks fantastic on them this dress just kinda hangs on them."

    If you had just not included this sentence, which could be taken as negative towards certain bloggers, then I don't think there would have been any problem.

    Again, just speculation, since I don't know what was said in the comments...

    Also - I loved the 12 days of Christmas feature. Although I can perhaps see where you're coming from re: cliquish I just really can't bc IIRC Roxy wasn't featured and her blog is one of the main ones. It was just a fantastic way to get different styles and bloggers together. In fact, there were many blogs I had never heard of and now I follow bc of the feature!

    I think someone could say something similar to your picking of the New Years winner. Rather than a random number generator that most bloggers use, you selected it based on preference. That's fine, this is your blog. And I do read it all the time and love your pictures. And hope you continue to blog since I love your style, and reviews since we have similar body types. My purpose for bringing that up is to show how even some things that you do on your blog could be taken in a different way.

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  63. Hey Bonnie, let's just move forward. No one meant to offend anyone else. The issue is now somewhat moot as things have been blown way out of proportions. No one deserves to be attacked for whatever reason. It doesn't even matter what the origins were since this has escalated into something really ugly. Let's all just talk about clothes, and go back to looking at beautiful things.

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  64. I already deleted 2 posts. I'm not deleting another one. Apparently, this has touched a nerve, and I think it is a good thing to let people express their opinions. I will delete any comments that I feel attack people personally. I'm not getting off on my increased comment volume. This blog is not my life. It's just a hobby I enjoy doing. I'm gonna let people have their say. I don't think it's right for me to censor them. No, I'm not enjoying this. I'm very upset about it.

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  65. I'm so sorry this is going on, Bonnie. Although this is all ridiculous, it must be causing you a lot of stress. I hope you have a big glass of wine (or ice cream) tonight and not let this get you down, or doubt your right to express your opinion.

    I didn't see the post in question, but I get the idea from these comments. I'm not a skinny woman, nor am I curvy, but I have a small chest and a lot of dresses don't look good on me and I would NEVER be offended if someone described a dress as not meant for my body type. In fact, isn't part of the point of your blog to give fit advice for stuff at Antrho? I, for one, like this kind of straight forward advice.

    And, remember, you can't please all of the people all of the time, and you shouldn't have to temper your ideas or dilute or delete them for those who are looking for things to be offended by. I find that many people are entirely too sensitive these days, and act as the opinion police. And, unfortunately, with the ability to post nasty comments anonymously many people do just that.

    It will pass. Keep your chin up.
    :)

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  66. Umm, really people?

    I read yesterday's posts and didn't find anything offensive. Bonnie is entitled to her opinion, period. She's apologized, so I'm not sure what else people want from her.

    The truth is some styles do look better on some body types. You may disagree but the reason models are 5'10 and 115 pounds is that high fashion clothes tend to hang better on thinner, taller types. When customers ask my opinion about a piece of clothing I give my honest opinion, nicely and I think they appreciate that.

    I don't think Bonnie has a hate on for petite women and I'm surprised anyone would take her comments as that. Of course, you can disagree with any blogger's comments and I would suggest that disagreeing is welcome in this arena. But, at the end of the day, this is a fashion blog not the United Nations. Is it really that important? Were you really that offended?

    I agree people should not anonymously post mean-spirited comments but no one should blame that on Bonnie. Trolls lurk everywhere.

    I did enjoy Tara's Christmas series. I thought it was imaginative and unique. But, if Bonnie felt left out, she's entitled to those feelings. Have you never felt left out?

    I will say that I have been reading Anthro blogs for the past year and I do think there does seem to be a level of cliquey-ness that has developed among some of the bloggers. I admire Roxy a lot because she seems to be very inclusive of the entire community. It could easily be argued she has the most successful Anthro blog on the 'net yet she doesn't seem territorial or insecure about her blog's influence.

    Finally, I work part-time at Anthro and although the clothes are lovely, they're just clothes. I think everyone should step back and try not to take themselves or Anthropologie too seriously.

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  67. Bonnie, it's scary how you are taking responsibility without really taking responsibility. Yes, this is your blog, and you just don't seem to get that with the right to say what you want, there's the responsibility of not hurting anyone so openly by what you say.
    I have been reading your blog off and on for a bit, and it seems to me that you complain a lot. About your mother, about your life, about your budget- yet these were all choices you made in your life.
    You just like to play the role of martyr.
    If you're not even mature enough to see a little bit of wrong in what you've done, then you're certainly not mature enough for any of the larger responsibilities in your life, like being a mother and wife and daughter.
    I can't believe you actually see some sort of VIRTUE in keeping up this inflammatory post.

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  68. Bonnie,
    I'm upset over what's going on here as well.
    I can't imagine that you would every TRY to hold an environment where women can bash other women! If they read your blog on a regular basis, they would see that you don't try to stir any type of pot..

    Sometimes we say/type things we don't mean to express, and yet it backfires anyways. I can understand what you were TRYING to say, and think it's been blown out of proportions.. You weren't targeting anyone, you were just trying to make a friendly statement/suggestion for other women who might take your advice.

    I'm sorry you are being targeted personally, even after you have apologized profusely.. But we all know that the internet opens a door for EVERYONE to speak their minds, so sometimes your actions won't translate the way you'd like them to. It could happen to anyone who puts themselves out there.

    I hope you don't start to walk on eggshells on your blog, I love your endearing attitude and that you aren't afraid to vent/let us know when you're going through something not so nice. You have great shopping suggestions and style. Don't change that.

    Best wishes from a loyal reader,
    Hill

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  69. To everyone who didn't read the original post: Bonnie wasn't just saying "this dress looks good on curvy girls". She said "I've seen it on less curvy bloggers and it doesn't look good on them"
    Big difference.
    Mean and stupid.

    As for the 12 days of Christmas thing, Bonnie, it just shows how self-involved you are if you automatically assumed that Tara knew about your blog and intentionally left you out.
    Most of us had never even heard of your blog until this mess got stirred up today. I heard about it on the grapevine and thought "Bonnie who?"

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  70. I think the problem is that there is a 'community' and as such one is going to constantly be aware of the 'social structure' involved and the potential for inclusion/exclusion, and degrees of 'popularity'. I've witnessed this at quite a few blogs, in fact. I could almost do an anthropological study of them, they're such a mini phenomenon :) Just keep on doing your thing, Bonnie. I love your blog. I was not offended by the comment but I could see how some sensitive people might misinterpret things, as they always do. The written word can be tricky, and people often seek out things to be offended by :) Ironically I read something today on one of the blogs by namelessblogger that I felt could be interpreted as being judgmental of many other blogs, and there is a bit of brewhaha in the comments, but it seems like things are getting ironed out--there will always be something....don't worry, keep on trucking lots of devoted fans will miss you if you're gone, fans that don't care about the popularity or the other blogs in the 'community'.

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  71. Trina: Just to claify. I'm not upset that Tara specifically left ME out. I was upset that everyone wasn't able to participate. I was very shy and introverted and never one of the "popular girls" in school. So things where only certain people are chosen to participate bother me. It's my problem really, and I never would have said anything had not the original comment against me been made. Since Tara told me how she felt about something I did, I felt the need to reciprocate. I realize now I should have kept it to myself. I'm sure Tara didn't mean to exclude anyone. She just thought it would be something fun to do on her blog that everyone would enjoy. And they did! I'm aware that I'm just a "mediocre" blog and I'm fine with that. You can go back down the grapevine now and not concern yourself with peons like me.

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  72. Dear Bonnie,

    I read your blog everyday. I have a same body type as you. Many times I buy cloths based how they look on you. Please keep up with your blog. It is yours.

    people "live and let live".

    Sylvia

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  73. Bonnie,

    I just wanted to chime in to say that I read yesterday's post and do not see the harm in mentioning how a garment flatters your body type. The female form is a contentious and controversial subject, especially these days given the 'body-size wars'. Perhaps your observation could have been worded differently, but at the end of the day, it's just fashion that's being discussed here. I enjoy your blog immensely and look forward to reading it whenever I am able. Hopefully this hiccup will not deter you from continuing to post helpful fitting room reviews, wonderful photography featuring you and your charming children, and great OOTDs. Remember that this, too, shall pass.

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  74. Hey Bonnie! Just wanted to pop in and say hi and see how you were doing. I am also a big fan of your blog and love all of your OOTD. I don't really see the big deal about how you worded your post about how something fits. You can speak your mind and say whatever you want on your blog. No one should stop you from that. Some people might take offensive to it, but they don't have to read your blog if they don't want to. Again, I didn't see anything wrong with it and hopefully this whole thing just blows over. You didn't do anything wrong and were just voicing your opinion which you are definitely allowed to do on your own blog. Keep up the great work! :)

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  75. Ok. Bonnie, I was rooting for you, But now, I just think you're kind of mean. Why do you care what Tara post on? That you felt left out?! grow up. Aren't you too old for this crap? Also, your comment on the dress and skinny girls now it seems like you are hating on skinny girls. Why do you have to mention that it doesn't look good on skinny girls? so that you would feel better about yourself? Big girls are just as mean as skinny girls can be. It's a never ending vicious circle. Trina you're right.

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  76. Hi Bonnie,

    Can't say anything about your comment on what looks good or doesn't on us skinny gals, as I didn't see it. I think if you were just talking about an outfit being good for a certain body type that shouldn't be offensive. Now if you said something like "It doesn't look good on skinny b****es" then I could totally understand the uproar. I think it may be the case where certain people are getting too offended on reading about size/weight. A lot of women are ultra sensitive about that topic, but at some point people need to let it go and suck it up. I'm a size 0 who doesn't have much in the way of curves. I make fun of my shape all the time. I say "I'm square". People it's just an opinion in a blog. Who gives a crap?

    I do disagree with you on the 12 days of Christmas though. I understand where you like everyone to be included, but in the real world not everything is fair. People get left out. The 12 days to me wasn't offensive at all. I just thought Tara was gathering some of her good friends/fellow Anthro bloggers to bring us joy over Christmas. Obviously it's 12 days so you can't have everyone. Yes, you could say she could have told people to enter in their pics for the 12 days and Tara choose the best. But you do realize that's a lot of work for one person to go through photos and put them up on the blog, right? Also it's her right to put whoever she wants. I wouldn't take it personally at all. I was also not a popular girl, but at some point you have to just let go of the past and grow a thicker skin. Not everyone is going to include you, even when you know yourself that you're an awesome person.

    By the way I don't think you're a mediocre blog. I think you're fun and have the potential to reach out to even more readers. Also don't let the negative comments get to you. There's always going to be some self loathing person out there who needs to make someone feel as miserable as they do. Just know that it isn't you.

    Jen

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  77. Anon at 8.14: You misspelled brouhaha. And there's a big difference between a discussion about the point of style blogging, and what was said on Bonnie's blog. the fact that you draw a parallel between the two instances is bizarre.
    Bonnie, I have read your blog once or twice, and honestly wasn;t going to say anything about the dress comment, but in all truthfulness, I was the seemingly many people who WAS hurt by the insinuation that people of a certain body type don't look good in that particular dress.
    Funnily, I think Tara B's figure is not stick-straight. She does seem to have curves in all the right places, so maybe her comment was just aimed at bringing to your attention that your words were inflammatory to some general subset of people, not her in particular.
    I just wanted to point out that I am in that subset of people. I am hurt. I know many of your supporters here say that it doesn't matter, that you should have the right to say whatever you want on here, and maybe they're right. It doesn't matter to you if you hurt some faceless, nameless person's feelings (there are many of us out there), but it does matter to me. My feelings were hurt and it matters.
    And I commend Tara B and Tien for standing up for people like me.

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  78. Hi Bonnie,
    Just wanted to say that I hope you don't let all these haters get to you. I love reading your blog-you have crazy beautiful photos-and I appreciate your honesty. As a fellow Mom I can relate to much of how you feel.
    When I read blogs I assume that I'm not going to agree with everything you-or any other blogger-writes...how boring would the world be if we all agreed? I do think its ridiculous for people to whine about hurt feelings as I'm sure that wasn't your intention. And regardless, its an opinion-we don't have to agree or feel some sort of personal attack from it and then haul off and attack and belittle her. Some of the comments about you and your blog are just rude...
    Anyway, I hope you can brush this off your shoulders and continue to post as I would love to keep reading :).
    -Kristen

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  79. Bonnie...You are a good and Honest on your blog. Focus on ALL the great comments. I read your blog regularly, and it has blessed me many, many times as well as couple of my neighbors. Sometimes I felt as though I was the only one who had down days, and that everyone else's life was perfect. Sometime I too feel like I'm going in a circle. But then I would read your blog and realize we are all doing the best we can, at any given day. Your Candor was always sooo refreshing. Your Blog is a fovorite to MANY and will continue to be................................ Be Well!.........................Sabrina

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  80. I've been a reader of your blog for awhile now (but have never posted)and I have to say I love your honesty and realness. You don't sugarcoat anything - whether it's about your life or clothes and I admire that. I understand how you feel sometimes since I'm a Mom too.

    I read your post and I personally didn't think you said anything offensive. If people are going to get hurt over something like that, then THEY are the ones with issues. Like someone said in their post, there can always be something offensive to be taken from every comment - it just depends on the person and their perspective. I hope all this will not stop you from being who you. I love reading your blog and looking at all your beautiful pictures!

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  81. You're seeing the 12 Days of Christmas with a negative slant. Why not instead think of it as an awesome party hosted by 12 lovely ladies...and you're invited. How lucky are you!

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  82. Bonnie, I read your post yesterday, and i saw that commentary you made about the dress being more suited to curvier girls, but I wasn't offended (i'm usually a size 0). I can see how it may offend other girls who own the same dress who are smaller built. It's all just down to a miscommunication/interpretation. i hope this gets resolved as this is supposed to be a friendly community where we all share ideas and inspire each other.

    And as for that ANON comment about me being ugly. Let me tell you - i am NOT offended. They are probably just some low life loser who is up at 3am in the morning logging into blogspot.com

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  83. wow, this is insane. the only thing that i have to say is in response to Aisha Lee. You said that curvy girls would be offended if you were to say, this dress fits me, but probably would not look great on a curvy girl...in your opinion. And I completely disagree that a 'curvy girl' would be offended! First off, it is your opinion, so who really cares. Secondly, in case someone does care about your opinion, they would probably be thankful...because if they are skinny they might be more interested in the item you are reviewing...and if they are curvy, they might take your opinion into consideration before making a splurge! Hopefully most people are happy with their body types, and try to find the clothes that suit them the best...that is why we are reading in this community after all. All bodies are different, and if someone says something might work better for a certain body type get over it! Man up and put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

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  84. I don't think you posted anything offensive, Bonnie. People post on the Anthro website reviews ALL the time about a dress or skirt not looking good on straighter shape people, only looking good on curvy girls, etc. Those are both facts and opinions, and people don't get offended by these comments on there. I have no idea why this was even made an issue. You're fine!

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  85. Also, please try not to be upset, Bonnie. You didn't do anything wrong. Next there will be a whole contingent of people who take offense because you say beige is an ugly color, or that a certain dress doesn't look right unless you feel ok showing your legs! Adult people need to grow up and not be offended by every little thing. This isn't kindergarten.

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  86. People need to grow up and get a life rather than getting bent out of shape about someone else's opinion. FACT - some things DON'T look good on curvy girls or skinny girls. You need to deal with it and grow up, please.

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  87. If all the people who put so much energy into being "offended" by Bonnie's comments would put that energy into something worthwhile like helping people, this world would be a better place. Think about that for a moment. Please stop being catty - it doesn't help a bit.

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  88. I read your blog all the time and I'm a little sad I missed the original post so I could get a better idea of what people are talking about or even what dress you were referring to but I think it's just been blown out of proportion so don't let it get you down. I started shopping at Anthro a little over a year ago and was so delighted to find styles that fit me in a flattering way after years of feeling bad about how I looked in the clothes being offered in mall stores. It was a relief to see that Anthro was accepting of all body types and while sometimes something might not be right for your body, you will always find something that is. That being said I often mention in my reviews on Anthro's website whether the item I tried on would be better for a straighter or curvier frame as I think it can be helpful to others. There's always going to be a better way to put something but that people took your words so offensively seems petty. When I was in high school I had a personal blog and once wrote a post about the goings on of the team I was on. I offhandedly mentioned my disapproval of the way our captain treated us in a way that probably could have been said better but at no point did it occur to me that anyone other than close friends would read the post. Sadly the result of the post was that numerous girls on the team stopped talking TO me and started talking ABOUT whenever I was close enough to hear. I just had to remind myself that while I maybe shouldn't have said what I said in the first place, the response to it was more childish and immature (and tacky) than appropriate to people our age (and we were still teenagers at that point!) An opinion is a beautiful thing we're all allowed to have as free people and it's important to remember that sometimes the best thing you can do is dust yourself off, hold your head up high and carry on.

    "You shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody else has a problem with it"
    --Carrie Bradshaw

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  89. Hi Bonnie,

    Please stay strong through this ridiculousness. I love your blog! What sets you apart is your honesty and sincerity. I can't believe people were offended by your review of a dress. It's a dress ladies! Sometimes they flatter a more staight figure and sometimes they flatter a more curvy lady. That's called life.

    I also agree with previous commenters who have mentioned that Anthro's blog community is becoming quite cliquey - it truly is! It makes me want to puke in my mouth when I read the self-absorbed musings of some of the more popular bloggers. Maybe it's time for these immature heathen to stop taking stock of what's inside their closets and instead take stock of what's inside their hearts and minds. Their nasty comments to you make me ill. Shame on you all!

    Diana

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  90. I have written probably 50-60 reviews on Anthro's own website. I have personally made comments on Anthro's site for my reviews stating " this dress would not look good on someone short" this dress would not look good if you are rail thin."

    I have also seen people respond to these comments and say, glad to hear from another reviewer so I could take it into consideration!

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this.


    I think some people are feeling insecure and are using Bonnie's comments to just attack her. I don't know why anyone would want to do that.


    Quit taking a comment about stick straight people personally, people! It's NOT about you!

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  91. this is crazy, I have seem many skinny bloggers say that a particular dress probably wouldn't look good on a curvy girl, did I take offense? no, that would be silly and stupid, nobody here is bashing skinny girls or curvy girls. I enjoy reading other Anthro blogs but Bonnie's is my favorite because her body is the most like mine so I can get the most inspiration from hers. Please don't let all the haters get you down, just be yourself

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  92. Let's get this right.

    "This dress looks great on curvy girls" is not "this dress was worn by some bloggers and they don't look as good as me in it."

    See where the offense was? Not that the dress was better suited for curvier people, but that she said the "dress just kinda hangs on them." Why even need to put that in there?

    This dress looks better on curvier girls is fine, but the need to point out publicly her fellow bloggers who also own this dress look terrible in it is really hurtful.

    It doesn't even matter because now it's turned into a drama fest. Tara and Tien both own the dress and they happen to love it. If you read something about yourself like that, you'd probably be hurt, too. All they did was point that out.

    Then she started attacking Tara for not being inclusive. Then things got really out of hand. It doesn't need to go on, and definitely could have been handled better on all parts.

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  93. wow. Bonnie, just keep doing what you are doing. YOUR opinion shouldn't have anything to do with anyone else. I like your blog and found nothing offensive in it and i am a size 0. I would never wear a dress that's to the floor because i'm short, does that offend someone too? Just ignore these people!

    If you don't like what she says- don't read the freaking blog!

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  94. Get the quote correct, Meegan. Bonnie never said it looked better on her than on others. Never said that.


    She said she had it looked better on a curvy figure than some with a straight figure she had seen.

    She said absolutely, 100%, nothing wrong. I saw her comments myself.

    To any person who took it personally to mean she was talking about YOU - get a life and act like an adult please. Please stop taking everything personally.

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  95. I completely disagree, Meeghan. If I am short and plump, and Bonnie wants to say the dress looks better on taller people than some shorter, wider folks she had seen wearing it, why in the world would I ever assume she meant me specifically?

    I wouldn't. No one should.

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  96. Agree, Jean Ann. I'm tall and thin. If Bonnie were to comment that a dress looks better on curvier ladies than on tall, thin ladies she had seen it on, I would not take offense and think she was referring to me. That's just plain silly.

    Love your blog Bonnie!

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  97. I think some people who commented must have issues about their own body image. I'm sorry for that if you do, but please don't take it out on other people. If it's your issue and you need to deal with it, that's understandable. But it doesn't help to read in between the lines and think other people are deliberately poking at you.

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  98. Who else would she be talking about except one of the Anthro bloggers? The point is, why bring in other bloggers in a negative way? Just needless.

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  99. If you are slender of frame, society constantly rewards and commends you. It lauds you, consistantly, for your frame and your figure. This alone should be enough to build a thick skin.

    If anything, it is the curvier figured lady that are often the butt of jokes or made to feel insecure.

    And unfortunately, clothing retailers often create for the straighter body types, leaving anyone who doesn't fit that ideal high and dry. Pointing this out does not make anyone "hate filled."

    We "the curvy" have to dress with painstaking care. I, for one, would be happy to have retailers or bloggers give insight into what fashions might best suit a particular bodytype.

    In fact, isn't that kind of what Stacy and Clinton do?

    I love my 39x30x39 Christina Hendricks-style body -- just as you should love yours, whatever it may be.

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  100. People need to quit taking things personally and get a life.
    Seriously, you people who think this is all about you need to drop the high school mentality and act as adults.

    Why is it people who want to post nasty and hurtful comments insist on posting as anonymous?

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  101. I am amazed at some of the animosity aimed at Bonnie over CLOTHES for crying out loud. Craziness.

    Now if she had mentioned a blogger or whomever by name, then the situation would be different. We women seem to bash each other for silly things many, many times. Tall vs short, busty vs less endowed, petite vs curvy, etc. It's funny how people "assumed" she was speaking about them or attacking them. Do folks realize how many Anthro blogs are out there?

    This leaves a bad taste in my mouth and while I enjoy reading the fashion blogs for Anthro, this whole thing is making me look at them differently.

    Finally, I think the web just allows folks to attack people anonymously and cowardly. At least if you disagree with something Bonnie has written you can do what parents should do regarding what they children watch on TV: Stop. Reading.Her. Blog!

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  102. Bronzi, I agree. And I am also upset at the people on here who went so low as to attack Bonnie's family and her abilities as a parent. How awful.

    One thing I also agree with - this is making me look at blogs overall differently, and making me want to read a lot of them less often. People need to act like the adults they are, and blogs seem to bring out the child in people.

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  103. Like Ellyn above, I also have written a number of clothing review right on Anthro's website. I have said directly that I saw people wearing a skirt, for example, and that it would not look as good on you if you are short.
    Plenty of people do this all the time.

    People should not take their own overly emotional reaction out on anyone else.
    That's just childish.

    I am also in agreement with the other ladies that an issue should not have been made of this and this makes me want to not read blogs if someone's opinion is going to be turned into a schoolyard cat fight.

    Look inside yourself and see if your reaction to Bonnie's opinion ( and everyone is allowed to have one- this is not North Korea)- see if you reaction was mixed
    with your own body issues. Maybe something is bothering you that caused you to react so strongly. That's not hers nor anyone else's fault.

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  104. Wow. I guess no one can give an Anthro item a negative review in case another blogger gave it a positive one. Don't want to offend anyone now do we. I find the majority of Anthro bloggers, especially those with primarily OOTD rather than reviews (which I do appreciate), to be in desperate need of compliments and told how pretty they look. How hard it must be for them to hear that something may not look good on them. I am a size 0 and appreciate the honesty that something may not look good on me. If I disagree, then I don't care about the opinion and will continue to wear whatever it was. Another blogger just recently wrote that "it's about how you feel in the clothes that you wear." Exactly, so who cares if someone says that something doesn't look good on you. If you feel good in it then that's all that should matter.

    You do tend to have a lot of OOTD, but what I appreciate about your blog is how you go out of your way to use beautiful photography. There's another artistic level to it instead of a mere snapshot of your outfit so others can comment how pretty you look.

    Anyway, you shouldn't feel the need to censure your comments and blog posts. But on the other hand then you should be willing to accept that others may disagree with what you wrote and leave it at that. You shouldn't feel the need to delete your own blog post. Like others have said, it's your blog. The whole point of a personal blog is to share opinions.

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  105. I agree, Anonymous. I think some bloggers need some sort of affirmation and compliments. (look at me, how do I look in this dress?)
    Sad though. And not something you can gain by tearing others down.

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  106. Grow up people and deal with your body issues that are somehow making you feel that post was about "you." Obviously not happy in your own skin if you are going to take things so personally.

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  107. Agree Anonymous that some Anthro bloggers seem to be in desperate need of compliments. (sad). Maybe this whole incident will help a LOT of people take a serious look at themselves internally and see if they fall in that category?

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  108. Was Kim the one who started the pile-on on your January 6th post? Is that what caused the frenzy?

    ReplyDelete

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