Top: Anthropologie Dusk Peony Blouse
Skirt: Old Navy
Shoes: Civico 10
Earrings: Tree and Kimble
"Little bird have you got a key? Unlock the lock inside of me. Feeling old until the wings unfolded. Caught me a long wind. A long life wind." - Feist
I've been thinking a lot about value systems lately. We all have different things that are important to us. Things that define who we are and give our life meaning. What do you do if you discover your value system is wrong? How do you change a way of thinking that you've been practicing for so long? Tonight, I'm struggling with these very questions.
I put too much value on outward appearance. I'm not sure when the seed was first planted. Junior high perhaps, when my appearance became the butt of jokes? Maybe it was the influence of my perfectionist mom or of my sister, the homecoming queen, who is 9 years my elder. Maybe it was Corporate America's fault, or maybe it wasn't any outside influence at all and just my own faulty thinking. Whatever the case, the idea was sown in my mind that my value as a person is directly correlated with my outward appearance. This is an idea that has greatly diminished my quality of life over the years.
I've been a slave to it. Spending countless hours and money on makeup, hair products, and yes, clothing. I've had times where I couldn't leave the house because I felt too ugly to go out into the world. I've let it ruin times that I did go out because I felt like a loser because everyone looked better than me. I don't want to live my life like this anymore. I want to enjoy my love of fashion without letting it control me. I want to leave the house with no makeup and still feel good about myself. I want to be free of this burden. I'm on a journey to change my way of thinking. I don't know where I'm going, but at least I've begun.
“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
― C. JoyBell C.
― C. JoyBell C.
Caught a Long Wind - Feist