I understand when you put yourself on the Internet that you open yourself up for criticism, but I never imagined that it would get this ugly. Last night, I became really scared when a commenter told me that people could trace where I work, and that I could get fired. I have 3 kids that I have to provide for and whom depend on me for health insurance. The thought of losing my job scares the hell out of me! I knew that theoretically people could trace where I work, but I didn't realize people would actually do it. I just write a blog for God's sake! I immediately went into mommy defense mode and shut down my blog. I spent the night and this morning being terrified and distraught. Now that the initial shock is over and my emotions have subsided, I am able to think more clearly.
So here's the deal. First, my email address has changed. Note the change on my sidebar. I have a good reputation with my employer at which I have worked for the past 10 years. My blog is in no way affiliated with my place of employment, and I have the right to have a personal blog, so you need not bother with the scare tactics anymore.
Secondly, moderation will be much stricter going forward. I wanted to have a unmoderated atmosphere, but I've realized that it's just not possible. It seems people from other websites who are not regular readers come on here in droves just to bash me for bashings sake. I will no longer tolerate it. If you leave a comment that is not productive to the discussion at hand or is just down right nasty then it will be promptly deleted and never see the light of day. Don't waste your time or mine. I don't expect everyone to agree with me or like me, but you will respect me on my site. If you want to talk shit about me then you'll have to do it somewhere else. They make websites specifially for people who don't have a life other than to bash other people. Go there and knock yourself out. I will not allow you to take over my website with your hatemongering.
Lastly, I want to assure everyone that my ex-husband nor my kids are hurt by these recent posts. I talked with my ex-husband this morning and he was shocked and saddened by people's reaction to them. He said he was sorry this had happened to me and that he didn't understand the reaction because this was old news. He doesn't read my blog anymore, nor does he care to. Besides, he read these emails months ago. He's moved on, has a girlfriend, and we have joint custody of our kids - end of story. He laughed when I told him there were whole websites dedicated to bashing bloggers and that the people from these websites felt the need to defend his honor. People, if he doesn't care then neither should you! As far as my kids go, I have spoken with them many times, and they understand that the separation was not their fault in any way. I show them I love them by my actions. If they read this someday, I'm fine with it. I want them to know what happened and why I did what I did. I want them to know that they have choices in life and that I will always support them no matter what decisions they make.
So, eveyone behave themselves and let's try this again shall we? Geez, I feel like I'm talking to my children...
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I am having a hard time believing your husband felt sorry for you .. Also, old news? It's been a few MONTHS not years. From what I see, it doesn't seem like your husband even loved you. Anyways, I am glad everything worked out and is resolved for you. Hope you live happily ever after.
ReplyDeletewhat about his wife and kids? are they okay too or you have no idea?
ReplyDeleteBonnie,
ReplyDeleteI read your blog whenever I could. I am a mom also, and have been getting busier between work and life. Just feel glad that you are holding strong against people who left nasty comments on your blog. Don't ever let them get to you. I am a supporter of what you chose to do! Happy to see that you live a happier life now. Will always read your blog (even though I don't have time to leave comment...sorry).
You tell 'em Bonnie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) Good god.....I just can't understand these mean spirited people. Ugh, it's so annoying to deal with!!
ReplyDeleteDearest Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about that magnitude of negativity! I cannot believe that there are such hateful websites on the internet. I ventured to one of them and it is full of nothing short of trolly hoors (pardon my french!). And they wear ENTIRELY too much make-up, have way too much nail polish... they seem like the dregs of the earth that should just stay in an alley somewhere.
I think it really all comes down to the fact that you are an artiste, and the common people are not cultured enough to understand that. So, instead, like commoners often do with what they don't understand, they attack you. It bottles my mind that they don't understand that life is too short for all that negativity. There is simply NO TIME for that kind of sentiment!
So happy that your blog is back online now. Like you said, you have every right to have a personal blog, and you are doing nothing against your company policies.
I don't know if this will make you feel better, but I too am a free spirit like you, and I too have received my share of criticism because of it. There is the famous story of when I had my daughter and one day during lunch at Red Robin, I had to breastfeed her in public. I had to feed my hungry baby and some people gave me the dirtiest looks, one even told me to stop. Sigh.
It was hard at first, but eventually I learned to just hold my head up high and keep eating my french baguette, be damned that it isn't really from France. I refused to feed my baby in a dirty bathroom. That is just not hygienic, there might blood in the bathroom, and I might get splashed on a visible cute, and I don't need that.
The bottom line is; these other people, these internet trolls, they don't matter. What matters is that you and I both get to go home to the men we love. And it is wondrous. I can't wait to get home today and twist for daddy! (hehe!)
-A Friend and Supporter
I love this! It makes no sense why people would be so mean. Why in the world would they care so much?! It’s good to see you take a stand and continue blogging. I look forward to more reviews and fashion posts!
ReplyDeleteOh whew you're back! I logged in this morning to read and you were gone! I had a moment of anxiety because I really wanted to read more to see what else had happened btw you and photo-boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteIf people don't like what you write they should just stop reading your blog. I'm not sure why that is such a hard concept for some people.
I didn't get a chance to read any of the comments before you took it down, but are you sure that the commenters mentioning your blog being traced to your work were trying to use scare tactics? It's pretty much a fact nowaways when you blog, especially with pictures of yourself, and have public facebooks or in anyway give details about yourself (last name etc) that it can be traced to you. Hell, employers now look up people's facebooks before hiring
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about this. Just keep your head high and know that most of us still love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you decided to keep the blog. I for one enjoy reading your correspondence with Jerry. It's a very romantic story and I kind of wish you'd just post ALL the emails in descending order--I just can't help but want to know MOAR!! haha While reading through your blog post yesterday I couldn't help but wonder if you and Jerry feel like you're "as one" while you're holding hands? You're inspirational, Bonnie. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you didn't let the bullies and mean girls win! "Call your employer"? Are you kidding??
ReplyDeleteGet a life and spend you time doing something constructive. what kind of credibility would the caller have? Pitiful.
Hi Bonnie! I am glad you are back as I like reading your blog. I was a little sad to think you had shut it down completely.
ReplyDeleteHow is Jerry's ex-wife handling all of this? Is she as amicable about things as your ex is? I guess that is the other concern that everyone would have, myself included- that maybe she was reading this and would be very hurt by all of it. Is Jerry's child young like yours are?
I am glad to see that things with your ex are on good terms and that he has moved on. I have to admit, it is a compelling story to read, even if I don't necessarily agree with some of your choices.
P.S. Love the Southpark reference up there! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's not "whom" but "who" in the first paragraph. Sorry, can't help myself :-)
ReplyDeleteHello Bonnie!
ReplyDeleteReally like your blog, and your emails are so romantical! They make me think of Adrien Brody... I have such a crush on him! O___________O
Please keep posting, I think your story deserves to be told! There is NO TIME for negativity!
GOD BLESS!
It's intriguing (and in some cases scary) to see how riled up people have become about your posts, Bonnie. Perhaps some of the commenters have been cheated on and thus immediately relate to the rejected wife/husband. Why else would they become so emotional about someone else's relationships? It's not as though leaving a marriage is taboo in our society. In any event, I find your honesty to be compelling. Your posts are fascinating in the same way a reality TV show can be - it gives us all a little glimpse into the psychology and motivations of the romantic lives of others - super interesting stuff. Regardless, I would still visit your blog because I like your photo shoots. Keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Bonnie! I'm new to your blog but love reading your posts and looking at your beautiful photos. While I have not made the same decisions you've made, I can relate to your situation.
ReplyDeleteIt really makes me laugh that there are people out there who troll the internet looking for blogs/people to make fun of and then claim that the bloggers are the ones who need to get a life. Really? LOL
ReplyDeleteMy jaw just hit the pavement. Threatening to call your employer? FOR WHAT? And isn't it ironic that some folks who may be so judgmental about your personal life, think nothing of trying to jeopardize your ability to feed and clothe your small children????? God, people really do need to get a life!
ReplyDeleteWhat people have an issue with is the romanticizing of an an affair that led to the breakup of two families. Having an affair is one thing but posting the timeline of events is just tacky. It is selfish and shows a lack of consideration for the feelings of those who were affected. Perhaps your ex and your boyfriend's ex are okay with it now, but to have the details come out again in such a public way would still be embarrassing, hurtful and would probably dredge up feelings of resentment and anger. An issue that was private, or at least limited to family and friends, has now been published for everyone to see. Coworkers, distant relatives, nosy neighbors,busy bodies, frenemies, enemies, friends of your children, complete strangers...they all know your business now. Perhaps you're fine with that, but what of everyone else who has been affected? If the bandaid is ripped off every now and then, opening up old wounds, how can people heal? Deeply personal matters such as this should remain private. If you need to vent as part of your healing process, by all means, vent, but do so with close friends, a psychiatrist or other professional. If I were the other party, it would just kill me to know that this was on the internet, that everyone now knows more than they should. Not only that, but there's always going to be that person that's going to come up and talk to your exes and your family about your post when it's not that their business...simply because you made it available to for all to see. In the words of Jennifer Aniston, your posts were really uncool.
ReplyDeleteI don't often comment, but let me just say I am so glad to see that your blog is back! I was so afraid that my favourite fashion blog would be shut down forever
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are back! I read the facebook post this morning and almost spilled my coffee! lol... I look forward to your posts again... phew!
ReplyDeleteGosh, all those rude commenters are so aMEWSing. Don't they have anything better to do?! Just tell them THE TITS STAY, Bonnie! You're awesome, rock on wit ya bad self!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Bonnie!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I was so mad when I saw you closed the blog earlier today. Well - mad and sad. So I'm so happy to see that you're back - yay!
I am anxiously awaiting the next installment. Like another commenter said, I think your story deserves to be told too -- so far, it's a good one. I feel like I'm reading a juicy book, lol. :)
I'm also looking forward to more OOTD, especially now that it's fall. You have the cutest Anthro pieces and I am looking for good fall styling ideas.
This is quickly becoming my favorite blog....keep it up!
You only can do some much with some people...
ReplyDeleteOnly certain types behave that way
Undoubtedly, they'll have some other drama to move onto soon.
About the moderation,
Really it's a little strict but I guess for the time being necessary.
Everything will be normal again soon I'd bet.
Don't let these losers who have nothing better to do get you down, because why should some random person on the internet influence your life?
Unique people and unique paths in life are always criticized, but haters gonna hate!
My best,
Brandi!
I'm very glad that you are standing up for yourself!! People will say and do to you what you allow them to. I'm glad that you are taking your power back. This is your blog. Keep posting and stay true to yourself!
ReplyDeleteCheck this out:
ReplyDeletehttp://themascarade.tumblr.com/
Good for you, Bonnie. If you had stopped blogging, that would have meant that the terrorists had won! Remember: fate loves the fearless.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry people said that to you, but im glad you came back. I think you're fantastic and keep doing what you're doing/ : )
ReplyDeleteI was sad this morning when you shut down ur blog and I thought that I would not be able to follow your story or see your pic anymore but I am glad that u are back on. I dont understand why some people will do nasty things to u like getting u fired where in fact u did not do anything wrong to them. Your affair is your business and nobody else business.
ReplyDeleteI'm still curious as to what Jerry's ex wife and child thinks....but maybe that's just me. It's also funny that you mention that you feel like you're talking to children. Because many of us feel like we're reading a child's diary. I do respect your decision to leave your husband. No one should be stuck in a marriage without love. But, I cannot respect your decision to air your "dirty laundry" in this manner.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is your blog and yes you deserve respect....but your readers are also entitled to their opinions. I stand by mine.
I was surprised to read this Bonnie. I sincerely thought that you and the welcoming committee had come to an understanding. I have received several not to subtle reminders myself. It's a New Blog World we live in. My Authoritah! Keep piling on your special brand of STF humor.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to see that you're back, Bonnie. I've started reading quite recently. My sister was one of the ladies scammed by Kim. She sent me a list of her favorite blogs that had posts about what happened. Yours was one of them. I started reading your older posts and really enjoyed them. The writing, the photos and the fashion are very enjoyable to read and look at. :) It really is pathetic that these women (I'm using that term very loosely.) seemingly have nothing better to do with their time than post cruel, judgemental comments. I wish you, Jerry and your family all of the best.
ReplyDelete*new STF follower*
No one actually said they were going to call my employer, but the fact that some people had taken the time to look up where I worked and told me that I could be fired freaked me out. It baffles me that people would take the time to look up information on a complete stranger. And I'm the crazy one?
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. It's very ironic.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is intriguing and scary. A lot of these commenters seemed very emotional. I don't know what their motivations were but clearly they were very passionate about this subject matter. I knew I would get some negative responses to these posts, but I never anticipated this level of hatred. Anyway, I'm glad there are some people out there that get what I'm doing and can look past the morality of it all and see that I'm just a girl trying to navigate life the best way I know how. I want to be someone other women can relate to, not look up to. Thanks for your comment.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the positivity!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I wasn't sure about that one. I was going to Google it when I finished typing this up, but I forgot. Thanks for keeping me straight! :-)
ReplyDeleteI haven't talked to her, so I can't speak to his wife's feelings. I understand your concern, but I feel if she makes the choice to read my blog she is going to be hurt by anything she reads here. It's her choice to come on here and read it, and she has to be willing to except the consequences of that choice. I feel I have the right to talk about my life on my blog.
ReplyDeleteJerry's child is grown.
Thanks for your honesty.
LOL! I thought about doing the descending order thing. Kind of like a Quentin Tarantino movie or something, but I thought I would get confused pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny you mention the holding hands. The first time we held hands was magical. It felt like heaven.
Thanks Lily!
ReplyDeleteIt did get annoying very quickly. I respect other people's opinions, but they all kept saying the same things and in a very hateful tone. I have to admit, it feels good to hit delete on those now. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you found me under those circumstances, but, nevertheless, I'm glad you did. Thanks for your kind comments! Welcome!
ReplyDeleteYeah, me too. Oh well, lesson learned. They may not like me, but they will respect me! LOL! ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Lanny! Even though I'm putting my affair out here for everybody to read, I don't need all the blatant hate. If they don't have anything constructive to say they just need to move on.
ReplyDeleteLOL! We couldn't let the terrorists win could we?
ReplyDeleteThanks Cindy! I felt like my blog had been hijacked, but I decided to buck up and take it back from the haters.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the strict moderation, but I feel it is necessary right now. I really hope things return to "normal" soon. This whole thing has been so surreal.
ReplyDeleteThanks Emmie. I'm going to try to have it out tonight. We'll see...
ReplyDeleteLOL! Well, alrighty then!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Glad you didn't spill it! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Aw, your favorite fashion blog? That makes me happy! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sian! That means a lot to me!
ReplyDeleteBonnie, I love reading your open and honest posts. Keep them coming! I am happy you found your happiness.
ReplyDeleteYou are a small army unto itself.
ReplyDeletei am the commenter that brought up the employer thing to bonnie - FOR HER OWN GOOD. i never, never, never said that i was going to call her employer or try to get her fired. it was out of concern for her, since she had her work email clearly listed on her blog. this would be grounds for termination if they could link these emails (that happened on work time) to her, so i didn't think it was a good idea to have any association with her workplace. my comment was never published so obviously this isn't clear. no one is trying to get her fired, it was just something i noticed and wanted to bring to her attention.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is divorced and was cheated on, I've moved on. But if I knew my ex's mistress plastered their affair on the Internet, I'd be embarrassed, horrified and heartbroken. On top of it all, I'd be disappointed if his "great love" were this ordinary and cliche.
ReplyDeleteMakeupalley.com Cafe board is having a field day with your blog. In fact, they even had a member who lives in your town friend you on Facebook. Her name on makeupalley is thoughtbubble and her real name is Crystal Stocks. I strongly advise you to delete her from your friend list. She is hoping to run into you so she can get a picture of you for Makeupalley members to make fun of.
ReplyDeleteI second seeing a psychiatrist. The fact she (and he is 50% of the blame) has no remorse for breaking up a marriage (being a homewrecker basically) speaks volumes about her emotional state. How narcissistic could one person be? Using excuses like "it's common" is an attempt to try and justify her actions.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad and horrible that some people cheat, and it shouldn't be encouraged, excused, or applauded in any way, shape, or form by anyone.
Everyone posting here has self control. You choose to cheat, there are no excuses.
Airing your dirty laundry in public is just tasteless and trashy.
@ Lola- VERY well said.
ReplyDeleteI really feel that Lola has hit the nail on the head. We all know that marriages fail and that people fall in love unexpectedly, and that they really don't want to hurt anyone. We know that. It happens to a lot of people. However, you seem so very callous in your attitude toward the whole thing. You keep using your new mantra "life is messy" (a phrase that's so overused these days) to justify absolutely everything. Hey, if you screw up and hurt people, just brush it off by saying a quick little "Life is messy" and then you're free to go ahead and rub salt into open wounds. You whine and complain that everyone is against you and calling you names and being insulting. Really? Take a good look at the tons of supporters who have come on this blog to back you up, hurling insults and nasty names at those of us who cannot comprehend how you could be so mean and have so little compassion for the people whose lives you've turned upside down. You have conveyed loud and clear that the ONLY thing that matters now is that you're happy, happy, happy. Well congratulations, but that kind of happiness just seems a little bit "off."
ReplyDeleteHow stupid & pathetic! If those people don't like your blog, why the hell do they read it?? And if they read it and decide they don't like it...STOP READING IT! It's really very simple people. Get a life.
ReplyDeleteIt is your blog and I don't have an opinion on what you post but wanted to give you a heads up that your place of employment is still very easy to find based on your last name being public as well as the state town you live in. I know people out there wouldn't even think twice to contact your employer. Sad but true
ReplyDeleteAgain, the issue people are having is not with your original actions, but your decision to post all of your dirty underthings--so to speak--for the world to see. It's incredibly immature. It's entertaining for me to read, just like reality shows such as "Teen Mom" are entertaining, but it's also interesting that you don't seem to grasp the tackiness and immaturity of what you're doing. I think you wanted to post these things to "clear the air", but with every post and every comment you write, you come across as an even more callous and oblivious person. You also keep saying that "people are seeing your actions and words as 'crazy', but your love is real and true" and stuff like that; I'm not sure you realize that no one is saying it's "crazy"--your story is actually quite typical. It's...tawdry.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, it's not terribly difficult to poke fun with the level of narcissism she displays.
ReplyDelete