The Life and Times of an Introvert

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Jeans: AE Jeggings
Earrings: Anthropologie

"You don't know me. I am an introvert an excavator." - Santigold

“I hate how I don't feel real enough unless people are watching.”  - Chuck Palahniuk

Check one, check two. Is this thing still on? It's been awfully quiet around here lately, and I must confess I've been feeling a bit lonely. I know, I'm suppose to be blogging for me and not care if I get any comments on my posts, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. I think it's only normal to want some validation every now and then, even for an introvert like me.

You see, I'm pretty used to not being liked. I've never been the "popular girl." When I was younger, I was painfully shy, and I thought that was the reason I didn't have many friends, but now that I'm older and able to exert myself more, I'm starting to realize that for whatever reason people just don't like me. It doesn't matter how nice, generous, or relatable I am, people just don't gravitate towards me. I mean, I don't think I'm a saint or anything. I can be a real asshole from time to time just like the  next person. However, I do think I go above and beyond to be good to people, and it's frustrating that it doesn't seem to get me anywhere.

I thought this online world we live in now would really make a difference in my social life since it's much easier for me to communicate through the filter of a computer. Even though I have "met" some people online who actually relate to me, the number of those people is very low in proportion to the number I've reached through this blog. It seems I come across as an introvert over the virtual world as well. It never ceases to amaze me how some people can post on Facebook what they had for breakfast and get over 20 likes while I can post something I'm truly passionate about and get crickets.

I don't know exactly what it is about me that puts people off. I've read that some people just don't like my face. They think it looks scary like a Punch and Judy puppet and just can't bring themselves to look at it for fear of having nightmares. Well, folks, sorry, but there's not much I can do about my face. Some people complain that I'm a narcissist, but I can't reconcile how someone who talks about their neck hairs and shares other unpleasant aspects about themselves can be considered a narcissist. Of course, there's my personal favorite complaint that I'm a attention-seeking whore. I'm sorry, but who the hell doesn't like attention? That's pretty much what motivates all of us from the time we are tiny babies. Putting your thoughts and pictures on a blog is no different than putting your thoughts and gifs on a snark site. The motivation is the same: attention from others. As far as the whore part goes, I've had 2 sex partners in the past 13 years. Clearly, I'm not a very good whore. Maybe my candidness scares people. The more popular bloggers do tend to be those who don't share very much about themselves. However, one of the bigger bloggers came out with a post recently sharing some of her personal struggles, and she got over 700 comments, so that pretty much debunks that theory.

I guess I'm just an all around lame person, and that's okay. Not all of us can be superstars of the human race. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get bitter when I see a blogger who posts only pictures of herself in her designer duds get hundreds of comments and ten of thousands of readers when I spend hours on a post that generates hardly one comment. It's difficult to find the motivation to meticulously pick out photo locations, type up heart felt posts, and find the perfect song lyrics when I feel like nobody is listening. Oh well, that's the way it goes for us introverts. The important thing is that I am as true to myself as I can possibly be, even if myself is not all that appealing. 

P.S. I'm not fishing for comments with this post, just sharing my honest feelings. We all need to be a whiny bitch some days. Please don't feel the need to comment unless you really have something you want to say. 

P.S.S. Don't comment unless you really want to...I mean it!

L.E.S. Artistes by Santigold on Grooveshark

CONVERSATION

42 comments:

  1. Hey!!! I know you're real!!!

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  2. dude, you're totally not lame.

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  3. You are beautiful! I enjoy your blog . I used to try so hard to be a people pleaser, now I am trying to please myself. I know it's hard sometimes, but don't worry about what others think!


    A fellow introvert

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  4. Hi Bonnie - I haven't been on here in a long time - cuz I have some issues that I am sure you can relate to. (Panic attacks and other fancy stuff.) Anyway, I think you are super cool! And I am a pretty good judge of character. I have no idea why some people get famous and others don't. I , too am perplexed. Anyway - I just wanted you to know I am a fan. Keep blogging - sometimes it keeps me going. Cheers! xoxo

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  5. I believe we all struggle with these same thoughts and feelings. I like you. For real. I think blogging is sort of dying and so are the commenters... Also I feel that (back when I did blog) most of my com enters were wanna-be types with not much going on in their real lives. Sorry to be so harsh but its true. So most of those kind of people also feel shy and awkward and your open and honest tell-it-like-it-is attitude can put those people off. It takes real self esteem to make comments on your blog because Gomi discovered you AND you are smart and open about real life problems. That's my two cents. -- Anna P.

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  6. Dearest Bonnie,
    I have been a follower of your blog for a long time now as well as throughly researched your past posts. I think the lack of comments stems from the change in content. I understand you are in a gloomy state, trust me I was depressed since December because my hairstylist chopped off my hair into a bouffant bob. It has been horrendous and a hard road. But because of our gloom state it reflects in what we do. And with about a dozen or so posts where you mention how bad things are is hard for us loyal readers to hear. I know for me I like to look at your blog, your beautiful pictures, your alabaster skin, and wonderful outfits and picture an escape of sorts. Readers live vicariously through blogs just like in books. No one wants to read over and over how bad things are, we know how bad things are! We live in this terrible and frightening world. We need an escape, we need the escape by your amazing photographer and wonderfully put together outfit. Now this isn't to say that you cannot speak your mind, its just constant droning that looses us at times. I love your blog! Keep it open minded and also please Speak your mind just remember it is hard for us at readers who also have a lot of time invested into reading and watching your life unfold to hear how sad you are!

    PS. What blogger were you mentioning about coming out about personal struggles? I must know!

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  7. Great shots, as usual...love the setting! And now for the brutally honest portion: I think you're absolutely right about wanting some feedback, some input. You put all the work into this blog, photos, outfits, etc...how hard is it for someone to comment? But...I am a feedback addict too, and when I comment and don't get a response, I tend to think - meh, what's the point? Maybe she doesn't read the comments. Maybe she doesn't care what 'we' think. As is human nature, I make it all about me, but that's my 2 cents. I find looking back at your posts, that people comment, ask questions about sizing, etc, and you don't respond - that may be a part of the problem. I dunno. Reciprocity - and now, for the accompanying song/video:


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFp2ke920og

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  8. Great video! You're right, I don't respond as much as I should. I could make all kinds of excuses why I don't, but they would be bullshit. I just don't make the time to respond back like I should. That being said, these crazy popular bloggers hardly ever respond to comments. I guess they are so awesome people don't care if they respond or not. LOL!

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  9. disqus_OPqtehBcUlMay 22, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    someone said that about your face? WTF. i think your face is lovely. i don't comment often but i check your blog regularly and can often relate to your thoughts... i guess i am also an introvert because i don't comment. know that at least one person is out there nodding in agreement and solidarity even if you only hear crickets.

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  10. Thanks for your thoughts.

    I guess I always considered narcissism as being in love with every aspect of yourself, but after reading up on it, I see that it is more complicated than that.

    Honestly, I don't know if I have a purpose with this blog. I know I enjoy expressing myself creatively through it, and when I create something it's nice if people admire it. Why does anyone create art, write books, make music and put it out into the world? Why do children crave the attention of others? I think as humans we all innately want to be excepted by others. Even if attention makes us uncomfortable (and believe or not it makes me uncomfortable), we still like it, especially if we put a lot of work into something.

    You're right about the comparing. It something I've always done, and it's unhealthy.

    It makes me so happy to hear that you enjoy the photography and have found new music through me! See? It's pretty easy to make me happy! LOL!

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  11. Bonnie, you are a fabulous and entertaining blogger. Yours is one of the only ones I read regularly. Maybe most of your readers are introverts themselves who don't comment much on any blogs (I fit that category). Please don't compare yourself to some of the shallow and banal blogs out there, where a hundred people write in with useless comments in the vein of "I love your pants!" etc.

    As for the non-blogging world, some people have charismatic personalities that draw others to them. We can't all be like that. I am and I'd rather be the kind of person who cultivates a few meaningful relationships that are chock full of trust and loyalty, as opposed to being a social butterfly. I suspect you're the same.

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  12. Sorry I've been MIA, Bonnie! I'm still reading and love your blog! I'm just crazy busy at home these days with end of school year stuff with my kids. Stress and fatigue have left me unable to leave intelligent comments. I'll try to respond more...even if it's "Cathy was here and loved this post!" :)

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  13. Kristin Moore SzalayMay 22, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    Here's my two cents (or one cent): One of the reasons why I love your blog, and I've told you before, is that you are so much more than a fashion blog. Yes you take gorgeous pictures and wear pretty clothes, but you also have something to say. Not a lot of other fashion blogs "say" anything. That's not a criticism of them by any means, they just focus on clothes. That's probably why that other blogger got a lot of comments when she posted about her struggles because she normally keeps to clothes. (And I like her blog, I do, but I usually just look at the pictures and skip the text). I'm wondering if a lot of people like me who read the fashion blogs skip the text altogether? I've never counted you among the fashion blogs-yours is more like a diary or confessional through clothes and music. :) I think you're more than a fashion blog-could you be short-changing yourself? You've said before you've wanted to be a writer, should you think maybe about expanding your blog to include more than fashion? I hope I'm not overstepping, so much gets lost in translation when you're typing and not talking, I just think you have a lot to offer and perhaps a blog expansion might open up the comments more as well as draw in new readers. Please, PLEASE, don't ever take away the clothes and outfit posts-I love them so much. But you obviously have a passion for music,nesting your house (wasn't that one of your most popular posts, barring the unfortunate break-in?), gardening it seems, family, and didn't I hear somewhere you express an interest in Sci-fi? Jerry is a wonderful photographer, you live in a pretty area, I just think that because you are not hesitant to speak your heart and mind, you have a potential to do something really really great. And maybe also, meet more like-minded people? You always have a loyal reader in me, regardless. :) As far as the introverted thing, I too am extremely introverted and don't really like to meet new people at all and don't have a huge circle of friends, much less 750 million friends on Facebook. It takes me a long time to open up, and of course that is my loss. I would say that you do open yourself up to people here as well as in real life as you said, but I would guess that your feeling of people "not liking you" is in your head. I know I tend to over-analyze and be extremely self-conscious and sometimes project my feelings about myself onto the way I perceive others to feel about me. I doubt seriously anyone dislikes you, and if they do, don't waste the effort worrying about it. Be true to yourself as you are, and they will love you for it. I'll stop now instead of rambling on, but I hope this helps in a small way. You have a friend way out west in Texas.

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  14. Hi Sherry! It's so good to see you on here again! I'm sorry about your issues. You're right, I can definitely relate. It keeps me going to know you are still out there reading, so just say Hi from time to time. :-)

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  15. LOL! Thanks, Amy! It means a lot coming from you!

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  16. You sure about that? You haven't seen me in over 10 years. I could just be some older, fatter imposter.

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  17. It's still you. I know it!!! :-)

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  18. Hi! Thanks for your comment. I'll keep what you've said here in mind when I feel discouraged from lack of comments.


    I'd rather not point the blogger out by name. Sorry, but given my past I'm paranoid about offending other bloggers.

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  19. No need to apologize. I barely have time to blog these days. Don't feel obligated to comment. I see you on Facebook, so I know you're still out there. :-)

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  20. Thanks, Katey! It makes me feel so good to hear you read my blog regularly. I don't need much, just some love from time to time to help me keep this blogging thing going. I keep telling myself "quality over quantity."

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  21. Yep, a couple of people said that about my face awhile back. The sad part is I believed them at the time. Thankfully, I've learned since then to not be influenced so much by what other people say about me.


    I'm not a big commenter on blogs either. So, I guess this post is pretty hypocritical. Oh well, I'm just being honest about what's on my mind even if that makes me a hypocrite. Anyway, it's good to hear from you and know that there is someone out there who gets me. Thanks!

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  22. Thanks, Melinda! Good to hear from you!

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  23. Your blog was da bomb. I miss it so much! I think you and your family are some of those rare superstars of the human race, so it means a lot to me to have your support!

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  24. Thanks for this heartfelt comment, Kristin! You've given me a lot to think about. I'm so lucky to have met you through this blog. You're a wonderful person, and I consider it an honor to have you as a reader.

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  25. I think I don't comment much because I am a huge introvert as well and feel shy about commenting. It helps to be reminded that feedback is appreciated.
    I love your blog. I initially came over from GOMI and then stayed because I love your pictures, your outfits and your openess/ willingness to share what you are thinking. I don't read GOMI anymore - it's too negative and I think a lot of the contributors there are just looking for things to criticize - but I'm glad I read there long enough to find your blog.

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  26. Wow...now I want to be Kristin's friend. In part because I don't like to meet new people either (notice my conundrum?) Yep, yep, yep to all she's said: don't ever take away the outfits and reviews (and the music guidance, I'm growing!) but for sure branch out. You have way more to offer than 'just' a fashion blogger.

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  27. Yeah i bought the broken bells album after u posted on of their songs and I love it. Thats the first one that came to mind, but i know there's been more!

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  28. If you are honestly wanting feedback, as opposed to people just telling you not to worry, I would suggest going to someone you know and trust, and asking them their honest opinion about why people may not like you. Then, I would suggest, not responding right away, but really reflecting on what he/she says. As an occasional reader and comment of your blog for a few years, I appreciate your honesty. However, I can also see how you could be a turn-off for me in real life because you come across on the blog as not really reflective of things or taking responsibility. It seems to me, you like to blame everything and everyone else instead of trying to think about where other people in your life are coming from. It's very "me, me, me" instead of maybe trying to be understanding.

    That doesn't mean you have to accept everything. I know shit about your parents and you describe a not-so-good relationship with them. I get it, I do too. But, I also try to see where my mother is coming from, which makes me more empathetic. Don't get me wrong, having boundaries with people (I don't really talk with her but that's a long story) is very different than trying to be empathetic. But I guess, that's what comes across on your blog (again, I judge this from only what you write on your blog - what you put out there, and you asked) - a lack of empathy and a case of self-absorption. Doesn't mean you're a horrible person, just means that could be a reason people could be put off by you... JMO

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  29. And that is a bit hypocritical. It seems you want the community to respond to you but don't want to put in the effort to responding to others. I'm not a blogger but my perception is just that - you make friends or regular commenters on your site but commenting on their site (not in a spammy way) and trying to engage each other.

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  30. Maybe, you can install a "Like" button or any clickable "emoticon" to show that people care even if they do not want to come out of their introvert's shell.

    It is also a good idea to break your wonderful and long posts into paragraphs after each picture. That way you will tie pictures into the context of the post more and will give a reader a richer verbal and visual experience.

    Just my 2 cents)

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  31. Hi Bonnie,

    I am a frequent reader but rarely comment. (I just wrote this comment twice and lost it...twice. yes I am technically challeged)

    Anyway, I think the pictures that Jerry takes of you are stunning. The lighting, the composition, the setting and of course the subject are all beautiful. I also appreciate seeing your outfits because I am also an avid Anthro shopper with a similar body type.

    Keep up the good work!

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  32. Kristin Moore SzalayMay 23, 2013 at 2:26 PM

    Right back at you! I appreciate your kind words.

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  33. Kristin Moore SzalayMay 23, 2013 at 2:27 PM

    Awww. Bless you! As an introverted homebody, I've got lots of openings for computer friends! :)

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  34. I've never ever commented on a blog ever and I read several of them fairly frequently. I'm not even sure why I'm doing it now. I've just always thought "my one comment doesn't matter." Bonnie, you are beautiful. So beautiful. I love your thoughts. Actually, I come back to your blog over and over BECAUSE of your thoughts you share. I've stopped looking at blogs that are mostly just made up of outfit pictures because that's fucking boring. Thanks for your honesty, your open heart, your open mind...you have a friend all the way in Portland, Oregon.

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  35. You are incredibly immature, shallow, self-absorbed, and selfish. All that matters to you are your feelings and what you want to do. There is is never an expression of anything outside yourself

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  36. Awesome! Glad to meet you, friend! :o) Introverted homebody - I can identify. I keep wanting to buy a home on the island just 20 minutes outside of our town, because gosh, wouldn't it be great to have a MOAT? I should probably get out more...

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  37. Thanks for commenting despite your challenges! ;-) These commenting systems can be a real pain in the ass sometimes, so it was probably more its fault that it lost your comment than yours.

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  38. Thanks for sharing your opinion. I appreciate your honesty as well.

    I don't really agree with you on the reflecting and not taking responsibility thing. I think I'm a very reflective person, that's mainly what I do on this blog. Also, I'm the first person to admit that I'm flawed, make mistakes, and am responsible for quite a bit of the strife in my life.

    I can see how I can come across as self-absorbed because I write about my life on here from my perspective, but how else can I write a personal blog? You know?

    Since we are being honest here, I think that people who make judgments on others and tell them how they should respond to things are self-absorbed. I have a person in my life who is around the same age as me and is always giving me "pearls of wisdom" that I do not ask for. I find this person really pretentious and off putting. I guess what I'm trying to say is we are all different and what is off putting in a person to me may not be the same for you. This is why, for the most part, we have to live our lives according to our own personal compass. Some people will be attracted to us and some won't.

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  39. I can absolutely, totally relate to the feeling of "no one ever likes me." I definitely have "resting bitchface" and I'm sure that puts a lot of people off. Im really not a bitch, im actually super sensitive, but people dont reslly see that. I'd love to have more friends in real life, but I just can't relate to most people. I do have some online friends, sort of, and my husband, who really is my other half.

    I enjoy your openness; I like reading your blog because it's real. I haven't commented much, because to be honest I'm one of those people who feels a bit sad if I'm not acknowledged. But I read all of your posts, and wonder if we wouldn't maybe be friends in "real life" sometimes, because I do feel like I relate to a lot of what you say.

    I guess my point overall is that you're not alone, there are others of us like you. And there are people who very much enjoy what you share!

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  40. I'd like to be friends with both of you! As another introverted sort-of-homebody, it's lovely to see that others really are the same.

    Btw, I'm in Texas too. ;) lets all be friends. ;)

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  41. I know who you're talking about, I read that blog too. I can see how you'd feel the way you do!

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