Jeans: AE Jeggings
"You don't know me. I am an introvert an excavator." - Santigold
“I hate how I don't feel real enough unless people are watching.” - Chuck Palahniuk
Check one, check two. Is this thing still on? It's been awfully quiet around here lately, and I must confess I've been feeling a bit lonely. I know, I'm suppose to be blogging for me and not care if I get any comments on my posts, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me. I think it's only normal to want some validation every now and then, even for an introvert like me.
You see, I'm pretty used to not being liked. I've never been the "popular girl." When I was younger, I was painfully shy, and I thought that was the reason I didn't have many friends, but now that I'm older and able to exert myself more, I'm starting to realize that for whatever reason people just don't like me. It doesn't matter how nice, generous, or relatable I am, people just don't gravitate towards me. I mean, I don't think I'm a saint or anything. I can be a real asshole from time to time just like the next person. However, I do think I go above and beyond to be good to people, and it's frustrating that it doesn't seem to get me anywhere.
I thought this online world we live in now would really make a difference in my social life since it's much easier for me to communicate through the filter of a computer. Even though I have "met" some people online who actually relate to me, the number of those people is very low in proportion to the number I've reached through this blog. It seems I come across as an introvert over the virtual world as well. It never ceases to amaze me how some people can post on Facebook what they had for breakfast and get over 20 likes while I can post something I'm truly passionate about and get crickets.
I don't know exactly what it is about me that puts people off. I've read that some people just don't like my face. They think it looks scary like a Punch and Judy puppet and just can't bring themselves to look at it for fear of having nightmares. Well, folks, sorry, but there's not much I can do about my face. Some people complain that I'm a narcissist, but I can't reconcile how someone who talks about their neck hairs and shares other unpleasant aspects about themselves can be considered a narcissist. Of course, there's my personal favorite complaint that I'm a attention-seeking whore. I'm sorry, but who the hell doesn't like attention? That's pretty much what motivates all of us from the time we are tiny babies. Putting your thoughts and pictures on a blog is no different than putting your thoughts and gifs on a snark site. The motivation is the same: attention from others. As far as the whore part goes, I've had 2 sex partners in the past 13 years. Clearly, I'm not a very good whore. Maybe my candidness scares people. The more popular bloggers do tend to be those who don't share very much about themselves. However, one of the bigger bloggers came out with a post recently sharing some of her personal struggles, and she got over 700 comments, so that pretty much debunks that theory.
I guess I'm just an all around lame person, and that's okay. Not all of us can be superstars of the human race. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't get bitter when I see a blogger who posts only pictures of herself in her designer duds get hundreds of comments and ten of thousands of readers when I spend hours on a post that generates hardly one comment. It's difficult to find the motivation to meticulously pick out photo locations, type up heart felt posts, and find the perfect song lyrics when I feel like nobody is listening. Oh well, that's the way it goes for us introverts. The important thing is that I am as true to myself as I can possibly be, even if myself is not all that appealing.
P.S. I'm not fishing for comments with this post, just sharing my honest feelings. We all need to be a whiny bitch some days. Please don't feel the need to comment unless you really have something you want to say.
P.S.S. Don't comment unless you really want to...I mean it!