Strange Light

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Necklaces: Anthropologie Bijouterie Layering Necklaces - Medium and Short

"Gold light breaks behind the houses. I don’t see what’s strange about this." - The National

I've been in a weird place this week, like I'm sort of out of sync with the rest of the world. Maybe it was my mini-vacation at the end of last week. I don't know. The worst part is this disconnect has carried over into my interactions with Jerry. I know, I know. I'm just asking for trouble by posting anything less than shiny, happy details about my relationship with Jerry when so many people wish us ill will, but we have problems just like everyone else. Besides, I think it's good to present all aspects of my life in an honest light.

Speaking of light, Jerry didn't care much for these pictures. He said that the light was strange. For some reason this really bothered me. I think it was because I really loved these photos specifically for the light. We are so often on the same page that it's a real jolt to my emotions when we disagree on things, and we've seemed to disagree on things a lot lately.

It all started when Jerry got sick on the way back home from our trip to Richmond last Thursday. I mentioned to him several times over the next 3 days that he should go to the doctor, but he kept saying he was getting better. On Sunday night he had one of the worst cases of chills I've ever seen in my life. On Monday morning I asked him one last time if he was going to the doctor, and he got really pissed off at me for "pushing" him.

His cold attitude toward me really hurt, so I've kept my distance this week. The few interactions that we've had have been more "disagreements." Jerry is a master at building walls, and I usually try my best to tear them down, but I just didn't have the energy this time. I think it's because I was coming from a place of love and concern for his well being, and he made me feel like a nagging fool for it. I've since informed him that I will never mention the word "doctor" to him again. He seemed annoyed by my declaration. He has also been telling me I should "go to the doctor" whenever I complain about any ailments now. Smart ass... Anyway, we've spent the last few days living like distant relatives, exchanging social niceties and going about our household tasks, but not really communicating.

Relationships are hard, man. Jerry and I have certainly come a long way from exchanging loving quotes and sweet nothings over emails with each other just a couple of years ago. It makes me wonder. Does everyday life and all the burdens that come along with it eventually transform us all into former ghosts of ourselves shuffling around our houses barely noticing one another? Are all relationships doomed to turn into shit in the end?

I don't think so. I think it just takes work, even for soul mates. Jerry and I had a good talk last night, and I feel much better about things now. We agreed there were faults on both sides, and we were even able to laugh about some of it. I've realized that it's only natural to see each other through a strange light every now and then. The important thing is we found our way out of it, together.      



  1. Yes, yes, yes relationships are hard work, but when they are with the right person there is no way to believe that all relationships will eventually end up as shit. Talking, compromising, and picking your battles are the keys for me. Yes, sometimes I will be hurt by something my partner says, but trying to take things from his point of view can often help me to see how I am making a bigger deal out of things than I should. Knowing your own limits and standing for them is important.

    Also, I was loving the light in these pictures before reading about their controversial nature. I think they are just lovely!

  2. I love the light in these photos. LOVE. Also relationships take work. Work. And more work.

  3. So, the weird thing is, I was thinking that the light in these photos remind me of why I started reading your blog! Seriously, I was drawn to your pics before I really started "READING" it. I just discovered Anthro and I started reading everything I could on the subject. Anyway, yay for you and Jerry working on your relationship. Keep it real, girl...keep it real and things will work out. xoxo

  4. I hear you. I love m husband but sometimes he pisses me off! I'm sure I piss him off too though. That's the way it goes! Whenever I get really annoyed I go and do something nice for myself like a pedicure or go buy some new lipstick at Walmart - whatever. By the time I get home he misses me and I feel better getting some space.

  5. LOL! Great advice! I'll try that next time. Any excuse to go shopping... I'm shopping in the name of conflict resolution. ;-)

  6. Thanks Sherry! It's good to know I'm not the only one who is digging the lighting in these pics.

  7. Thanks Anna! Yep, relationships ain't no walk in the park.

  8. Thanks for sharing what works for you! You've given me some good stuff to consider. Glad you like the pics!

  9. Oh, Catherine, I'm with you. I HATE the silent treatment. I'm a talker and resolver. However, Jerry is a wall builder. Whenever we have conflict, I find myself having to tear down his walls before I can get him to talk. It's work, but work I'm willing to do for the sake of our relationship. I was just so hurt and frustrated this time that I took a little longer than usual tearing down that wall and communicating with him. I'll try not to make that mistake again. It didn't do either of us any favors.

    I'm so happy Cathy was here and liked this post! :-)

  10. I think one has to be aware of a couple of things to make things work in the long-term: 1. relationships and people change and evolve and sometimes the "rules" change...and small disagreements occur when larger issues are in play. Is Jerry asking for more space? Consider it. 2. Expectations can be unrealistic. Will the "exchanging loving quotes and sweet nothings" last forever? No. Will the physical aspects of a relationship, regardless of how powerful at first, stay the glue that keeps the thing together for years and years. No. You two know these things. Be honest about them. The bases of partnerships change. Discuss among yourselves.


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