Dress: Anthropologie Refined Cord Shirtdress - Size 8
Cami: AE - Size M
Belt: Anthropologie Looping Lanes Belt - Size M
Boots: Frye Paige Tall Riding Boots - Size 8.5
Necklace: Ruche
"Stop chasing shadows, just enjoy the ride." - Morcheeba
Welcome to another episode of "How Not to Wear Your Anthro." I have to say I was very surprised by the response to my last post. Just when you think you've grown a thicker skin and don't care what people think anymore, you get brought back down a notch or two. I had such a great New Year's Eve, and I put a lot of effort into what I wore that night, so I have to admit that it hurt to have so many people criticize it. Yes, I know you've got to be tough if your going to post pictures of yourself on the Internet for all to see, but I'm human and, well, it got to me.
I understand that most of you were just trying to give me constructive criticism, and I can appreciate that, but it's confusing as hell when you've got some people saying "you dress too frumpy, show off that slamming body" and other's saying "you're not toned enough to wear strapless, cover that shit up." The one that really got me is that I can't wear shoes that hit at my ankle. Wow, that eliminates practically every shoe known to mankind (love you Katie).
Let's face it, style is personal. Just as I cannot live my life to please everyone, I cannot dress according to what everyone else wants me to wear. I have to wear what feels comfortable to me. Yes, my body may look slamming in a sheath dress, but I don't like sheath dresses. I feel like a corporate asshole in them. The only reason I own one is because a friend bought it for me. I like what I like, and if it makes me look like a brick then so be it. I'll be the best looking damn brick on the block.
At the end of the day, it's just clothes, but there's a more important lesson to be learned here: living your life to please others is a miserable existence. You will NEVER be able to please everyone, so it's pointless to even try. The only person you should worry about pleasing is yourself. If you like what you're wearing and it makes you feel good then rock the shit out of it! Life's too short to live it on other people's terms. I say fuck "the rules" and wear what makes you happy.
“Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.”
― Gore Vidal
― Gore Vidal
Posts
Oh, I loooove this outfit on you... the deep v of the unbuttoned dress creates such a lovely line, and putting your hair up and wearing long earrings draws attention to your neck. This might be my favorite use of accessories that you've posted. And I love how you've broken one of the outdated "rules" of style-- not wearing brown and black together-- and it looks so modern and cool!
ReplyDeleteThat blue door is gorgeous. If you'd be up for it, I'd love to hear more about the process of taking your outfit photos! You always seem to find beautiful settings with incredible light. Do you scout out locations first, or pack up the camera and the boyfriend and head out looking for inspiration? Can I request a 'day in the life of a style blogger' sort of post?
Hope you're having a lovely evening!
x Julie
this outfit is so cute! I loved that dress, but they didn't have it in my size at the final sale:(
ReplyDeleteThe main thing is that you are comfortable with who you are. I did think that you did look like you have put on some weight but the last photo shows how much Jerry loves to cuddle you and even if their is more to cuddle its not a bad thing, its better than being a bag of bones. You look happy that's all that matters not how you look but how you feel inside and you are glowing. You look happy so don't let the negative comments dim your light.
ReplyDeleteI noticed the "constructive criticism" in the previous post, and I actually found it very rude! You'd already made it quite clear that you loved what you wore that night, and that you'd really enjoyed yourself. Really, what else mattered?!
ReplyDeleteI have a few close friends who will tell me the honest truth about my outfits (and usually only when I ask). And there are very few people who I will offer "constructive criticism" to in return. They are the friends who I'll take with me when shopping for things like swimwear! "Constructive" criticism is rarely wanted out of the blue - or valued OR necessary! Hardly "constructive" opinions are they?!
Bonnie, I've been fairly "vocal" here lately, so perhaps in time we will also be "friends", but I can assure you, if I think you can improve an outfit, I'll email you and discuss it with you privately! And if I do that, it would only be fair for me to email you photos of myself at the same time, and ask for your input! A true friendship goes both ways after all!
Manners people! I certainly hope you don't walk up to random strangers on the street (or even people you know - your doctor, dentist, kids' teachers??) and tell them how they could dress better!!
Perhaps a good new years' resolution for some blog readers would be to post only what is positive, uplifting and helpful, and to keep their criticism - constructive or otherwise - to themselves!
About the ankle comment, I think she was talking about ankle straps cutting off your legs, not all shoes in general. And for the record, I think you look great most of the time. People were overly critical about how you dress in one post and one dress, not about every style post you do. Don't let it get to you!
ReplyDelete**Applause** Precisely.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm not hating! I think you're gorgeous. Just do an experiment - take a pic wearing the ankle shoes with darker tights and without and you'll see what I mean.
ReplyDeleteGreat photos, Bonnie! I love the simplicity of the dress paired with the fun accessories (and the blue door!). I have that dress in my closet, and you've reminded me that I need to pull it out! So cute.
ReplyDeleteAnd for what it's worth, all I really thought about your New Years Eve pictures was how happy you look. That's really all that matters, right?
I'm sorry to see that you're still getting a lot of comments that upset and frustrate you. For what it's worth, I think the New Years photos looked great. While the dress looked good, I thought what really made the pictures great was how happy and radiant you looked. In the end, that's all the matters. If you feel confident and good about yourself, screw what anyone else thinks.
ReplyDeleteI've never noticed the ankle-strap shoe thing on you, but that *is* a rule I imposed on myself. I'm not sure exactly what the commenter meant, but maybe she mean choose more "open" styles of shoes rather than something that wraps around your ankle. I avoid those styles because, at 5'1", they chop off the line of my leg and make me look really stumpy. I haven't noticed that about you, though.
Even though you don't seem like you want "constructive" critism (the entire point of this post), I would think you would appreciate the style "tips." For instance, the dress in this post is too small on top. Its one thing to leave a dress (or jacket) unbuttoned, but its another if it can't button. My mother told me a long time ago that a jacket is too small if it can't button comfortable. So, even if you plan to wear it open, it still needs to be able to button.
ReplyDeleteI just read all the comments on your last post, and I think its really sad people feel compelled to criticize everything from your shoes, to some imagined weight gain. Really, people? I find those who criticize, under the veil of being "constructive," are really just passively aggressively trying to tell you that they KNOW better than you. "I know its YOUR body, but please, let me tell YOU how to dress it - I mean, I watch 'What Not to Wear,' don't you know!'
ReplyDeletePlease...
And, Bonnie, just because you have a blog, I don't think that makes you fair game for snarky, anonymous comments. Don't we teach our kids to play nice? Um, Golden Rule...anyone?
I work for Anthro, in addition to teaching full-time. My favourite part of the job is helping people find things they love, no matter their size and shape. We are not paid on commission, so there is no pressure to sell something that looks unflattering on a customer. If someone comes out of a fitting room and an item doesn't really work, I'll just say, "I think we can do better than that." Its not a comment about them as a person, just about ONE item of clothing. I can tell you that the vast majority of woman have very distorted views of themselves. Most customers perceive themselves as bigger than they really are and above all, customers are their own worst critics. The number one question we get in Fits is, "Do you think I need a bigger size?" and almost always the answer is no.
I'm not an expert, but I think you looked pretty on NYE. You probably looked better than 99% of the American population that night. Hell, I wore yoga pants on NYE!
Continue to wear what makes you happy. And, before you let others comments get to you, consider why and if their comments are legitimate. Maybe they should send you a picture of their NYE's outfit, and you can judge THEIR fashion expertise? I think you would have few takers.
Best,
Allison
A lot of bloggers use their blogs as an opportunity for growth and experimentation. I agree with the commenters in the previous thread that you often do fitting room reviews and your "choices" as to what you purchase and what you don't are baffling. It would seem to me that you have a fantastic opportunity to develop an individual style and determine what clothing choices are right for your body type, rather than reaching for simply what you find aesthetically pleasing on the hanger.
ReplyDeleteHow do you know it doesn't button?
ReplyDeleteIt does button comfortably - see attached pic. I just thought the cami looked cute underneath it.
I find it baffling that people who are looking at a 1 dimensional blurry phone photo taken in the reflection of a mirror in a poorly lit dressing room can tell me if something flatters me or not when I and others have seen the garment in real life from every angle and all agreed that it looks good on me. Why on earth would I want to wear things that don't look good on me? I'm probably my own worst critic.
ReplyDeleteAllison, I love you!
ReplyDeleteOh, I like Allison's idea. If anyone wants to post a 'constructive criticism', they have to submit one of their outfits, and ask for your opinion. ;o)
ReplyDeleteWhy do people feel a need to criticize others? I didn’t think most of those comments were constructive at all. As somebody else already mention I hope these immature women are not giving advice that wasn’t asked when they go to the bank or walk down the street.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you screw rules. Just wear what you feel comfortable. I graduated in fashion design but I just couldn’t stand the shallowness of this industry. I hate rules and I wear what I want and what makes me feel good.
I’m sure it must be hard but try not to let these mean comments get to you. They probably are so self conscious about themselves that they feel like they have to follow every single rule to look acceptable.
By the way I really like your outfit!
Thanks, Nadja!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words, Rebecca. I understood what Katie meant. I was just being a little overly dramatic in the post. One thing I've never had any complaints about is my legs. I may be fat in other places, but not my legs. Yes, I'm not tall, but I'm not short either. I'm a pretty average height and since my legs are so slim, I feel I can get away with wearing these type of shoes. I guess some people don't agree.
ReplyDeleteI know, Katie! I was just picking on you. Alright, I'm down for the experiment. I'll even do a post on it!
ReplyDeleteWell, sweet baby Jesus, you approve! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying, Jade. I'm trying...
ReplyDeleteYes, Anna! Can we please be friends because I like the way you think? Jerry is my constructive criticizer, but apparently, he is not doing a good job. You can email me and tell me how frumpy I look anytime! LOL!
ReplyDeletePostive affirmation for today: I'm not fat, I'm just more cuddly!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Paige! Maybe you can track one down on Ebay.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Julie! It's so nice that you are interested in what goes on "behind the scenes." I'm afraid that you are probably the only one who is interested in that sort of thing, so I'll just answer your questions here.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy!
ReplyDeleteI love you too, Tracy!
ReplyDeleteBonnie, I think you always look great...if you love something and the way it makes you feel, then who cares about anyone else. Screw it!
ReplyDeleteOh Bonnie, I am so sorry! I did not mean for what I said to sound like "cover that shit up!" I am really, really sorry. Sometimes, we just say the wrong things. Please know that you are beautiful, as is your blog, how you dress and style things and your photos! I love visiting your blog for ideas! I was really trying to be helpful but I think it came out sounding all wrong.
ReplyDeleteMoving on...
These pictures are gorgeous! Your hair looks so pretty up and the dress looks amazing! You look super tiny here. :)
And don't hate the shift dress- it looks stunning on you and not "corporate" at all!
Catherine, don't beat yourself up over it. You just told me what you thought. I know you didn't mean it maliciously. I wrote "cover that shit up" to be funny, not because I was angry.
ReplyDeletePlease don't feel lke you have to lay the compliments on thick now. Just be yourself.
Georgeous outfit and styling.
ReplyDeleteI love pairing brown accessories with black clothing.
I read your blog all the time, and I just can't get over how many cruel people there are out there. Honestly, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!! Anthro clothes are NMS, but they look great on you, and if you love something, that is all that matters. I'm betting that all of these folks leaving the nasty comments don't wake up looking like a fashion model every day.
ReplyDeleteI think you looked great on NYE, you just looked Happy - and that's all that matters.
Love reading your blog and will continue to do so and wish that all the haters would just start the new year off right and go away.
Wishing you both the best in the new year.
Nikki
In short, you're doing this all wrong. If you're ever going to develop a personal style you need to do things just like everyone else. We wouldn't want anyone to be caught off guard with your choices. Much less baffled, so please be more of a cookie cut. It's what's expected.
ReplyDeleteWell, you already touched on this in the comment about the dressing room photos, but here's my two cents :)
ReplyDeleteThere's a saying that the camera adds 10 pounds, and that is due to making the 3D photographed object/person into a 2D picture. This seems like a classic example of that. Pro photographers can minimize that with lighting techniques, but as you already said, the restaurant was very dim and lighting was tricky. I think that, combined with the light colored material, made you look bigger in the photos than you did in real life.
I do agree with some of the other commenters that the Dulcie dress was not the best dress for your body but............screw it, you obviously can wear whatever makes you feel good! And as someone who has also put on about 5lbs of "happy weight", who cares. Sure as hell beats being unhappy and "skinny".
Today's dress, on the other hand, looks freaking amazing. I love the whole look. Absolutely perfect.
I also work at anthro, and I just want to second what allison said about us not working on commission. We're encouraged to help our costumers feel beautiful, not sell them something that they will potentially only wear once. And I definitely would not encourage someone to purchase an unflattering item. As for yesterday's outfit.. it was cute! It was appropriate for the occasion, fun, and most importantly you felt good in it.
ReplyDeleteI really like this outfit, you look super. I've enjoyed reading your blog for outfit ideas since I started reading it this past year. Your reviews and outfits have inspired me to try some things that I normally wouldn't because they looked so nice on you. I am glad you wear clothes that you like and that appeal to you - if we all followed the same "rules" how boring would that be! Wishing you all the best in 2012!
ReplyDeleteOkay, you are hilarious too. There's that don't forget. :)-
ReplyDeleteWhile checking your blog again today, I realized that there is dressing for yourself and dressing for your body. The two ideas don't always go hand in hand because what flatters our body the most isn't necessarily what we love aesthetically. I think that when most people read fashion blogs, they tend to assume that the blogger should follow fashion rules that best flatter her body type. Well like most rules and conventions, they're made up. Just fabrications of the human imagination to make sense and bring order to our world. These rules aren't found in nature, but they have become ingrained in our heads, so we feel compelled to pick on the ones who don't abide by the rules. Should we compromise what appeals to us aesthetically, pulls at our heart strings, for a lesser piece of clothing that hides our flaws and enhances our best assets? Why do we, as women, feel the need to hide our flaws? As a petite woman, I struggle to dress for my body all the time. As an Anthro shopper, I know that they are not petite friendly, but I love the uniqueness of their style more than any other stores. So what if my favorite dress with the bold print and full skirt swallows me up and emphasizes my small frame? At the end of the day, I feel better in that dress than the boring, fitted, shorter one that gives the illusion of elongating my legs. I applaud you Bonnie for taking a stance on dressing for yourself and screwing the rules, as you do with important matters in your life as well.
ReplyDeleteTo borrow a phrase from your Interweb Nemesis, let me give you a Pro Tip: People/commenters are yanking your chain because of the way you react to "critical" posts. If you truly DGAF what other people have to say, you wouldn't constantly post about not GAF about what other people have to say. Your reactions to your "haters" (and I use the term loosely) are fueling the fire. Don't give them ammo, and they'll go away. Unless you like the attention and want them to stay. Either way, you're not going to win anyone over. People who are going to like you are going to like you. A lot of people won't. That's just life, and it's no big deal. If you take every little tiny problem to heart (someone honked at me in a parking lot! I couldn't get a drink fast enough! Christmas is ruined!), you'll be miserable!! That ain't no way to live, girl. Enjoy your life. You've got a man who loves you and a bunch of awesome clothes. Oh, and three really cute kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right! And, yes, I do GAF. This post was describing how I want to feel, sort of a pep talk to myself, than how I actually feel. I understand the criticism, but it bothers me. I don't think anyone likes to hear anything negative about themselves. It's really easy to say "Don't let it bother you" when it's not happening to you, but you are absolutely right you can't take every problem to heart.
ReplyDeleteWell, to be blunt, if you do not think about your audience when you post on your blog, you are just creating a vicious cycle of defensiveness/criticism/defensiveness for yourself, and it takes some introspection and self-awareness to overcome the drive to perpetuate that sort of thing. You absolutely do have control over the way you feel. If you don't control your emotions, they will control you. Sorry to sound argumentative, but I feel like you've been talking yourself in a circle since September. It must be exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to let a bunch of negative commenters effect what I post. This blog is a honest portrayal of who I am (good and bad), and the fact is when you don't conform, people attack you. Just by being me, I am setting myself up for criticism. I understand the consequences.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sara! I think you look pretty great too! :-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, you tell 'em. I'm not fat, it was just...the lighting! Yeah! LOL!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I think you are right, but I also don't think I look fat in those pictures. It amazes me what passes for "fat" these days. Thanks for the comment!
Thanks, Nikki!
ReplyDeleteGirl, you didn't have to tell me! The employees at my local Anthro are awesome! I'm on a first name basis with most of them, and I know they wouldn't sell me something that looks bad on me. They have definitely told me when they don't care for something. Thanks for the comment!
ReplyDeleteWell, I obviously only know what you post on your blog, and it wouldn't be surprising to find that what you say here is only a small glimpse into your personality. I don't think you should try to be "who everyone wants you to be" at all. I also don't really believe you are living on your own terms. You are very, very concerned about what other people think. Then again, who really lives on their own terms. Spoiler alert: NO ONE. ?
ReplyDeleteLove this comment, Jade! I read it this morning, and it made my day! Thanks for summing up exactly how I feel too in such an eloquent manner! I really do have the best readers!
ReplyDeleteI just don't get why you have a blog posting your daily outfits, with comments, if you don't want to hear people's opinions about those outfits. If you enable comments simply to receive compliments, and have a hard time with criticism, even if it's constructive, it's tough for me to feel sympathetic for you. It's fair to assume that you have a public blog because you want people to read it. If this is all about you, and your self expression, and you have no interest in the opinions of others (except if they're positive), why not make your blog private? You really can't have your cake and eat it too.
ReplyDeletefyi, i own 20+ pairs of shoes and exactly 0 of them hit at the ankle.
ReplyDelete