A Vision of the Future Inspired by the Past

Thank you so much for all the contest entries! I am really enjoying reading about your resolutions and looking at your pictures. I will announce the winner tomorrow! Today, I'm posting my photo for the contest. I was gonna post it tomorrow when I post everybody else's, but I decided it would be better to post mine separately since I'm going to give you my life story, well, not really, but I am going to give you the story behind my New Year's Resolution. I'll warn you now, it's a long one.

Let's go back to July 2009. I had what I guess some would call a nervous breakdown. The clinical term was Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Whatever the label, it came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. It all started in the middle on the night. My heart was literally beating out of my chest, and I just felt weird. My husband drove me to the ER. They determined nothing was wrong with me. I went back home and for the next 3 weeks, I went through the worst experience of my life. You know the way you feel when you trip and start to fall or when somebody tells you really bad news? That slow motion, out of body feeling? I had that ALL the time. It was awful. I was sick on my stomach. I couldn't eat anything for 3 weeks and lost 20 pounds! I had weird tingling sensations and hot flashes, and cried alot and couldn't sleep. I read alot during this time to try and figure out what was going on with my body. I learned that I was caught in a vicious cycle. Excess adrenaline was being released in my body, and I reacted in fear to the sensations it was causing which released even more adrenaline. I learned that there has been a history of this in my family. My Grandma was committed for a few months during the 1950's for the same thing. She got on some medicine and got better. My sister started having Panic Attacks in her 30's. She got on Prozac and got better. So, it seemed I needed to get on some medicine myself. I went to a shrink, and he put me on Prozac, but it took 8 weeks to really start working. During those 8 weeks, I went through alot. I had to take 2 weeks off work until the crazy sensations went away. Then I moved into a new phase of my disorder - hyperchondria. Because I had lost so much weight and I wasn't gaining it back, I had convinced myself that something was physically wrong with me. I became convinced I had Cancer. I noticed some bruises on my legs. I Googled it and Leukemia came up. I went to the doctor and had blood drawn. It took a few days to get the results back. I drove myself crazy with fear. I just knew I had it. Of course, the blood work came back fine. So, a few days later I found a little lump in my breast, convinced myself I had breast cancer, had a mammogram, and found out it was a harmless cyst. Then I became convinced I had colon cancer. I had a colonoscopy (terrible experience) and found out everything was fine. When I was going through all this, I told myself that if I ever felt good again, I was going to live my life differently. I used to never do the things I really wanted to do out of fear of what other people thought. I vowed that I would not live my life in fear anymore.

Fast forward a few months, instead of Googling disease symptoms, I'm Googling to find information about an shirt from Anthropologie. I stumble across Effortless Anthropologie. "Wow, I thought! What a great little website!" I started clicking on the links to other blogs and discovered that there was this whole community of people who were obsessed with Anthropologie as much as I was. I thought it would be fun to start my own blog, so I did! People in my life thought it was stupid and they still do, but I remembered what I had promised to myself, and I decided that this was something I was doing for me!

I started this blog to keep me from shopping so much. I've gotten into quite a bit of debt over the years with my shopping addiction. I thought this blog would give me something to do to occupy my time and creative energy, so I wouldn't be tempted to buy so many new clothes. Problem is, I think it kinda backfired on me. I've spent more money on clothes since I started the blog then I did before. So, with the start of the New Year, I feel I need to focus on my original plan for this blog. My picture represents my resolve to cut myself off from credit cards and stick to my budget. I knew I wanted to do a picture where I was cutting up a credit card. I was collaborating with my photographer friend over the picture, and he mentioned something about an oversized credit card. The next morning, this Anthropologie catalog picture popped into my head.

I thought it would be cool to recreate this photo, but instead of cutting up the floor, I could cut up one of my credit cards. Kudos to my photographer for making this possible. He's got skills! I couldn't have done this without him! So, here is the result: (drumroll please)

Now, I just hope I can follow through with my resolution. I'll need your help readers! There are going to be moments when that new dress comes out at Anthropologie, and I'm going to want to buy it, but I don't have the money in my budget. I need you guys to keep me in check during these times. I hope you all enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy doing it! I look forward to talking more fashion with you in the New Year! Happy New Year!