Top: Fossil
Skirt: Old Navy
Shoes: Kensie Girl
Jewelry: The Limited
"The past is a grotesque animal and in it's eyes you see." - Of Montreal
I started this blog not to receive compliments and validation, but to express myself through the things I love: fashion, photography, music, and writing. I realized that being from a small town I didn't know a thing about fashion. I also knew nothing about photography. What I did know was that I loved the clothing at Anthropologie, appreciated the artistic pictures in the catalog, and enjoyed reading Anthro-related fashion blogs. I thought it would be fun to do my own blog with Anthro-esque photo shoots. Growing up on a farm, there are many places around me that look interesting for photos. I knew I wasn't a model or beautiful. I just thought it would be fun and give me a creative outlet. I also knew I wasn't a great writer, but I have a passion for it and thought this would be a way for me to live my dream. I found writing about my life and sharing it with others therapeutic. I knew I would never have many followers, but I thought if I could connect with a few people who had been through similar experiences, it would be a positive influence in my life. Of course, I wasn't naive. I expected to receive some negative comments. I did my best to take the criticism and make something useful out of it. I had readers tell me that a dress I was wearing would look better styled a different way. I took their advice and posted a different look based on their suggestions. I didn't think so highly of myself that I wasn't open to other people's opinions. Quite the opposite, I have a problem thinking everyone is better than me and relying too heavily on their opinions.
I grew up under a controlling, perfectionist mom. Nothing I ever did was good enough. I maintained straight A's throughout school and was valedictorian of my graduating class. This was not good enough for her. She constantly called me lazy and said that she doubted I'd be able to get into the local community college. My school life wasn't that nurturing in the self-confidence area either. The summer between 6th and 7th grade, my boobs grew from nonexistent to DD's. I've always been an average sized person - not skinny, but not overweight either. Needless to say, the DD's stood out on my frame. I was picked on horribly. It got so bad at one point, I considered going to a different school. Ultimately, I was too shy and scared to go to a different school, so I stayed there and took the abuse. I did manage to get into college, but spent my first 2 years hiding away from people because I had horrible social anxiety. I struggled every morning to get to class on time because it took me so long to get ready. I felt like I couldn't leave my house unless I looked a certain way. I still struggle with this. I had a breast reduction the summer after my first year in college and that helped a lot with my self-esteem. Also, once I declared my major, I made some friends and college life got easier. I started coming out of my shell some. I even went out to the clubs a few times. Due to my past, I've never had high self-esteem. Also, I'm easily swayed by other people's opinions. As I've gotten older, my self-confidence has increased, but I still find myself caring too much about what others think. I guess I never learned to value my own opinions.
I never anticipated when I started this blog, the shit storm that has happened over the past few weeks. I just wanted to write about an important event in my life in the only way I knew how - unfiltered honesty. I didn't want attention, and I didn't want to hurt anyone.
I'm struggling with my self-confidence again, and it's my own fault. I can't seem to keep myself from reading the negative comments on other sites. I've had people say I have "man face", and I look like a transgender person. After reading those comments, I started looking closely at my pictures and started buying into what they were saying about me. I've always taken pride in my femininity, but I'm doubting that now. Every time I look in the mirror, the comments about how ugly I am play out in my head. I've read comment after comment about my awful hair. Yes, I agree, it's not the ideal hair, but I do what I can with it. I've read that I'm huge and look pregnant. I'm aware my body isn't perfect. I try my best to dress it to emphasize the positive and camouflage the negative.
People have been asking me "why" a lot lately. Well, I've got a why of my own. Why me? These websites promote themselves as calling people out on their bullshit. Most of the bloggers they target have huge followings, get lots of perks for blogging, and present an image that is only positive. I have hardly any followers, I have never received a single dime for blogging, and I don't bullshit. I tell about my life just the way it is. So why do you feel the need to bash me? You think my poses are funny? You think my face is ugly? You think my hair is bad? You think I'm fat? You don't agree with my life choices? You think I'm a homewrecking whore? If these are your reasons then how are you any better than the people you are criticizing? You say fashion bloggers are shallow, you say we are immature, and you say we only care about ourselves. How is what you are doing any different?
I know this post is bad idea. I'm just adding more fuel to the fire. I need to move on. People will say I'm just doing it for sympathy or attention. Well, I haven't moved on yet, and I'm having a hard time with all this. I know, I know. You've got to be thick-skinned to post on the Internet. Well, I'm not thick-skinned. I know it's my problem, and I'm not typing this for sympathy. I'm just being honest about the way I'm feeling right now. I'm a insecure woman who is still haunted by my past and gives too much weight to other people's opinions.
I'm just me. I may not be pretty, skinny, or smart, but I own who I am, flaws and all. I'm putting myself out here, so I know I have to be willing to handle everything that's thrown my way, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. It would be so easy to shut up shop and run away from all the negativity, but I'll be damned if I'll let the harsh comments of others stop me from doing something I love. I understand if I choose to read the negative comments on other sites, I have to deal with the insecurities it exposes in myself. However, by the same turn, if you choose to read this blog, you're gonna be stuck with my ugly face and my ugly reality whether you like it or not.
the past is a grotesque animal - Of Montreal mp3
Posts
"So why do you feel the need to bash me?" So the comments about your face looking like a horse are completely out of line. Other comments, I imagine, such as suggesting to size up etc I think are meant to help you look the best you can be. Comments regarding being a "homewrecker" have less to do, I'm sure, with you trying to deal with your impending divorce, your having an affair etc and more to post emails of the affair as it developed. People are trying to point out to you the (un)intended consequences of your actions. Being honest is one thing, being "brutally" honest is another. People are wondering why you need to post those emails considering that your affair not only impacted you and him, but also your husband, your kids, his wife, and his kids. It's one thing to digest and talk through your feelings of why you had an affair and decided to leave, it's another to post the emails, which in some people's minds, is just a cruel thing to do. Yes, it's your blog, you have a right to post whatever you want. But realize that your thoughts also have an effect on others. Do you see the difference between the two?
ReplyDeleteWell... I like your outfit today! The skirt is a pretty color and I love the silhouette of the separates. :)
ReplyDeleteClearly, people who have read your personal blog have a certain idea of how to get to you. My blog doesn't have nearly your readership, but I also get guardedly personal about some of the same kind of issues. But I rarely post photos, so any criticism doesn't get so appearance-based and nasty. I have questioned the judgment of some of the things you post and some of the decisions you have made; it's more out of motherly concern, however.
ReplyDeleteDear Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteI am a long time lurker on your blog and will admit that I haven't always liked what I have seen on your blog. As Victoria mentioned, I didn't think it was appropriate when you talked about your affair and the problems you were having with your marriage on the blog, considering the content can be seen by anyone on the internet. Some things are probably better kept to yourself.
That said, I think the body snarking that is happening on GOMI and other sites is absolutely abysmal. NO ONE is perfect, not even the women of GOMI, and to some extent it takes guts to post yourself, flaws, outfits and all, on the internet. I absolutely cannot believe that adult women, who undoubtedly have gone through self-esteem issues of their own, think that it is ok to make fun of someone for their physical appearance. Because it's not. It's bullying. And I am sorry that it has gotten to this point.
Alex
For what it's worth, I've truly enjoyed your blog for the few weeks I've been reading. Not only do I enjoy your photos and your writing, I think you have a great sense of style and have a lovely face. Moreover, I can relate to your struggles, insecurities, and desire to assert yourself in a world that is too damn hard on women. Seeing another lady grapple with the same issues that I've struggled with makes me feel less alone, so, for my own selfish reasons, I'm glad you're still blogging.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a GOMI reader because I appreciate the commentary on some of the bigger name bloggers who, for me, embody a culture of entitlement and vapid consumerism. That said, the site has crossed the line way too many times recently and I just can't be a part of that. There's no justification for the comments they make about you and many of the other hobbyist bloggers. It's one thing to critique bloggers who have made a career out of their image and "personal brand" (they're public figures and make their living from attention). It's another thing to mercilessly rip apart any woman who posts her picture on a personal blog. That's bullying, plain and simple.
I really like your photos. They are nicely varied and arty without being too overdone. I like your writing. I think this blog is a GREAT place to take cool photos and work on your creative writing skills. Turns out it's a slightly less great place to work out issues with your emotionally abusive mother over your divorce. I'm glad you do this and that you have a creative outlet. I hope you will also seek out someone who can help you work through your wounds from your folks. Just because those wounds can't be seen doesn't mean they aren't real. A councilor who cares about you and can help you sort out some of that childhood baggage could be a real benefit to you, I am guessing.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I love GOMI. I'm not sure if there are other sites out there that you are talking about - because I have never read any posts there bashing your looks. The reason I like GOMI is because they typically make fun of stupid actions & not the bloggers in general. There also seems to be a pretty large consensus that "body snarking" is not appreciated; it's cheap - and mean - to make fun of someone's looks, IMO. I wouldn't be a fan of any sites that are as cruel as you are describing.
ReplyDeleteI feel sad for you that you grew up with such an unloving mother. No one deserves that. I think you seem like a nice, sweet person, if a bit lost. You are obviously struggling with some issues, and I hope you find the inner peace & healthy self esteem you're looking for.
I don't really know where I'm going with this comment. I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through such a rough time, and personally, I am not judging you for your life choices. This is your blog, and if you, your family, your boyfriend, and his family are okay with you being so honest with your writing, then no one here should care. If readers don't like it, they can stop reading. (Normally I would even say you should write whatever you want regardless of what ANYONE thinks - but you're not writing anonymously, so I do think it's the right thing to consider your families' feelings. Which you say you are.)
Don't let the cruel comments get you down. And for what it's worth, you don't have a man face, you don't look pregnant, you don't have bad hair, etc.
I'm a new reader here, so am just catching up with everything unfolding. I wouldn't have made the choices you made, but at the end of the day you made a decision that at the time was right for you. So, we can't really judge you (or at least shouldn't judge you) for your personal choices.
ReplyDeleteFor those that are deeply offended by your actions, move on, no one is forcing you to read. Not reading is a choice you can make.
I think the reason people feel that they can criticize you and judge you is that you are open and honest. You put it out there and expose your inner life and feelings, rather than maintain the protective barrier that keeps others from seeing your frailties. And for some reason, people see it as an opportunity to attack. I think this dynamic allows people with their own insecurities to rein over someone who they see as more vulnerable. It's very cruel.
ReplyDeleteYou are not ugly, fat, or stupid. The people who says these things about you are fucked up and have their own inferiority complexes. You are just an easy victim; you allow them to feel a fleeting sense of superiority.
Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteI have read your blog for a number of months and have commented a few times, but not often. Although I haven't read what is being said on the other blogs, I am so sorry that people are being hateful. I cannot understand why there is so much negativity whether it is about you or others. I suppose people find it empowering to hide behind a screen name or internet persona and bully others. This does not bode well for our future because I am sure many of those women are mothers and I can't help wonder what they are teaching their children. They are definitely not setting a good example for those children. Hold your head up high. You may have made some decisions that are unpopular, but you are a beautiful woman. I know I can't say don't let those hateful words get to you because unless someone is built of steel that isn't possible no matter what someone says.
Here is my thing...it's your blog, your space. I'm one of those readers that may not always agree with what you write but I'm not going to tell you about it. My mom taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all. That is a rule I live by.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog because I LOVE your fashion, I enjoy your writing & I relate to (some) things that you blog about. Regardless of what personal decisions you make, you are gorgeous, your decisions are yours & this little blog only shows a hint of who you really are.
Keep doing what your doing & don't let those "negative" comments get you down. No one can every judge any decision you make based solely on the tidbit of info we get here.
Does anyone else realize how ridiculous and high schoolish that type of behavior is? I mean, REALLY??? Grown women in their 20's and 30's, ripping apart a complete stranger based on their appearance???
ReplyDeleteAnd Bonnie, for the record, I think you look great. I just can't believe how catty and shallow some people are.
It's funny that you are feeling insecure about your looks based on a few nasty comments. Funny, because your recent photos are by far your most beautiful. You look peaceful, serene and happy. Yet you say that you are struggling.... You have paid a big price for the life and love you have now. Please don't make that "all for nothing" by failing to enjoy what you have- or second-guessing yourself based on the comments of people who don't even know you. You are a strong, brave woman who deserves to be happy. Life is short. Don't waste precious time with regrets or fear. You owe yourself more than that. And, bye the way, you owe it to the man who gave up the life he had to be with you. He sees who you are and what you are worth.
ReplyDeleteI love your outfit. I bought the same skirt and it fits GREAT! I do have a lace blouse I am now going to try to wear with it.... and about all of the crap. I just don't read bad stuff about people I follow on blogs. I would read them if they were about me... but I have even less of a public profile than you do. Just keep doing what you want for you...I did get one negative comment once and it really floored me. I thought it was weird....it was about my body type. I thought about it for a long time....and then my hubby helped me let it go. I hope photog boyfriend can help you through this. It is nice to have someone support you emotionally. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry other people's comments affect you so much. I hope you will reach a point where that isn't the case anymore. You can't change or control other people. In life, people will always talk, there will always be people who don't like you, don't approve of you, or whatever. I hope you will learn to not let it bother you so much. They have a right to their opinions and they also have a right to express those opinions. But there is no reason to let it get to you. They are just a person with an opinion, just like you. Let them think what they want. What does it matter to your life if someone you don't know doesn't like your face, your body, or your actions? What actual effect does that have on your life and the important things in it? I know it must be hard since the comments are out there in a public forum for anyone to see, but in the end it still comes down to just other people's opinions. I say let people think what they want. Do as you see fit, and focus on your own opinions first and those of the people important to you second and let the rest fall by the wayside. You have important things in your life, focus on those and stop wasting energy on the unimportant. Just my two cents.
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm sorry you're having so many personal problems. I've only seen your blog a few times but I really like your pictures. I come from a childhood filled with physical, mental and sexual abuse so I understand where you come from. I hope you find peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteI love your photos. I would love to have hair like yours. And Anthropologie clothing tends to look fabulous on you -- much better than on me. I've also enjoyed reading about you and Jerry. The only thing I see wrong about posting your story openly is exposing yourself to all the nasty gossipy internet comments -- which you do NOT deserve. But the anonymity of the internet can bring out the worst in people.
ReplyDeleteI bet there are way more people out there who feel the way I do. I bet that a lot of the mean comments come from people who are jealous and resentful of you, and who are deeply unhappy inside.
Anyway, I think you are great!
You feel awful about what strangers on the internet are saying about you? I wonder how Jerry's wife and his kid feel reading about what you and Jerry did behind their back. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself. You're the one who put yourself out there and defended your right to say whatever you please over and over again.
ReplyDeleteHey! So I've been reading your blog for the past couple weeks, and I actually "liked" a couple negative comments from the first post of the emails. I totally feel bad about doing that now. Keep doing what you're doing! You are a wonderful person inside and out!
ReplyDeleteExactly, but she seems incapable of understanding this. Too proud or something.
ReplyDeleteI sent your blog to Robin and Adam via Facebook. I hope they also enjoy your honesty.
ReplyDeleteIt is on GOMI. You have to read the comments; not just posts. Embedded in the comments of a post on another blogger were the comments Bonnie is referring to.
ReplyDeleteI read your blog for your fashion, to be honest. I tend to skip over any of the dramatics.
ReplyDeleteIt does kinda make me irate when you let others thoughts and opinions of you dictate your feelings and mood. I think it's something everyone goes through at some point or another, but don't you see that there are millions upon millions of people in this world and you can't please all of them? Hell, you'd be lucky to please ONE. PLEASE yourself and your children. I can't shake it into you....and from what I understand you've had professional help for your feelings, but come on, Bonnie. You only get one life to live. Only YOU can choose how you live it. Why waste precious minutes and hours on reckless thoughts that only bring you down. Talk about it, get it out, but move along. There are more important things to worry about. So someone thinks you look transgender? OK, well you don't. Don't let someone tell you HOW to see yourself.
Easier said than done, sure.....but seriously.....It's like working out and losing weight...Just freaking DO IT and things will change.
Have a great day!
I have seen no comments on those other websites that I could take as constructive critism. Those people don't seem to be making comments to help me "be the best I can be." To suggest that is ludicrous. Surely not everything I wear is too small for me. Give me specific examples of things I need to size up in and do it in a polite manner, and then I'll be willing to take your advice. I cannot understand how people find my emails "brutally" honest. If anything, I find them to convey, in a way that just writing about my feelings couldn't, the internal struggle Jerry and I went through in leaving our spouses. I was not trying to be cruel, and I don't understand how they can be interpreted as such. As I've stated before, I understood the emotions involved before posting those emails and edited the emails to tell the story but not maliciously hurt anyone. I wish people understood the difference between what they think my motives were for posting the emails and what my motives actually were.
ReplyDeleteI have seen no comments on those other websites that I could take as constructive critism. Those people don't seem to be making comments to help me "be the best I can be." To suggest that is ludicrous. Surely not everything I wear is too small for me. Give me specific examples of things I need to size up in and do it in a polite manner, and then I'll be willing to take your advice. I cannot understand how people find my emails "brutally" honest. If anything, I find them to convey, in a way that just writing about my feelings couldn't, the internal struggle Jerry and I went through in leaving our spouses. I was not trying to be cruel, and I don't understand how they can be interpreted as such. As I've stated before, I understood the emotions involved before posting those emails and edited the emails to tell the story but not maliciously hurt anyone. I wish people understood the difference between what they think my motives were for posting the emails and what my motives actually were.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rebecca! Well said, and my sentiments exactly.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kat! You're so right. I will do my best to take your advice.
ReplyDeleteyour outfit and photos are beautiful as always! did you notice those little green leaves behind you? they look like little hearts.
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented before but I'm gonna give it a shot right now in the hopes that maybe, MAYBE you will see the other side. We GET what you think your motives for posting the emails were.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't you get that posting them on the internet might actually be painful for the other people involved? My ex left me for another woman and I have to tell you...if she had posted emails on the internet where I could clearly see the history of how and when he fell in love with her (while he was living with me) it would have killed me. I would have been unable to just look away. I would have tortured myself reading them over and over again.
As the child of a father who fell in love with someone else while married to my mother, it's the same thing. If his new girlfriend was posting a history of exactly when my family fell apart, I wouldn't have been to look away in that situation either.
What you are putting out there, regardless of what your motives or intentions were, is probably torturing the other people involved in this story.
I am LOVING the skirt, Bonnie. Is that a recent acquisition?
ReplyDeleteAs for the comments--let it roll off your back and keep on keeping on. Seriously. Take care of yourself. At the end of the day, a cruel comment on a blog is just that--a comment from someone who doesn't even know you, is making judgements about you based on what they think you're about, or has issues themselves. Know yourself and be confident; Take responsibility for what you put out there, stand on your convictions, and move forward.
I'm here for the fashion and skipping the drama...we're similar in build and size and I would love to know what size is the skirt you're wearing? Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to feel sympathy for you, Bonnie. It sucks to feel controlled, by a parent, then subsequently by a spouse. I'd be willing to wager that many, many, if not even MOST, women empathize with that, and it's something a lare chunk of us have struggled with on some level. I get that you were trying to share the development of an important event in your life. After that, you just lose me. I find it difficult to understand how you can honestly examine your heart and you conscience and truly say that you didn't foresee that what you posted last week could cause other people pain. I hope that you never experience the betrayal of infidelity. What you did last week was unbearably cruel to your ex, your boyfriend's ex, your kids (cause the internet and these posts are forever), and your boyfriend's kid.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, I have been a longtime reader and while I don't agree with everything you post, it is your blog so you do what you feel you have to. It seems that lately your blog has been causing you much more stress than happiness. Have you thought about taking some time off? Maybe just taking a blogging break may make you get a different perspective. These people on the Internet are not important. You have people in your life that are important and if you focused the time you give to this blog on them, your feelings of happiness would have to surpass these feelings of inadequacy. And taking a break would not mean that the haters win. Doing something for your own sanity and well-being means that you and your loved ones win. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Bonnie! I think the appearance stuff is totally uncalled for and completely not true, for what it is worth. I think the reason for the personal attacks like that are because of the posted emails about the affair. Women hate the mistress. That's just how it goes in the society we live in. And you were the mistress. I know it happens all the time but that doesn't make women hate the mistress less. I mean, how many people are honestly in the Angelina camp? Know what I mean? I think there was maybe a way to come out with all of this that would have been a little less detrimental to your blog image than posting all the sordid emails for the world, Jerry's ex-wife of 25 years and his son to see. You still would have gotten flack but maybe would have been seen as less of a pariah. You just come across as smug about it and unconcerned about the other parties involved that are obviously still hurting, which makes you look like a really nasty, bitchy mistress (which I am guessing you are not).
ReplyDeleteYou seem like a decent person, who is probably pretty nice in real life. We all make misguided decisions from time to time. Maybe this was one of them for you. It will blow over eventually. I think you just have to ignore that stuff out there. Maybe address some of the followers who are wondering what you were thinking (or not thinking) when you posted the emails. Or, just ignore them too and move on. They'll all stop talking about it eventually. As for the community you live in, you will have a tougher road to hoe with the whole "mistress" image thing because you live in a small town. That'll pass too though, eventually. There is always another scandal for people to move on to!
You don't have a man face. You are not fat. You don't have horrible hair. Remember that. You just did something that the majority of women in the society we live in really frown upon. That's why you are getting torn apart like this.
There is a difference between 'attacking' a person's actions vs a person. I don't really see the point to being vicious or the inability of communicating feelings without being cruel. You are a beautiful woman. I don't know you, but I don't think you are a 'bad' person. I think what you did was wrong and I think you have made some bad choices. I wouldn't be happy if I was a player in this scenario to have no input about my dirty laundry being aired for all to see. However, this is your life for you to live as you see fit. We all have free will. You will also live the consequences of your choices, no matter what you believe. And I don't mean that in a bad way, just stating a fact. We all make mistakes. It's how we handle those mistakes that defines who we are and our characters.
ReplyDeleteI'm wearing a size small.
ReplyDeleteWow that's really mean that people would attack your appearance! Its very childish and stupid. People have the balls to say things behind the screen of their computer that they would NEVER say in real life about someone they knew. What people really have a problem with is the affair and posting the emails....so why rip on things that are irrelevant such as weight or hair? Perhaps posting those emails wasn't the best idea b/c it was perceived as insensitive to the other people involved. But what's done is done...please don't spend time fretting over the rude comments. That's just how people lash out; they will pick on anything and the first thing they usually attack is looks. Save your sanity and stop reading the nasty websites.
ReplyDeleteHi Bonnie. I probably won't say anything much new from what's been said in the sea of comments the past few weeks. But thought I'd just say it anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your posts, I see a woman who is lost. Just as you say you are looking for your identity and growing your self-esteem by ignoring the commentators that protest your actions, you are also letting those things thrive on the perhaps well-intentioned but misguided advice of your fans. I personally always always regard the approval of people with heaps of caution. Maybe it's me being my analytical self, but I want to know why they are agreeing with me and rooting me on? Who are these people? How much do they have invested in the situation in question? Will they take part in any of the results of my actions? Do they even know all the details? Are they just making themselves feel better because perhaps they have done the same thing as you have and thus by disagreeing with your behavior they also disapprove of their own? Do they want to have someone in their boat to make them feel better about what they've done themselves in their own lives? Or are they just simply flatterers? There are some people who don't like to acknowledge any right behavior or wrong behavior; anything goes for them as long as they "find happiness."
These people can be very destructive. There's something called tough love, and if it's absent, then real love just can't be there. Whoever you truly love, you want them to be the best person they can be, even if that means pointing out a hard truth to face.
We don't know all the details; we can't know if you are leaving something out, if you ever exaggerate in your story, or whether there's a whole other side to it. But assuming all you said is the complete truth (which I'm not saying it is not), your parents deserting you is crushing, I know. My father would probably do the same thing. Those comments on GOMI and elsewhere are simply nauseating, and any hate towards you is not right. No human being should be subject to that. On the flip side however, no human being should have to have his wife cheat on or lie to him. I know you already know people feel this way, so I really do apologize for being redundant. No children should have to live through a divorce. No parent should have to watch their child's life seem to fall apart by their choice. But that is life. You are being wronged, and so are they. Such is life.
You keep telling yourself cliche lines about love being worth the greatest sacrifice. But you are fooling yourself. Love is worth the greatest sacrifice only when that sacrifice is the self. You sacrifice yourself; your life, your ego, your time, money, strength. You giving up someone else's well-being is not love. It's something quite the opposite.
I wish you the best, Bonnie. I really hope you find yourself, that you wake up one day and open your eyes to what life is about. Life is not about seeking and assuring your own well-being at the expense of others. Never never is it that. Please please, if anything, don't listen to the crap people like to say cloaked in therapy language, that you have to look out for yourself and do whatever you need to find joy in life. That is just a fancy and deceitful way of live the way you want no matter what the cost to others. Look out for yourself, yes. But do so responsibly, putting others first. You can do the two at the same time, contrary to what most people think.
And now I deeply deeply do apologize for this unbelievably long comment. I will leave with the strong recommendation to read a book called, "The Road Less Traveled" by Scott Peck, and a quote: "Everything that deceives may be said to enchant." --Plato
While I don't condone what was said on that blog, you do have to remember that you've very much clung to this logic of "my blog, my space".. by the same token, GOMI is "their blog, their space", which means they're allowed to say whatever they want on their space, as horrible as it may be. It's been brought up that posting the emails between you and Jerry could be very hurtful to his ex-wife, to which you responded that she should just not read your blog if she didn't want to get hurt. It's time for you to take your own advice. If you don't want to be hurt by what they're saying on their own blog, then you need to take the responsibility to not read that blog. Again, I don't think what they said was right and I'm not agreeing with them, but I think you need to not be hypocritical about the "this is my space and I can do whatever I want" mentality.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who's been helped by therapy, I would suggest maybe talking about your blogging, and your reading of GOMI with a professional. It doesn't seem like blogging is bringing anything productive into your life. It just makes me wonder--are you trying to punish yourself by reading the GOMI comments, because of your low self esteem? Have you thought about why you wanted to be "honest" by sharing the story of the break up of your marriage? Did you expect the negative feedback on your blog, as a reflection of what your family is already communicating to you?
ReplyDeleteI don't know you, and I don't really have an opinion on what's happened in your life. And even if I did have lots of positive things to say, only you can feel convince yourself of your own worth. As an outsider, it doesn't seem like blogging is helping you.
AMEN. I agree with ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING this reader has said, and put so intelligently.
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