Surveying the Damage

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Dress: Anthropologie Woody Nymph Dress

Shoes: Steve Madden

Necklace and Ring: The Limited

Anyone that's making anything new only breaks something else." - Dawes

It can be pretty overwhelming when I look around at all the damage in my life right now. My life is a mess. If my life was a place, it would appear to have sustained a Category 5 hurricane. The hurricane's name would be Bonnie. I'm responsible for all the damage in my life right now, but that's okay because there's a method behind my madness. Sometimes damage is a good thing. Sometimes we have to break some things in order to get out of our current situation and start fresh. Things may be a mess right now, but I'm confident in time that I will emerge from all this as a newer, better me.

I went to my first therapy session today. It was good. The therapist agrees with all the choices I've been making in my life lately. It was good to find out that I'm not crazy! LOL! She helped affirm what I was saying above about having to sustain some damage to become a better person. She helped me see that up to this point in my life, I had been making decisions in order to make everyone else happy but myself. She said I was starting to discover what I wanted out of life and starting to make decisions for myself. This is upsetting to the people in my life that are not used to me behaving this way, and they are reacting by lashing out. I'm finding out that it's impossible to make decisions for yourself and simultaneously take care of other people's feelings, but that's okay. This is my new mantra: "I don't have to feel gulity for not behaving as others might want me to or for not giving others what they expect from me." I will keep repeating this to myself until I believe it.

It's comforting to know that not all damage is permanent. The majority of the damage in my life right now can be repaired. I refuse to continue focusing on all the negativity and destruction. Instead, I'm choosing to focus my attention on the cleanup. I'm confident that once all the damaged has been cleared away, my life will be more beautiful than ever.

Dawes_05_When My Time Comes

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  1. Gorgeous photos Bonnie...I love that old sign - the placement in the photos is wonderful. I remember a mantra from a therapist: "What other people think of me is none of my business." I think that's fantastic advice. Glad to hear you sounding strong and positive, girl!

  2. A good therapist is going to make you take a good look at yourself and the things you are doing wrong and that need corrected, not just affirm that things you are doing are right. There is a lot involved in this situation that needs work, and there is a lot of fallout that may occur down the road for your kids as well. Hopefully this therapist will help you do the very hard work to make changes within yourself that are needed too, not just saying you're doing things right. A good therapist will make you look at the parts of yourself you don't want to and do the very hard work to change them.

  3. I'm a silent follower for the most part, but am motivated to speak up and say kudos for seeing the therapist. Sounds like you're putting together a recipe for a holistic life. Here's to a clean slate. So many of us would like to have that, but haven't the stomach for that path. I think that's where the judgement in some comments come in to play. It's that attitude of "If it's not an option for me it must be wrong."

    Anon: I find it odd that so many were saying Bonnie should see a therapist, and now that she's doing this, and the psychologist has validated her actions we feel a need to question them. Where does it end?

  4. I have a valid question, lol.

    What is it about Bonnie and her blog that turns people into judgemtal assholes? Maybe it's the fact that she is doing something that you wish you could do/never was able to do for yourself? Maybe you are angry at how your own life dissapoints you and you are resentful?

    Honestly! Let's stop all the judgemental crap ladies. Maybe we should all take a long look at our own lives before we open our mouths and unleash the resentful bullshit?

  5. You know, I'm a counselor and I could not agree with Anon more. Counseling is about taking a hard look at parts of yourself and doing hard work to change yourself. There's nothing wrong with that and it's necessary. What I see here is you looking for someone who will say you are right, not challenge you.

  6. Bonnie, have you thought about changing your blog set-up so comments have to be approved by you before they are posted here? I find it unfortunate that people who don't even know you feel entitled to comment publicly on your private life choices. I worry that you are leaving yourself vulnerable to unkind and immature people at a time when you already have enough to struggle with in your life.

  7. Tracy: Thanks! That's a good mantra. I will have to remember that one.

    Anon @ 3:03: My therapist did have me look at the areas in my life that need work. She said the decisions I have made in my life lately were steps in the right direction. She gave me a list of basic human rights. According to her, I have a problem with acting out on certain rights. I'm sure there is a long list of things I need to work on, but I guess she chose to start there for our first session.

    Vicarious Student: Thanks for breaking your silence and making a comment. I couldn't agree with you more.

    Anon at 8:27: I agree that all of us could stand to be less judgmental of others.

    Di: I didn't hand pick this therapist. She was randomly given to me. If fact, I thought I was going to be seeing a doctor so I could get some meds, but they had made me an appointment with a therapist instead. All I did was answer her questions. She told me these things of her own free will and then gave me worksheets that backed up what she was saying. She gave me things to work on, but she told me that the changes I had been making in my life lately were a step in the right direction.

    greatbleuheron: I approve all the comments that are posted. Thanks for your concern, but I don't like to filter comments unless they attack someone other than myself or could be offensive to others. I feel by putting myself out here, I need to be able the handle all the comments positive and negative.

  8. As a therapist I just had to comment on this one, in response to Di. Like hello? A person in distress comes to see you and you would start by pointing out all the things she needs to work on? Like there is nothing that this person has done right? In order to look at difficult aspects of ourselves, especially in the presence of the stranger, we first of all need to feel safe and respected and not criticized. This was one therapy session Bonnie is talking about here!
    Bonnie - good for you for getting help and for trying to live an "examined life".

  9. What's done is done, people. What she has to do now is move forward, work on making her new life work. We may not agree with the cheating and leaving her husband and kids but it happens all the time. For whatever reason, Bonnie felt that this was what she had to do. I can't imagine that having a therapist beat her down would be very therapeutic! Geesh!

    Good for you, Bonnie for going to see someone to talk through all of what you are dealing with now. Sounds like you are taking some positive steps to get things together!

  10. Go team Bonnie! The rest of you haters, just leave her alone.

    Now - about fashion which a positive and building thing in your life (I think - right?)... I LOVE this dress on you. I wanted to buy it but I left like it was a little too long on me. You are taller than I am and that confirms my thinking... it just needed to be a little shorter to be fantastic. Your sandals are super cute! I love the kind that cover the heel... my heels take a beating cuz I go barefoot at home. Oops... :) Anyway - you look lovely and congratulations on the positive steps you are bravely taking - things that are new and you are doing for the first time! Love and hugs! Cheers! xoxo


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