Grow Away

"To lose a skin, to just grow away." - The Tallest Man on Earth

I've been trying to type this post up for two days now without much luck. In fact, everything about this particular post has been a struggle. I've worn this dress three times since I bought it, but it's been so stinking hot, I didn't feel like braving the heat and getting pictures in it until now. When I thought about a location for this outfit I thought a wheat field would be nice, so Jerry and I drove around our neighborhood looking for one. An hour later, we finally found this one, but it was just the remnants of a wheat field. Some other crop had taken it's place (soybeans, I think), and the little bit of wheat that was left was being used as a cover crop.

Last night, I sat down in front of the computer to gather my thoughts for a post, but I wasn't having much success. I went out and sat on the front porch swing, and my little girl came out with me. While we were swinging she looked up at me with a big tear rolling down her face and said "I don't want to grow old and die." She caught me totally off guard, and my heart just ached for her. We had a good talk and then went inside for some family game night therapy. We played Old Maid, Go Fish, and then put a 100 piece puzzle together. By the time we were done with the puzzle, it was bedtime, so I put the laptop up and resigned myself to write another day.

Tonight, once again, I found myself staring at a blank screen, the cursor flashing and taunting me. I thought about the wheat and how the soybeans had taken its place. I thought about what my little girl had said the night before. I thought about the wheat again and its new role as protector. I looked up quotes with the word wheat in them for inspiration, and a quote from "The Catcher and the Rye" came up that really resonated with me.

“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.”


Each day, I see my children losing their innocence little by little, and I want so badly to protect them from the harsh reality of life, to keep them from going off that cliff. I can't protect them forever, though. One day, I will be gone, and they will take my place in this world. All I can do while I'm here is love them, support them, and prepare them for life the best way I know how. Just like this post, life can be a struggle sometimes, but I'm confident they'll find their way.

The Tallest Man on Earth - To Just Grow Away