Freeing Myself

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Booties: Anthropologie Buckled Paddock Booties - Size 8.5
Necklace: Anthropologie

"Weightless falls
           Honeysuckle
                   Strangers
                          Strange this
                                 Light from pages
                                        Paper thin thing..." - Massive Attack

Negativity is a powerful force. I'm disappointed in myself that I succumbed to it once again, but I'm determined to learn something from it. In an attempt to keep things real on my blog, I have allowed the negativity to seep in and take over. I want this to be a beautiful space where we can all express ourselves freely. I don't expect or want everyone to agree with me, but I can't allow people to be mean and nasty to me either. It's a balance that I'm still trying to find.

In the future, I'm going to do my best to delete the comments that I don't think deserve a forum here. Besides, the more I think about it, it will be way more empowering to hit the delete button than trying to defend myself against an angry mob. I think we will all enjoy and get more out of this blog.

We all go out into the world with hopes, dreams, and the best intentions, but the world has a way of bringing us down. Negativity creeps in, and we lose our focus. We feel trapped and hopeless. The thing we can't see is that the world is still the same one we went into when we had all that hope and positivity. The world hasn't changed. We have. We've allowed outside forces to change our attitude, clouding everything we see.

Tonight, I'm freeing myself from negativity. I'm not going to allow it to undermine what I originally set out to do when I started this blog. I will no longer feel trapped and hopeless. This world can be anything I want it to be, and I want it to be beautiful.

Massive Attack - Butterfly Caught


CONVERSATION

46 comments:

  1. Ugh, Bonnie, I can't even handle how pretty you look in these photos. The outfit is absolutely gorgeous and highlights your waist beautifully, and you look so serene. If you're interested in fashion history, check out the Aesthetic Dress movement in the late 1800s to early 1900s, some of your outfits remind me of the soft, romantic feel.

    So excited to hear that you'll be closing on the cottage soon!

    xo Julie

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  2. So happy to read this :) And you look beautiful. Great pics!

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  3. Haters need a forum. Its like high school where the bullies need a target. It gives them purpose. Deleting them will piss them off, so I say go for it! This space is yours.

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  4. I was thinking the same thing as Julie - "damn you Bonnie, too gorgeous!" :o) Really incredible outfit - I enjoy those little boots with it, too. May I be the first to say, BRAVO for deciding to use the delete button! :o)

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  5. This dress is gorgeous Bonnie! I love the belt too! It's a fantastic outfit, and very wearable (and I'm sure comfortable too).

    I think using the delete button is worthwhile too! Fair enough, leave a few "constructively critical" comments where you have a "good" response, and feel that it is advice you'd like to take on, but really, who wants to dwell on comments about stuffed sausages?!

    There's a fine line between comments which are "constructively critical" and those which are just plain critical! For a comment to be constructive, I think it needs to be something you CAN change. Comments on sizing of an item of clothing that you already own are useless! You can't go and change it now! Comments about accessorising it differently, or pairing it with other items you already own, are helpful (for the most part). Pick and choose carefully, and take from it what you will!

    Your blog doesn't have to be all sunshine and roses - as most people have said, they like that you "keep it real". Enjoy the comments which are positive and uplifting. Learn from those which offer suggestions and advice (in a "gentle" way), and try your best to ignore anything which is just plain nasty!

    Love this outfit though! Just love it!!

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  6. Beautiful outfit, beautiful scenery. Love the simplicity of this.

    Good riddance to the negative comments. You will find that having power over them IS freeing, indeed.

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  7. Amen, sister!

    And okay, I do like the maxi dress! Who knew? Is it sheer though? Did you have to wear a slip underneath it? I don't even own a slip! It looks uber comfortable.

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  8. Bonnie, you manage to look graceful, beautiful and comfy at the same time in this outfit. It's a winner! and yes, please delete the negative comments from the haters. Have a fantastic day! ;)

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  9. Meredithenglish1234February 26, 2012 at 9:38 AM

    There is only one reason why people insult other people. It is to make themselves feel better. I really wish these people would find a more constructive way to realease their endorphins and go find a hobby. Bonnie, I only know of you through this blog and I am impressed by how great you always look. I have yet to see you wear anything that is not flattering on you. I also don't understand the weight comments because you are in terrific shape. I am curious what your haters look like, in fact if they have a blog perhaps they would be willing to share so we can all (note the sarcasm) learn from them.

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  10. Beautiful beautiful outfit!!! One of my faves-the belt and accessories are perfection with the black maxi. My 2 cents regarding the "Bonnie bashers": I doubt in a "real life" scenario you'd give these people the time of day. Part of your metamorphosis this past year is becoming "you" and letting go of the negative energy and people around you. Move on, grow, edit, delete, and be happy.

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  11. photos are beautiful as always, the last photo especially. I really enjoy looking at your blog, Bonnie.

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  12. Hello, I've been reading your blog for a while, but this is my first time commenting. When I see negative comments directed at you, especially from other women who talk about how much they've suffered and how they never complain, and that they'd never be as selfish as you, etc, all I see is jealousy. Odds are, they're unhappy with their lives- maybe deep down they want to leave their husbands and live for themselves, too. They don't like seeing you be free and happy, because it reminds them of missed opportunities. Many women have been told since they were little how important it is to constantly sacrifice their own wants and dreams for others. Screw that! Talk to any hospice worker and they'll tell you that the number one regret faced by the dying is that they didn't seek out what they wanted in life. Don't let unhappy people drag you down because you don't fit their myth of the "Good Woman," because it's probably made them just as miserable as you were in your old life. Just my two cents.

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  13. What a gorgeous outfit! I wasn't a big fan of it when you posted your fitting room reviews, but it looks great "in the wild," so to speak. I think deleting the comments you find upsetting is a good choice. In my own experience, I haven't found much value in trying to defend myself to anonymous critics, bullies, or people just looking for drama. Instead, I just ignore all that silliness and save my energy for people who matter. I hope that your new approach works out for you :-)

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  14. Love that maxi dress Bonnie!! Was it the perfect length for you? I'm afraid it will be super duper long on me (I'm 5"3)

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  15. Bonnie, I agree with everyone else here on how pretty you look. I really like this outfit and yes I think you should do what you need to, to say good riddance to nasty people. You don't need to respond. Deleting is the right thing to do. Or simply ignoring is a good decision too. That way you are giving them no space in your head and not even an acknowledgment. I have been reading your blog for a while and never commented before but have always wondered why it was so important for these people to post such nasty comments and be downright cruel. This does not accomplish a thing in my opinion. I say ignore it and keep moving forward in a positive direction. Keep doing what you are doing and don't give them the time of day!

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  16. You look beautiful, Bonnie, the dress and setting for these photos are just gorgeous. As for the comments, if YOU feel the "constructive criticism" is insulting, then it is. Period. Hit delete. Life is too short to waste time on these people.

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  17. Bonnie: there's nothing wrong with deleting the hateful offensive posts. I am really surprised at the vitriol directed at someone the posters have never met. Unreal, but the Internet does let people cyber bully others. And those that do are cowards. If I found your blog so distasteful and hated that you separated from your husband because YOU weren't happy in that marriage, I would stop reading your blog. Just that simple

    And by the way, people cannot be stolen. You can't "steal" someone's spouse. They have a brain and can make decisions on their own. How come it's always the woman who supposedly "steals". Men don't "steal". Ridiculous.

    Bonnie I enjoy your blog and hope you keep the haters in perspective and exercise the discretion of a delete button.

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  18. ooo pretty dress! I wish I could pull off a maxi dress like you do!

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  19. Hi, Bonnie.

    Few days ago i just decided to stop follow your blog, with intention to come back when things will change a bit.
    I really enjoyed to step by from time to time, to look at your beautiful pictures, your outfits, and to admire your sense of style. It was interesting to read some of your posts, while other not, but that`s normal, we are not the same and our points of views may be different.
    But that was not the point that I decided to stop follow your blog. The reason was this negativity. I just couldn`t read it any more because of the comments after your posts. It is insane what is going on here. All that nasty comments, like all those people who know how to live BETTER! It is just creazy! And I think more of those people are hypocrites who want feel better about themselves.

    And the second reason was that I felt that you started to focus more on those hypocrites, probably answering them, and that`s why I felt that I have enough. I was feeling that more of your posts were made ​​to them than to your followers, who do not hate you but like you and like this little corner :)

    So I`m happy to hear that you are going to stop this negativity, and will stop by from time to time to see how things are changing.


    P.S Oh, and sorry for all mistakes, grammar etc.I am a foreigner from a distant country :)

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  20. Lovely dress, looks fantastic on you! How is the fabric? Reviews at Anthro say it's too sheer... how did you find it? Does it require a slip?

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  21. Well, thanks for finally commenting! It brightened up my whole day! I love what you have said here, and it's exactly why I made the changes I did in my life. It feels good to know other people see life the same way I do. Hope fo hear from you more often!

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  22. Yeah, Jerry's been trying to tell me this for months, but I'm stubborn and didn't want listen to reason. I just so afraid of turning into a blog with nothing but positive comments. However, I let the scale tip to far to the negative side. I hope deleting the down right insulting comments will create more of a balance.

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  23. "I have yet to see you wear anything that is not flattering on you." Meredith, I think I love you! LOL! I try not to wear anything that I think is not flattering on me, but I'm sure I've had some misses. However, I don't understand the weight comments. I'm a healthy weight for my height. I'm not underweight, nor am I overweight.

    I gotta laugh when I read a certain website and see them freaking out because a blogger is too skinny. It seems like in their world if you're underweight, you're too skinny, if you're average weight, you're too fat, and if you're overweight, you look just right.

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  24. Thanks, Anna. I totally agree with what you've said here about constructive criticism. It has to be something you can change, and it needs to be said in a nice way. Telling some one that they don't know how to dress themselves and have terrible taste is not constructive. It's offensive, because my personal style is not something I can change. Also, telling someone they look like a overstuffed sausage is not offering criticism in a nice way. It's just plain rude.

    Like I said, I'm still trying to find the right balance. In the future, if I find a comment offensive or rude, I'm just going to delete it and move on. It's not worth my time to try to defend myself against such hateful people.

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  25. Thanks, Julie! I'm glad I look serene, because I was anything but. I was so sick with a bad cold this day and it was almost 80 degrees outside. To top things off, we were trapsing through the woods, and I fell. Jerry picked me up, and I told him, "I can't believe I'm going through all this so people can just tell me I suck." LOL! So, I'm so happy to be getting some much needed positive feedback on this outfit.


    Thanks for telling me about the Aesthetic Dress movement. I'm gonna Google it.

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  26. Thanks! It's super sheer. Like, so sheer, I could see my underwear through it. Funny enough, the top half was okay. It was just the bottom half that was the problem..

    I wore a black bra and a maxi skirt from Old Navy underneath. I think I might invest in a slip in the future, because the layering a the skirt under the dress is going to be too hot for Summer.

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  27. Thanks for your comment, Monika. You're exactly right, and I love what you said about feeling that my posts were made more for the haters than the followers. I hadn't thought about it that way. I was just writing about what was on my mind, but the negativity I had received was on my mind, so in a way, I was writing to the haters instead of my followers. This givies me even more of a reason to start deleting the offensive comments.

    Thanks for helping me see things from a different perspecitve. I hope you will stop by more often in the future and maybe even be a follower once again!

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  28. Thanks! I think anybody can pull off a maxi dress. I know some people have a issue with the length, but that can be fixed with a simple tailoring job.

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  29. I, too, am surprised at how nasty some people can get, and I'm not surprised by much these days.

    I totally agree with you on the stealing of people thing. Everytime we hear something like that, Jerry and I joke around that he was just a "babe in the woods" when I came along and stole him away. LOL! The fact is we were both unhappy, found love in each other, and decided to be together. I don't understand why that is so hard to fathom for some people.

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  30. Thanks! I'm learning to embrace the delete button. So far, it's felt pretty damn good!

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  31. Thanks, Lisa. I'm going to do my best.

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  32. Thanks, Gina! Yes, it was the perfect length. I'm 5'6", so you will probably have to get it hemmed a little if you are planning on wearing flats with it.

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  33. Thanks! Yeah, I didn't think the cell phone fitting room pic did it justice. I was glad we had a warm day, so I could go ahead a wear it for a photo shoot to show it off in a better setting.

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  34. Thanks, Olya! The last photo is my favorite as well.

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  35. Thanks, Kristin! "Move on, grow, edit, delete, and be happy." I love this! I'm going to write it down and stick it on my computer monitor, so I can keep reminding myself.

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  36. Told ya so! Yes, it's sheer. I wore a black bra and a maxi skirt underneath it. I don't own a slip either. I think I'm going to invest in one for next time.

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  37. Thanks! Can't wait to have some delete button therapy!

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  38. Thanks, Tracy! The boots were Jerry's favorite part too.

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  39. Love the outfit! the belt is really cute - I had seen it but hadn't even considered trying it on. I may have to give it a go now! I really like the dress too! I've been thinking about getting it in the blue motif... It's so summery, not quite appropriate yet, but super cute too! The black one is a little less season specific and I Iove it with those boots!

    I also think today's post topic is SPOT ON! Delete, delete, delete! It blows my mind how mean people can be... although then I remind myself that some people just never grew up after high school. I have commended you in the past for having such an honest and open blog.... I absolutely don't think that keeping the negativity out of the blog is less honest. I mean, would you keep a friend around that treated you like that? hell no!

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  40. Great! Thanks for the tip! Yes, I'll probably get it hemmed then...since I plan on being lazy and wearing it with flip flops. :-)

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  41. Furtive FashionistaFebruary 27, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    Glad I could bring you some joy- your blog certainly brightens my day! I'm pretty new to the Anthro community, so I'm trying to speak up more. :)

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  42. Oh Bonnie you look beautiful!!!! That dress , that belt, the necklace, boots, its all done so well. Love your second picture. You are back!!! :)
    I did not like the outfit you wore in your last post. But you know what, there are bound to be some not so good outfits along with great outfits. Today's outfit is brilliant, last one not so much. But so what. I will not shoot you for that or call you stuffed sausage. Just because I did not like it does not mean you don't like it either. I will form my opinion and move on, not come here and say hateful things to you. There are days I wear things that make me think what the hell was I thinking putting these pieces together. If some of the things that were said here were directed towards me, I would have probably come up with a few more FU's :) :) :).
    You go girl. if you have to say a FU to feel better after a rough day, so be it. I like to say a FU myself (of course to an empty room) when no other word can describe how I am feeling. :)

    I like the comments in this post, all positive or atleast constructive. No haters allowed. I am laughing out loud thinking how frustrated these haters must be feeling not able to see their comments being posted. You have squashed them! They have no voice anymore.

    Keep your OOTD pics coming. Love your outfits, pieces, locations and poses. And those grammar mistakes or typos, keep those coming too, (only small minded people would want to bring those to attention). Here's to trying not to be perfect but just being.

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  43. Good for you! I'm so glad you're taking time to step away from the negativity. I have read many of the comments that people have made and don't seem to have a place. Just because someone doesn't agree with your outfit, lifestyle, what have you doesn't mean you should be bullied! Thank you for standing up for yourself and providing a great role model for your children!

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  44. YES! to using the delete button. I had my first taste, albeit very small compared to yours, of "haters gonna hate" when I submitted a picture to EA and received a nasty comment. As I read the comment, I thought to myself, "What a sad life that person must have to be so rude and hateful to someone they don't even know." And then I moved on with my lovely life. So glad you'll be doing that, too. (:

    Love your blog and your ability to style outfits. Looking forward to all kinds of fabulous STF posts in 2012!

    xo, D.

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