Dress: Anthropologie Embossed Basket Dress - Size Medium
Undershirt: Anthropologie Finessed Turtleneck - Size Small
Tights: Hue Diamond Grid Tights - Size 2
Boots: Blowfish Blyth Booties - Size 8.5
Necklace: Anthropologie
"Through every morning, through the fields of sleep, I'm always found in a corner, but I'm holding on." - Delay Trees
I've had some really bad dreams lately. So far, I've overslept everyday this week because it's so damn hard to wake up out of these life-like dreams. Once I do wake up, I feel like I have a really bad hangover. Now, these dreams haven't been your typical nightmares such as big hairy spiders on the prowl or hundreds of snakes as far as the eye can see. No, the subject matter of these dreams is pretty tame, but my emotions in the dreams are anything but.
In yesterday's dream, I remember driving through a muddy field with my mom. She told me to put the truck in four-wheel drive and hit the gas. I was fine at first, but then my foot started slipping off the gas pedal and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't reach it again. We were going nowhere. My mom got really angry and told me to get out of the way so she could drive. Then, she proceeded to drive us through the field with no problems at all. In today's dream, I was dreaming about oversleeping and being really late for work. Once I arrived at work, I was so behind on all my deadlines that it seemed like I would never catch up. I remember feeling overwhelming anxiety over this. Imagine my delight, when I awoke and discovered that I actually had overslept and was really late for work.
I'm no dream expert, but the common theme here seems to be inadequacy. I'm sure it comes as no shock to anyone that I have a tendency toward self-loathing. I think this is why I have such a hard time with negativity. I brush off any positive comments and only focus on the negative ones. Probably because they reinforce the feelings I have about myself. Take these pictures for instance. As we were editing them, Jerry was telling me how beautiful I looked in them, but all I could say is, "I look fat and my hair looks awful." Another reason I'm stuggling might be because I haven't purchased any new clothing in over a month now. (I know, first world problem.) It's so easy to just buy the latest thing and wear that without having to think about it. I'm really having to pull out those creative juices lately and come up with new combinations with the items I already own. I'm proud of myself for my fiscal responsibility, but I'm also struggling without that saftey net of new items to fall back on.
I guess the important thing in all this is that I recognize my issues, and I'm willing to put forth the effort to better myself as a person. Most people struggle to make their dreams a reality. In this case, I will strive to change my reality in hopes that it will better my dreams.
Posts
Okay, this is a totally cute outfit. It's very flattering on your figure and I love how you paired it with the l/s gray shirt underneath. Ugh, now you're making ME want to go BUY this damn dress!!!! Keep up the great work, Bonnie!
ReplyDeleteYou look great here.
ReplyDeleteNot many people have the budgets for clothes like most of the Anthro bloggers you may be comparing yourself to. Seriously, most women shop at Old Navy, H & M, Forever 21, or the Gap or somewhere similar. I haven't bought much clothing in the last four months and I do get bored with my wardrobe at times.
My favourite clothing combinations I have seen you wear are jeans and a simple sweater or top in darker colours with your Fryes. I can relate to that kind of outfit much better than a dress or skirt and tights. I haven't worn a dress, with the exception of sundresses, in years. I still get appreciative glances/comments from both men and women because I feel confident in whatever I wear, from holey jeans and a plain t-shirt to high heeled boots and a cropped blazer. It doesn't matter what you wear, it is how you feel about yourself that is noticeable to others.
I think that the image certain people on Anthro blogs present to the world, where they show off brand new Anthro pieces each and every week is totally unrealistic to 99 percent of women.
There are more important aspects of life than a new piece of clothing. I would rather experience something new, or go for a nice dinner, than spend 229 dollars on a patterned dress/shirt/cardigan(every week).
Most people struggle with a sense of inadequacy...and the ones who dish out the most criticism usually struggle with it the most. They have a great talent for making other people take on their feelings. The way people treat you is not information about yourself; it's information about them. You are so not alone on this! "To myself I surrender, to the one I'll never please." - "All or None" - Pearl Jam
ReplyDeleteI love your styling ideas and your pictures are beautiful, and your musical taste rocks :)
I see these dreams more as "loss of control" dreams. Things seem to be slipping out of your grasp/reach like the part where you can't seem to get your foot on the gas and when you do it slips and then the part where you're late and you can't do damage control to catch up and you feel major anxiety.
ReplyDeleteI have had these kind of dreams too, especially during a change in my life. I think weird dreams are a way for our brains to work out the stress of everyday life. When I go through a major change (moving/new job/etc.) I have this reocurring dream that my teeth are falling out and I can't seem to stuff them back in my mouth, lol. There's nothing wrong with you - you'll be ok. Drink some minty tea before bed :)
Hi Bonnie! I just wanted to say I think you're amazing! I initially found your blog through GOMI...and to be honest with you, after reading through all their criticisms of you, I kind of thought you were a little bit of a weirdo at first too. But after reading through your posts I've become a real fan, and have found myself relating to you so much. Maybe I'm crazy too? Either way, I appreciate your honesty and think it's sad that women can be so mean to you, when I'm sure they've also had problems with self confidence, moments of irresponsibility, and feeling out of place in life.
ReplyDeleteAnyway...I am just rambling at this point! Basically, I think you're a beautiful person and I hope that in time you (and I!) can overcome these feelings of inadequacy, because you don't deserve the mental beatings you're giving yourself.
Also, you look beautiful in green :)
This outfit is really interesting and funky, Bonnie. And you look great in it. Jerry is right!
ReplyDeleteHi Bonnie! Sounds like life is a little stressful and frustrating for you right now! I find I dream more when I am stressed, and those dreams are often very vivid, as yours have been! I think I love geen as much as you do! That dress is gorgeous!!
ReplyDeleteI freaking love this dress on you!!! You're doing great, Bonnie...honest.
ReplyDeleteThe real reason Anthro bloggers byt so many clothes is because they buy those damn frills but hate washing and ironing!! LOL
ReplyDeletePJ fan? They r my all time fave band of all time
ReplyDeletei met eddie in '07 it was the best night of my life
Love this outfit, Bonnie! Great job on clamping down on the old budget. Was this a New Year's resolution come early or something? I know it is hard. You've got a lot of really great pieces in your closet though. I love that you are remixing! This combination looks amazing on you.
ReplyDeleteHello! I've been reading your blog for some time and have been consistently "wow"ed by how well you style your clothes and overall look, and how gorgeous the photography is. So it was high time I de-lurked.
ReplyDeleteThese photos could also easily be put in a travel guide to convince Northrons like me (shivering and freezing in the rainy-grey winter) to relocate to someplace as lovely as a small town in North Carolina!
I think your dream is very symbolic of how your family, and particularly your mother, has been operating with a kind of moral certainty that's not proven by anything, and certainly not their own lives (hello- aren't your parents also divorced themselves??) The thing about people who are rigid, controlling, and pushy is well encapsulated by this quote, "Often wrong but never in doubt."
Their *certainty* that they are right, can be very powerful, they are like a gravitational force....but don't let them pull you into their orbit, Bonnie! Don't let them shake your confidence. You have your own light, and don't need to revolve around them. (Sorry for the geeky astronomy references, but I love watching the stars and thinking about solar systems and such!)
Anyways, keep on blogging, and keep on trucking! :-)
Hi Bonnie! I've only written you a couple times, but enjoy your blog. You look great here!
ReplyDeleteyou're not alone, I have whacked realistic dreams when I'm stressed. I commend you on taking financial control over your wardrobe. Buying doesn't solve the bigger problem and its great you recognize that now. I don't know if you're familiar with a site called polyvore? It might help you become more creative with your wardrobe. I love it! There are a couple of anthropologie groups that you can join and clip your clothing items. Its fun - like paper dolls for grown women :-)
Bonnie lonnnnggg time lurker. I totally enjoy your blog no matter what your talking about. In regards to shopping habits I would say i'm right there with you. I lost my brother back in March 2010 and went in a tailspin and used shopping as a coping mechanism. In recent months i've realized how unhealthy that has become I have been purging my closet non-stop and even though i'm embarrassed by how much I have. You need to have pieces you love, can wear multiple ways, and that you just feel awesome in shitty day or not. Granted we cannot stop shopping all together what I intend to do month by month is make a powerpoint of each slide put a picture of what I bought and how much I spent on an item. I've done it with January and already feel better and it's keeping me in check. Also let some clothes linger with the tags on them to see if they indeed a must have. I'm 100% sure you have the most amazing wardrobe don't let not having the latest and greatest get you do. Maybe start reading more (which I know you've mentioned) or going on walks with Jerry to get your mind off of things I know with my s.o. it has helped. Hope my rambling helps and as always you look fab!
ReplyDeleteHUGE fan. I've met him 3 times now...I'm pretty convinced he's stalking me ;) Their music changed my whole life.
ReplyDeleteHey Judith! As you GOMIers like to say, welcome to the dark side! Bahaha! Thanks for giving me a chance despite the things you read about me. Yes, I'm pretty crazy but aren't we all? I'm glad you've found some things on here you can relate to. I hope I can continue to keep you interested in the future.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I was worried about putting a top underneath this dress, but I wanted to try something different from my usual cardigan.
ReplyDeleteWow! I'd admire your ability to go so long without buying something new. My favorite outfits are the ones with jeans as well, but I'm only allowed to wear those to work on Friday's. I prefer dresses for work because I sit all day and dresses are more comfortable. You should branch out and wear a dress every once in awhile. I used to not wear them much either, but nothing is more comfortable to me now than dresses with boots and knee socks. I totally agree with you that attitude is more important than what you wear. It just doesn't come easy to a insecure person like myself. I'm working on it, though.
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks for delurking, and thanks for sharing your shopping issues! I really like your suggestions on being a more responsible shopper! Yes, I need to read more. I've been trying to finish one particular book now for a year. Walks would be good too. Maybe they would help me lose some of this holiday weight. Of course, I still want to get my shop on from time to time. I've got a trip planned this weekend, but I'm going to take your advice and only get something if I absolutely love it and can see it being a versatile piece in my closet.
ReplyDeleteHi Erica! Glad you enjoy the blog! I've done polyvore a few times. It is really fun! Great suggestion! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIm so glad you delurked, Susan! I love what you've said here, and I'm a astronomy geek wannabe, so I appreciate you analogy!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Honestly, Catherine, I haven't had the extra money to shop lately with Christmas and all, but I'm glad because it's felt good not to shop so much for a change. I'm glad you are enjoying the remixes!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aili!
ReplyDeleteHi Anna! Yeah, life has been pretty stressful for the last year. Dreams are definitely weird things. Oh, I don't think it's possible to love green as much as me! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYeah, Katie, I can see that interpretation too. Minty tea, huh? Alrighty then!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with you here. It does seem those who are most insecure dish out the most criticism. Well, with the exception of me, of course. LOL! Love that Pearl Jam quote! I was obsessed with them when I was a teenager!
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks! You should totally get it! It is a great dress! Ok, done enabling now.
ReplyDeleteWOW_ how/where did u meet him? I need to know!
ReplyDeleteWhat did u think of PJ20?
Erica! I love Polyvore, too, but find it too enabling-- instead of wanting to buy just a certain dress or sweater, some of the clothing "sets" there are so great, it makes me want to buy the whole kit n' caboodle, which is far worse on my budget than just 1 dress. So, of course, YMMV, but that's my own personal experience with Polyvore (and why I avoid it!)
ReplyDeleteI met him after both of his solo shows in 2009 and again in 2011. How about you? Did you go to PJ20 weekend? It was a blast! And LOVE the movie. It took me back!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this outfit. Green really suits you. I love the tights and the dress... I covet the dress, actually. I was on a spending freeze when I could get my hands on one.... dang it! :) Love the blog today... you are gorgeous and you need to change that self-talk, girlie. I am glad your BF tells you the truth. Sherry xoxo
ReplyDeleteThe top under the dress is genius! Good choice! xoxo
ReplyDeleteAnna - that is hilarious... I think you are right... I am one of those.... shhhh - don't tell my hubby! LOL!
ReplyDeleteOr do a shot of NyQuil? NyQuil induced dreams are always interesting!
ReplyDeleteI met him in SF after a show @bill graham ... the whole show , setting , everythign was amazing. I had to wait until 2 or 3 in the morning and then drive 2+ hours home and work the next day!. everyone else was sleeping in the car, but i waited in the freezing cold for hours!!!
ReplyDeleteI would have LOVED to go the weekend/festival but it just didn't happen for me, being in Cali and all. I was prettty bummed. If they ever do anything again like that closer to me I WILL BE THERE!!!!!!!!!! Loved the movie too.... they're in the studio now so hopefully there will be another tour soon! Take care!
PJ FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!