Keep Calm and Carry On

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Dress: Anthropologie Fractal Medallions Maxi- Size S
Boots: Anthropologie Buckled Paddock Boots - Size 8.5
Ring: Old Navy

"Under my skin is the fire of rage and anger...As strong as you might be, you will burn in your fire." - Tinariwen (English Translation)

It's been a few days since I last posted. My old friend anxiety has decided to pay me another visit the past few days, so blogging has been the last thing on my mind. Just getting through each day has been a challenge. I've already missed a day and a half of work so far this week. Last night was especially rough.  It's still amazing to me all the different symptoms anxiety can cause at one time. My back, stomach and bladder hurt. I felt nauseous. My body was shaking uncontrollably. My skin felt like it was on fire. As I lay awake in agony, I found myself getting very angry and frustrated.

I woke up this morning determined to have a better attitude. Getting angry with anxiety only fuels it's fire. I'm doing my best to let all the horrible pains and sensations wash over me as they come. I know if I'm patient they will pass given time. However, it's not easy to be patient when you're in pain. I'm struggling with it as I type this, but I know it's better to get up and do things rather than lie around feeling sorry for myself.

One of the things I've been doing to help me relax is meditation. I've been listening to this band Jerry's brother told me about named Tinariwen. Their music is very calming and just what I need right now. This particular song is my favorite and when I looked up the translated lyrics I was surprised to see that it speaks about not giving into your anger.

The big buzz around town is the Duke/Carolina basketball game tonight. I can say with certainty that I will not be stressing myself out by watching. I've got a date with my bed, my blanket, a heating pad, and some Tinariwen. I hope to be back tomorrow with a more cheerful post.

03 - Tinariwen - Chatma

CONVERSATION

20 comments:

  1. Thanks for recommending this music! I just downloaded Chatma.

    I hope tomorrow is brighter for you, Bonnie. Anxiety is horrid. You are strong. Amen.

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  2. I'm so glad that you wore this dress today...it looks great on you. I have it in red and I plan to wear it on Friday for a dinner. I was having a tough time figuring out what kind of shoes I should wear. Sorry you had a bad day. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. Stay positive!

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  3. Sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. For me, a glass of red wine, a warm bath and a chick flick really help distract and relax me when I am stressed or a little depressed. Long walks help too.... Here's me sending my best wishes that tomorrow is a great day!

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  4. I also have anxiety issues and I picked up a book about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy which was recommended by my therapist. I think it would be worth it for you to browse the subjects and books from a public library. Some things didn't apply to me but a lot did. I'm able to take a deep breath and analyze things better as opposed to respond immediately to my anxiety and fear issues!

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  5. jennifoundinmyclosetFebruary 9, 2012 at 12:19 AM

    You look so cute in this dress! I have it too...it's the perfect thing to wear when you feel like wearing pajamas but want to look cute and made up all at once...total trickery! Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

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  6. Serious question, have you tried an anti-depressant? Because you sound depressed in your blog posts, and while these are only snippets of your life, and only you can judge this, it could be that you are suffering from depression and resultant anxiety. Depression can definitely manifest through anxiety, and honestly, an AD can make a huge difference. It is definitely worth looking into.

    I have this dress, too. I wear mine with Chloe silverado booties from a few years ago that I'm still wearing into the ground and a Knitted and Knotted card belted over the top. The dress gets a lot of hate, but I really like it.

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  7. What a great photo! Love the second one! Hang in there..things always get better!

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  8. You look absolutely stunning in that dress Bonnie! There are days when I'm anxious too. It feels like I have a huge knot in my stomach, no appetite, my back hurts, and my cheeks feel like they are on fire for some reason. I go running or do pilates, even if I feel horrible. I find physical activity helps me to get over it faster.

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  9. Hi Bonnie - you look amazing in this dress! I really didn't like it in the catalogue, but seeing it on you the first time makes me swoon for it! You are gorgeous - inside and out! xoxo

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  10. Yes, I've been on Prozac for the past 3 years. I'm up to 60 mg at this point. I can say with certainty that I couldn't function without it. However, I still have days of slight depression, but it's nothing like it has been before. Before I got on anti-depressants, I was so depressed that I felt like I had the flu and cried uncontrollably. I'm worlds better than that today. I've also had debilitating anxiety, like I literally walked around in a heightened state of anxiety for 2 months until my Prozac kicked in. It was the worst time of my life. I had to take a whole month off work. I'm so much better now, but I still have bad days. The important thing is I have more good days than bad. I don't think we can ask much more from life than that.

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  11. Thanks, KatiJ! Great suggestions! I've been telling Jerry we need to start going for walks. Now, if I can just get off my lazy ass and do it!

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  12. Aw thanks, Sherry! I loved this dress from the first time I saw it, but I know a lot of people don't care for it. I'm glad I was able to persuade you to come over to the other side!

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  13. Thanks! You're right physical activity is great for anxiety and depression. It's just so hard to listen to the voice of reason when you are in the throws of a panic attack. Oh, and the fire feeling, that is the worst! I get it over my whole body. It's horrible! I'm definitely better at getting through an attack than I used to be, but there is still room for improvement. Next time I get one, I'm going to get up and start running! Pelple will probably think I'm crazy, but guess what? I am! LOL!

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  14. Hi Jenni! It's so good to hear from you! I saw you rocking your dress last week! It inspired me to pull mine back out again. And, you're right, it's a great "instant outfit."

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  15. Thanks for the suggestion, Nadja! I've already read several books on depression and anxiety, but perhaps it's time I read some more. "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes saved my life when I was first diagnosed 3 years ago.

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  16. Glad I could be of assistance! I really like booties with this dress. I think it will also look great with sandals in the the Spring. I hope you have a great time at your dinner!

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  17. Yay! I love it when I introduce people to new music! Enjoy!

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  18. I hear you, believe me. Hope you find a way through it.

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  19. Gorgeous dress and stunning pics, as per usual! Hang in there, lady. Maybe talk to your doctor about switching to something else if the Prozac is not working. This sounds pretty serious, these sleep issues and the physical ramifications. I am so sorry you are going through this. :( I hope it will get better soon for you.

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