Dress: Anthropologie Ajisai Dress - Size 6
Sweater: The Limited - Size M
Belt: Anthropologie Looping Lanes Belt - Size M
Boots: Frye Paige Tall Riding Boots - Size 8.5
Earrings: Tree and Kimble
"But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough...Now you're just somebody that I used to know." - Gotye
I passed my dad on the road on the way into work. I threw up my hand to wave, but then I thought, "Oh yeah, he doesn't speak to me anymore." I put my hand down and found myself feeling very rejected. I watched his tail lights in my rear view mirror until they faded into the horizon. It's so weird to have grown up with someone as your authority figure, spent so much time with them, and now have them treat you like a stranger. Not only is it weird, it's sad.
I'm a farmer's daughter who grew up very much a tomboy. My dad is your typical southern redneck. He is an excellent hunter, and when I was little I loved to tag along with him. We became very close during my "tween" years going to field trials, hunting club meetings, and dog shows. We also bonded on Sunday nights over cheesy USA channel movies of the SciFi variety. He loved listening to me play the piano and, much to my chagrin, made me play for anyone who happened to drop by for a visit. When I moved out for college, he was devastated. He and my mom were on the cusp of a separation, and I think my leaving during such a turbulent time was really hard on him. I did my best to visit him on the weekends to cheer him up a bit.
As the years rolled on, we became distant. His divorce from my mom seemed to harden his heart, and I found it very difficult to talk to him. He was often under the influence of alcohol and spoke to me in a really crass manner. I guess it didn't help any that I had grown into a very different person from that shy tomboy, and we no longer shared the same interests or world views. I would often ask for his help as people are prone to do when they are first starting out in the world. I swear he kept a notebook of all the things he had ever done for me, because he didn't hestitate to throw them in my face any chance he got. His love came with strings attached, and this became really evident when I moved into one of his houses. There was one incident in particular that really got to me. A young boy had driven into the retaining wall at the end of our driveway. We filed a claim with the boy's insurance and had a man come out and give us an estimate of the damage. We then turned the estimate into the insurance company and scheduled an appointment to have the wall repaired. Since the property was in my dad's name, the insurance company wrote the check to him. I called my dad and asked him if he had gotten the check. He said yes, so I asked him if he could bring it by so we could pay for the repairs. He told me to be "patient." I was so angry at him. We had done all the leg work to get that money, and he just took it for himself. It's not like he needed it. The damage to the wall was major, and it made our whole yard look bad. In the 4 years I lived there, I never saw that money. I eventually had my ex-husband tear it completely down with a sledgehammer. At least it looked a little more presentable that way. I could tell you stories similar to this for days, but the point is he wasn't a very nice person.
When he found out about my intentions to separate from my husband, he went bat shit. He stormed into my (his) house and cussed me out. He told me it was the women's responsibility to keep the family together no matter the circumstances. I told him that was awfully convenient for men. He said, "that's just the way it is." I did my best to explain my position to him, but he wasn't having it, so he kicked me out of his house, and here we are almost 10 months later strangers to each other. Everyone else in my life has come around, but he's still holding out. I called him up last month and invited him over for Christmas dinner. He said, "Thank you for calling" and hung up.
It's a sad situation, but in some ways it's been a good thing. I didn't like the person he'd become and didn't need his negative influence in my life. I love that I'm independent now and have broken those strings that had held me in his debt so long. Maybe one day he'll come around, and we can have some semblence of a relationship. I would hate it if one of us died before we resolved our issues with each other. So, I'll keep trying to contact him every once in awhile in hopes that one day we can reconnect with each other and that he'll no longer be somebody that I used to know.
Gotye feat. kimbra- Somebody That I Used To Know