"And I fall on my knees tell me how's the way to be
Tell me how's the way to go
Tell me all that I should know.
And I fall on my knees
Tell me how's the way to go
Tell me how's the way to be to evoke some empathy.
Danger will follow me now everywhere I go
Angels will call on me and take me to my home
Well this time I just want to be at home.
And I fall on my knees tell me how's the way to go
Tell me how's the way to see
Show me all that I could be.
And I fall on my knees tell me how's the way to be, yeah
Tell me how's the way to go
Tell me why I feel so low.
Angels will follow me now everywhere I go
Angels will call on me and take me to my home
Well these tired eyes
Just want to remain closed
I don't see clearly can't feel nothing no
Can't you hear me?"
- Lissie
There have been quite a few harsh comments lately based on the assumption that I have abandoned my kids to go seek out my happiness. I had hoped not to share the details of my separation on here, but I feel that I need to share a few of the details to defend myself and set the record straight. I have not abandoned my kids. Nothing could be further from the truth. In order to minimize the impact of the separation on the kids, my husband and I have agreed that the kids will stay in the house all the time. We have agreed on joint custody, so we alternate weeks staying with them in the house. When it's not my week, I stay in my apartment. In addition, my husband and I do homework with my boys each night. So, when it's not my week, I still see my kids for a little while each night when I go over to do homework. I pay my share of the bills around the house and the kid's expenses. After a few months of this, the kids will come and stay at my apartment with me during my week. This is not a nasty separation. My husband and I are amiable with each other. It's funny that my husband has been nicer to me than alot of the complete stangers that commented on my blog. Anyway, that's the situation.
Today was the start of my week at the house with the kids which is ironic considering it's Mother's Day. It's been a really great day. They each gave me their little handmade gifts they made for me at school. My oldest son's gift made me cry. I've attached a picture of it below. It was a box full of his hugs. I can't think of anything I need more right now.
Today's song is "Everywhere I Go" by Lissie. I'm kinda obsessed with Lissie right now. This song really speaks to me at this time in my life. My life is all about balance right now, and I'm trying to do my best in a bad but unavoidable situation. It's unavoidable because I refuse to stay in a marriage I'm not happy in. I tried for 10 years, so I feel I gave it a good effort. This song is for all the cynics out there telling me who I should be and which way I should go. Ultimately, for me, it comes down to those 3 little angels calling me home. I'll do what's best for them while still staying true to myself. No matter where I am they are with me everywhere I go.
Lissie - Everywhere I Go
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what an interesting way of having joint custody. sounds pretty smart!
ReplyDeleteand what a lovely song!
Good for you, Bonnie--don't let the haters get you down. Happy Mothers' Day!
ReplyDeleteHope you had a great mother's day. And I love that little box full of hugs - what a clever idea!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a great Mother's Day. You don't have to justify anything to anyone here... However, I do appreciate your honesty about what you are going through at this time.
ReplyDeleteYou and your children are just precious, Bonnie! I'm sorry you've had to deal with nasty comments regarding your children - those must be the most hurtful to read, and I'm sorry that people resort to even writing them. Your arrangement with the kids sounds like a great way to handle the new situation, and thank you for sharing those details with us! Have a Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteI think you're so brave and strong for sharing yourself here on this blog. No one who isn't walking in your shoes should pass judgement. It amazes me how cruel people can be online. Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I can't believe people are acting as if they know your whole situation from blog posts. Wait, actually, I can, because I've been dealing with a similar issue on my private blog. I hope you never feel obligated to share personal information just to placate these people because in my experience, nothing will satisfy them. If they want to be mean, they will find a way to do it. Regardless, I hope sharing some of your separation story helped you cope and find peace. It sounds like you're approaching this with a very level head, and I think you should feel good about how you've handled things so far.
ReplyDeleteYour haters don't matter. Just remember, "All they're ever gonna be is mean." (I'm trying to remember it too.)
Please don't let other people's comments let you down. It's your personal life after all, so you get to choose what you'd like to do. Both my husband and I suffered from depression after having kid. I always thought of leaving or getting away. That's the first sign of depression (trying to run away). Right now, we are meeting with our marriage counselor, once each week. This has helped us. We also gain more focus in different ways. Hope my story will help you somehow. It's a lot of work that's still in progress! Beautiful kids and outfit!
ReplyDeleteI think its very shallow of others to make hateful comments or judge you. I have been following your blog for quite awhile. You seem like you are a very good mom, a very caring person, and a very real person. And I cant leave out that you are absolutely gorgeous!!! :)
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine recently divorced his wife. They also decided to keep the kids in their home, and that they (my friend and his wife) would take turns living in the home with their kids. I thought it was really a fantastic idea because I think it gives the kids more of a sense of stability and a place that they can call home. My friend and his wife have also tried hard to keep the peace for the sake of the kids. I think it's a great plan that you're doing the same sort of set up.
ReplyDeleteSuch a cute photo! You make a lovely family! You are a brave and strong woman; you have to do what is right for you-and your children. Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother Day, Bonnie! This is my first this year :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great gift from your son! Did he composed the text by himself? Anyhow, it is a wonderful idea!
Concerning what you've been through recently, you are the best placed to know what's good for you, and I find you very courageous for taking this decision. Children are happier when they feel their parents are happy, together or not.
:)
Happy Mother's Day! I rarely comment on your blog even though I have been following for awhile now but feel the need to now. I may no personally agree with everything you are doing, but I think you are very brave to put it all out there even though some of what you have said seems very difficult to share in a public place and you have received a lot of backlash. Glad you are finding happiness and it sounds like you are doing your best to keep your kid's lives as normal as possible during this time, I wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteHaving the kids in the home with you switching out may work for a while, but when their dad finds someone special and wants her to live with him and the kids full- time, I'm doubting that you staying at the house will continue. Then the kids will get shuffled around a liot. Sad.
ReplyDelete"It's funny that my husband has been nicer to me than alot of the complete stangers that commented on my blog" Wish I had met a gentleman like that out of college. I would have never set eyes on another woman or man to leave such a husband of mine. Nice that you were able to find another woman/man in your small town after years of unhappy marriage.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, wonderful picture. Happy Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you Bonnie. It's definitely a very delicate and complicated situation that no one can truly understand except your family of 5. Big hugs and hope that you are in a good place.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a little effed up that people are being judgmental about a situation they really know NOTHING about. Your life is YOUR life and to chastise someone on their BLOG is lame and very Mean Girl. Bonnie, keep being yourself and I personally love how open you are. Happy Mother's Day, pretty momma!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about your situation the other day.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of in a similar situation. I'm engaged to someone and met another man. My fiance is so super sweet and suportive but there was something about this other man that made me so happy...he was exciting and artistic, a graphic designer - everything I wanted to be. Well, last week my fiance found out about the other guy and he said "I love you but if he makes you happy, I'm not going to keep you..." It made me realize that I really love my fiance. Despite everything, even his own happiness, he really loves me and wants me to be happy. What is wrong with me that I was ready to walk away from that? That I still look for something else?
It got me thinking. What was it about this other man that drew me away from that kind of love? Was it really that I was unhappy with my relationship or was I unhappy with something else, something deeper. Maybe with how my life turned out, my career, what I thought I would be. Let me tell you, I never thought I'd end up working corporate, taking the train into work everyday. I thought I'd be an artist...
Anyway, I'm reading a book now called "Blunder: Why Smart People Make Bad Decisions" It talks about flawed thinking and how we make bad decisions based on our thinking patterns. (And I'm not saying your thinking is flawed or you are making a bad decision) But, the book asks you to really dig deep and find the real causes for your feelings and the decisions you make based on those feelings. I think you might want to check it out. It really helped me assess.
Well, goodluck! If you ever want to chat, look me up on FB - Katie Kisluk
Norwalk.digication.com/KatieKisluk