"It would take a calculated blow to the head to light the eyes of all the harmless sociopaths." - Andrew Bird
It was an absolutely beatiful day! It was sunny and in the 60's. A taste of spring, if you will. Too bad, I spent most of it indoors. I had the weekly house work to do, but I did get out for a little while before sunset to take some pictures.
I've been thinking alot today about apologies and if they mean anything anymore. I hate controversy, so it's weird that I've been involved in so much of it lately. I had another tift on Facebook this week. Maybe it's me, I don't know. What I do know is that in all said controversaries, I have maybe said something I shouldn't have, but then I get personally attacked for it, and what I get called is way worse than what I originally said. I've been called stupid, a narcissist, a martyr, a bad person, etc. I apologize for my mistake, but I never receive an apology back. I was always taught to admit my mistakes and apologize for them. Heck, sometimes I even apologize when I don't really think I've made a mistake. The way I look at it, how can anyone find fault in an apology? Someone recently challenge me on this thinking. He said he could find fault in an apology. He never got to ellaborate on it, though. What do you guys think?
I decided to dress pretty casually today. This look was also inspired by the recent Fossil catalog. Speaking of which, that lace top I wanted is completely sold out. I can't help but wonder if I had anything to do with that. Maybe it's just my narcissim coming out. LOL! I saw in the catalog lots of looks with pretty little floral cami's underneath colorful knit cardigans. These looks were called vintage-inspired. It just screamed spring to me. I knew I could recreate this look with existing items in my closet. I'm really happy with how it turned out. Thanks Fossil! Now, I'd like my share of the profits for sending all that traffic to your website! LOL!
We went to some of my dad's land today to take these pictures. In order to get to the land, we had to drive down a dirt path lined with houses. There was a man on a tractor dragging the path. He stopped so we could go around him. As we passed by, he yelled, "Who you looking for?" I yelled back who my dad was and that I was going to take some pictures. When we got out to take the pictures, a small crowd gathered including the man that had been on the tractor. People are so nosy around here! Can't a girl take some pictures in peace? LOL!
Today's song is "Oh, No" by Andrew Bird. I just love Andrew Bird. He is so talented! The cover of this album reminds me of the field we took pictures in today. I love the story behind this song. Here's the story from Andrew himself:
"I was on a flight from New York back to Chicago and a young mother and her 3-year-old son sat in front of me and it was looking to be the classic scenario of the child screaming bloody murder. However, I was struck by the mournfulness of this kid’s wail. He just kept crying “oh no” in a way that only someone who is certain of their demise could. Pure terror. Completely inconsolable. It was more moving than annoying. So when I got home I picked up my guitar and tried to capture the slowly descending arc of that kid’s cry. It fit nicely over a violin loop that I had been toying with which moves from C-major to A-major. I have been thinking about how as adults we bury our emotions and I almost envied that kid on the plane who had license to express what we all were probably feeling. And how I have felt frozen and numb of late. What does it take to wake us up, we who feel so little? Aren’t we almost like sociopaths, only the kind that don’t kill people?"
Don't forget to check out my blog sale. I've already sold quite a few items. Have a great night!
Sweater: Urban Outfitters
Cami: Aerie
Jeans: Pilcro Straight Leg Jeans
Boots: Frye Paige Tall Riding Boots
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Cute braid and super cute casual Sunday outfit. As for apologies - as long as they are from the heart, that is all one can do. Then recipient makes the choice to accept it or not - and you can't control what others do - only what you do. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteGirls Day Out gdo-family.blogspot.com
Bonnie your outfit is very soft with a Zen Boho feel to it. I love it! You are a good person. Dont you worry about a thing. The Comment on your blog here was only about body type and nothing more. Smile you look great in everyone of your pictures. that in itself is a good thing. Read the blog a cup of Joe , you will see we all have off and on days. I enjoy your blog.....Sabrina
ReplyDeleteYou are stunning Bonnie, and the purple is divine on you! Apologies, when genuine and meaningful, can be very powerful. I hope your facebook controversy resolves itself soon!!
ReplyDeleteWorking it for the crowd there Bonnie ;)
ReplyDeleteYou look very comfortable, I envy the sunshine! Hopefully the FB issue will resolve itself soon x
I can think of two types of apologies that are unfounded. The first is the transference of guilt. I have a brother that uses this. It put's the ball back in your court and you are obligated to smooth things over. For example: I'm sorry I got drunk and wrecked your car... again... for the third time.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping your friend is referring to the second type, where you apologies when you're not at fault in order to ease conflict. At first glance it's hard to argue with this, but it can become a red flag to healthy levels of self-esteem. When apologizing becomes a knee jerk reaction we have a problem.
Not that apologizing itself is a problem. Just like everything else in life, the hardest part is keeping balance.
“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.” - Lois Wyse
You look great in purple. Love the sun effect on your photos. Did you take your own pictures?
ReplyDeletehttp://lifeisfullofbeautiful.blogspot.com/
Maybe it's best to use tact more and not always say what you think. No hurt feelings intended, just seems to be a lot of situations where people are getting offended.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that kind of drama stuff seems to happen constantly on the internet anyway. I saw it on some of these other fashion blogs which is why I don't read those ones anymore. Don't need more drama - none of us do!
Sherry: Thanks! My apologies are always from the heart, so I'm good there.
ReplyDeleteSabrina: Thanks for you support! I'll be sure to check out that blog.
Cat: A Cat comment - Yay! I've missed you girl! Thanks! I'm always genuine with everything I say. I don't see the point in saying something if I don't mean it. I guess like Sherry said, I can only control what I do not what others do.
Louise: LOL! My "crowd" consisted of 5 good 'ole country folks. I hope you get some sunshine soon!
Anon@5:58: What you said makes sense. I'm definitely the second type. Like I said, I don't like controversy, so I tend to apologize very quickly just to resolve everything. Yeah, I've got some self-esteem issues. It would be hard not to, given my background. I think I would rather be too quick to apologize than to never apologize at all. I'll work on trying to be better balanced in the future. I like your quote! Good to hear from you. ;-)
Victoria: Thanks! My husband took the photos, but I tell him what to do! LOL!
Anon@10:31: I always do my best to use tact. If people get offended by hearing the truth, that's their problem not mine. I despise drama, that's why I try to stay out of other's people's business, but if they come at me, I'm not gonna back down. Thanks for your comment.
Heh, I'm also someone who can take issue with an apology. To me apologizing when I don't think I did something wrong is impossible, it really does stick in my throat and chockes me. On the other hand, whenever I've been in a fight if I have the space to think about it I can think of something I did wrong and apologize genuinely for it.
ReplyDeleteI take two issues with apologies.
1. Fake apologies - "I'm sorry if anyone was offended" IMO not an apology, "I'm sorry for offending you by saying that stupid thing" is an apology. The other is just a dodge that takes no responsibility.
2. Smoothing things over apologies. I sometimes suspect my husband does these which upsets me a lot. How can I trust his apologies if they are sometimes not genuine? How can I forgive him and feel good about that forgiveness when I suspect he might not think he did anything wrong and is just 'faking' because he doesn't want me to be mad. :( If I think he did something wrong I want him to be sorry for doing something wrong not sorry that I'm upset. Or on the other hand when I don't think he did anything wrong it's annoying for him to appologize - because it is either self esteem issues or non genuine. (Er, I'm very happy with my husband, just wanted to ground my ramblings in real examples).
The above is also in no way a subtle comment on your recent controversies - I thought the way people attacked you was incredibly inappropriate and immoral.
-Victoria2 (different one from above)
I check out your blog from time to time. I think it is important for everyone to remember what one person deems important doesn’t necessarily reflect the whole population. Some people may live for the moment when they can wake up, grab a cup of coffee and read mindless reviews about a pair of boots. That may be what floats their boat. Others may live for the moment when they walk through their front door and see their husband or child and know that this is the reason for getting out of bed in the morning. If this blog business is what you love Bonnie, then own it. People are always going to have opinions. Just like I will probably catch a lot of flack for writing this comment. We live in such a society of such excess. Having more clothes than what we could possibly wear in a lifetime, racking up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. And for what? Living for that next big purchase while kids in other countries would love to have clean water to drink. I don’t know. Call me crazy, but I don’t get it. I want to be remembered for being a good friend, not what pair of leggings I wore on Monday.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, let’s make clear what really happened in regards to our supposed “FB controversy.” I posted a status on my FB page. You, who for some reason thought I was talking about you, responded and proceeded to give me a lesson in judgment, all the while, putting me on blast on FB for something that had nothing to do with you to begin with. Now, our “tiff” has made its way onto your blog where you’re allowing people to say that your “attacker” is “inappropriate and immoral.”
ReplyDeleteWhat’s really embarrassing about all this is that someone who reads your blog brought this to my attention. I do not feel that I attacked you in any way. The only thing I said about you is that you are narcissistic, and in this case, for you to automatically assume that my FB status was about you, I’d say that’s fair. I also told you that I dislike your blog. There again, my personal opinion. So, I would like for you to let these people, who don’t have a clue who I am or know the whole story (obviously,) know that I did not, in fact, owe you an apology. And it’s fine if you say I didn’t accept yours, because at this point, I would never consider it. To indirectly include me to create a blog post is a little like “hiding behind vague FB statuses” is it not? Even if you didn’t come out and name me, I don’t appreciate being misrepresented or for people to have the wrong idea about me, in any capacity.
This is not an attempt to start any drama. But, I do feel I deserve the opportunity to defend myself.
Anon: The "inappropriate and immoral" comment was not directed at you. The commenter was referring to something that happened on my blog last month. So, that is just a misunderstanding on your part. I was just having a discussion about apologies on my blog, not attacking you. The thing that happened on my blog last month and the thing that happened with you just got me thinking about apologies. I didn't want to go into specifics on my blog about what happened between us because I didn't think it was relevant. You obviously have some animosity towards me for some reason. If your family is your whole world, that's fine. Even though I'm a mom, I am still a person, and I have interest outside my family and that does not make me a bad person. Clothes are one of the ways I express myself. I did not misrepresent you. You told me I was stupid, narcissitic, and my blog makes your want to vomit. The only thing I told you is you shouldn't judge people and hide behind vague facebook statuses or at the very least you should have the balls to say who you are referring to. When you said the statuses weren't about me, I apologized for our misunderstanding. I never received an apology for the attack on my character. Who is more in the wrong here?
ReplyDeleteTo be clear, Bonnie, I'm not responsible for the first Anon comment, just the second (posted at 12:36.) Misunderstanding or not, I was simply attempting to defend myself.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, I have never called you stupid. Ever.
For the record:
ReplyDeleteI said, "So, the status "There's one blog in particular that makes me want to vomit." wasn't directed at me. How about "Narcissim is so unbecoming." That wasn't for me either. Oh, and 5 minutes after I post something about my son getting in trouble at school you post, "Maybe if one would focus more on one's family rather than oneself. Bingo!" That wasn't for me either? Sorry, but I'm not stupid.
You said: "Well, om, yeah ya kinda are."
In my opinion, that's calling me stupid.
I'm so over this drama. You clearly don't like me, so I'm just wasting my breath. I removed you from my friends list, so we don't ever have to talk to each other again. If you and your "spies" don't like what you read on my blog, here's a suggestion: "DON'T READ IT!"
Oh wow.
ReplyDeleteJust to affirm, my comment was indeed about something that happened entirely in the blog world, nothing to do with facebook since I'm in no way connected to Bonnie on facebook.
For the record of the internet (which surely couldn't care less) I would not like to be remembered by the world either for being a good friend or for my family - I'd like to be remembered for being awesome and having done awesome things preferably improving something that currently sucks. I'd like to be remembered for being brilliant and though unlikely to happen, I'd quite like to be remembered for being fabulously stylish. Tending to think, as I do, that my friends and my family are private matters that are no business of anyone except my family and friends. But it's nice that there are so many different people with different preferences!
For example, I like Bonnie's blog! It's nice that the internet is big enough that I can seek out something I enjoy from someone who is motivated enough to create it. Thanks Bonnie.
-Victoria2
Victoria2: Thanks for the affirmation! And I love the part about "being awesome and improving something that currently sucks!" Brilliant! I love my readers!
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