A Vision of the Future Inspired by the Past

Thank you so much for all the contest entries! I am really enjoying reading about your resolutions and looking at your pictures. I will announce the winner tomorrow! Today, I'm posting my photo for the contest. I was gonna post it tomorrow when I post everybody else's, but I decided it would be better to post mine separately since I'm going to give you my life story, well, not really, but I am going to give you the story behind my New Year's Resolution. I'll warn you now, it's a long one.

Let's go back to July 2009. I had what I guess some would call a nervous breakdown. The clinical term was Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Whatever the label, it came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. It all started in the middle on the night. My heart was literally beating out of my chest, and I just felt weird. My husband drove me to the ER. They determined nothing was wrong with me. I went back home and for the next 3 weeks, I went through the worst experience of my life. You know the way you feel when you trip and start to fall or when somebody tells you really bad news? That slow motion, out of body feeling? I had that ALL the time. It was awful. I was sick on my stomach. I couldn't eat anything for 3 weeks and lost 20 pounds! I had weird tingling sensations and hot flashes, and cried alot and couldn't sleep. I read alot during this time to try and figure out what was going on with my body. I learned that I was caught in a vicious cycle. Excess adrenaline was being released in my body, and I reacted in fear to the sensations it was causing which released even more adrenaline. I learned that there has been a history of this in my family. My Grandma was committed for a few months during the 1950's for the same thing. She got on some medicine and got better. My sister started having Panic Attacks in her 30's. She got on Prozac and got better. So, it seemed I needed to get on some medicine myself. I went to a shrink, and he put me on Prozac, but it took 8 weeks to really start working. During those 8 weeks, I went through alot. I had to take 2 weeks off work until the crazy sensations went away. Then I moved into a new phase of my disorder - hyperchondria. Because I had lost so much weight and I wasn't gaining it back, I had convinced myself that something was physically wrong with me. I became convinced I had Cancer. I noticed some bruises on my legs. I Googled it and Leukemia came up. I went to the doctor and had blood drawn. It took a few days to get the results back. I drove myself crazy with fear. I just knew I had it. Of course, the blood work came back fine. So, a few days later I found a little lump in my breast, convinced myself I had breast cancer, had a mammogram, and found out it was a harmless cyst. Then I became convinced I had colon cancer. I had a colonoscopy (terrible experience) and found out everything was fine. When I was going through all this, I told myself that if I ever felt good again, I was going to live my life differently. I used to never do the things I really wanted to do out of fear of what other people thought. I vowed that I would not live my life in fear anymore.

Fast forward a few months, instead of Googling disease symptoms, I'm Googling to find information about an shirt from Anthropologie. I stumble across Effortless Anthropologie. "Wow, I thought! What a great little website!" I started clicking on the links to other blogs and discovered that there was this whole community of people who were obsessed with Anthropologie as much as I was. I thought it would be fun to start my own blog, so I did! People in my life thought it was stupid and they still do, but I remembered what I had promised to myself, and I decided that this was something I was doing for me!

I started this blog to keep me from shopping so much. I've gotten into quite a bit of debt over the years with my shopping addiction. I thought this blog would give me something to do to occupy my time and creative energy, so I wouldn't be tempted to buy so many new clothes. Problem is, I think it kinda backfired on me. I've spent more money on clothes since I started the blog then I did before. So, with the start of the New Year, I feel I need to focus on my original plan for this blog. My picture represents my resolve to cut myself off from credit cards and stick to my budget. I knew I wanted to do a picture where I was cutting up a credit card. I was collaborating with my photographer friend over the picture, and he mentioned something about an oversized credit card. The next morning, this Anthropologie catalog picture popped into my head.

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I thought it would be cool to recreate this photo, but instead of cutting up the floor, I could cut up one of my credit cards. Kudos to my photographer for making this possible. He's got skills! I couldn't have done this without him! So, here is the result: (drumroll please)

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Now, I just hope I can follow through with my resolution. I'll need your help readers! There are going to be moments when that new dress comes out at Anthropologie, and I'm going to want to buy it, but I don't have the money in my budget. I need you guys to keep me in check during these times. I hope you all enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy doing it! I look forward to talking more fashion with you in the New Year! Happy New Year!

CONVERSATION

31 comments:

  1. That is an awesome picture! I can't wait to see the rest of the entries.

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  2. Thanks Bonnie for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to you about your Anthro shopping addition and further debt. I just got off the phone with my sister and we are both creating budgets for ourselves. We both have gone a little overboard with Anthro lately, especially within the last month. Good luck with your New Years resolution…I hope to have the restraint to stick to my budget and refrain from making frivolous purchases.

    BTW...I love this picture. Your picture is very creative and it speaks volumes.

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  3. Bonnie, you are so beautiful - your story is very powerful indeed! Thank you for having the courage to share! I'm struggling to make a stricter budget for myself this new year with Anthro (I'm bipolar, and I tend to go overboard with the cute clothes because it's how I express myself and I like the thrill of the purchase sometimes), and I truly thank you for your story from the bottom of my heart. Your words give me extra strength today to be strong with my New Years Resolution!

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  4. Hi Bonnie, lurker but first time commenter here! I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story with us. Your picture is phenomenal!!! Best of luck with your New Year's resolution!

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  5. Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so candid- I hope that all of your readers struggling with spending/acquiring more things can band together and support each other. It's wonderful to get new things and look cute but you have reminded us that there is a deeper, darker side to it we must constantly be aware of. When I started shopping and reading posts regularly I made a vow to never buy something I couldn't afford (which usually means I have to wait for sale to buy it!) Thanks again for giving us something to think about in the coming year!

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  6. Love your Anthro shoot Bonnie, that is so creative! I love love love it.
    I read your story and can sort of relate to your shopping habits. I too tend to buy things a lot, but it has since calmed down since i got married last year. Good luck with sticking to your NY resolution, although it doesn't hurt to go out there and buy yourself something nice at times :-)

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  7. Bonnie - I became a reader while I was off work on stress leave. In the past three years, I've had to cope with my husband's car accident, leaving him with a traumatic brain injury and unable to work for the rest of his life in all likelihood, followed by the arson of our family home, and then the murder of the man who was like a father to me. I can't tell you how your candidness makes me feel a bit more 'normal'. We all endure bad things, and still live to love life. Thank you for your blog, your thoughtful posts and your gorgeous outfits. I'm thankful I found you (and thankful your Dad owns so much photo-worthy property, vehicles and buildings!) Happy New Year...

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  8. Bonnie- first of all I would love to say thanks for sharing your story! I appreciate "real" people in the blog world! It is so helpful to others! And your photo - get out (picture Elaine on Seinfeld here hitting Jerry)!! That is sooooo awesome! I vow to help you keep in check with your budget, as I must do the same!!! Happy New Year!

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  9. Wow Bonnie, I feel priviledge to have shared what I think will be a pivotal moment for you, your family and your readers. Personally, I read the anthro blogs to get styling ideas not see the latest release. I have learnt what to wear my boots with, what sort of cardigans suit outfits, how to cinch belts to flatter, how patterns and colours don't have to be predictably styled. None of this has to do with the newest piece from the catalogue. Change is within reach for all of us. I have every belief that you will show us an amazing blog and a different side of Bonnie that focuses on creativity and the essence of Anthropologie rather than debt and the premise that we all need more of what we can't afford. Kindest regards and all the best for 2011.

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  10. Bonnie: thanks for sharing your story. I am making a goal for myself for 2011 to shop less. I LOVE pretty thinks and Anthro has plenty of them, but my spending over the past year has been a big over the top. It becomes a vicious cycle that I need to break. Yes, I need to also reduce my cc debit and to increase my savings if I ever want to retire.

    Hopefully, by sharing your story with your followers, you can receive support from folks that are just like you--human.

    Happy New Year!

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  11. Bonnie, that picture is so cool! I am totally with you on needing to control my spending habits so here's to a happy new year with less material things and more appreciation for the little things in life.

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  12. wow what a perfection .. ur picture is so apt to ur new year resolution too ......it really needs a lot of courage to share ... kudo's to u ... I kept my self from the blogging for quite soem time due to fear .. but then I was not being myself .. I hate to do / not do something because of fear of others .... i must give credit to ur photographer fren do ..a round of applause for the gentleman :)

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  13. Hi Bonnie - I literally found your blog last night while googling what boots I can buy with Christmas money I was given :) I noticed on all the Anthropologie fan blogs that everyone buys a lot from there and I wondered how they weren't in debt. So this post answered that question. I think we're all prone to one addiction or another. Perhaps you can transfer your tendencies to something more frugal but just as fun - perhaps perusing the Anthropologie catalogs and styles but your goal instead is to find a more affordable version elsewhere? And you could post your findings and tips and ideas. Everyone wants their clothes but few know how to find cheap knockoffs. Good luck! 2011 will be a great year.

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  14. Bonnie
    What a great picture, and I appreciate your honesty. You are not alone in your struggles. One of my goals is to wear more of the clothes I own, and not just purchase the latest and greatest. I admire your strength in telling your story! btw, I like seeing people wearing things they own with a different twist to it
    Happy new years, and best wishes!
    Ali

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  15. That is awesome Bonnie. I have actually been seeing a counselor regarding my issue with shopping and debt. She has told me it is every bit as difficult to conquer as a drug or alcohol addition. She also said unless I deal with my own issues of not being good enough I won't be able to conquer it, wow talk about heavy. I have been working on it for a couple months now and I have to say I am seeing improvement in both areas, I feel happier and more content than I have in a long time. I simply don't want to live the way I have been any more, I don't want to lay awake at night trying to figure out how to pay off the debt and having it make me feel guilty and take away the joy of my lovely purchases.

    I think you are beautiful and the photography on your website is amazing and I would love to hear your stories and see photos of you in any outfit even if it has been worn 100 times because I just enjoy the lovely photos and the amazing scenery where you live.

    Best of luck in the new year let's raise our glasses to happy, debt free lives!!

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  16. Bonnie, your photographer friend is so gifted! That photo of you is spectacular. I wish you the best in the coming year. Some of my favorite blogs are ones where the blogger rewear items in different ways. All the best to you and yours.

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  17. Bonnie, Thanks for being open and transparent. As a reader, I would love to see you do a challenge using the things you already have in your closet and make your feature the photography. I love the photography on your blog the most anyway. Happiest wishes for the new year! :)

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  18. Thanks for making yourself so vulnerable and open about your past struggles - we all have more then just our pretty clothes in the closet ;) You are stunning in this photo and your friend did an amazing job with the recreation of the catalog shot. You have so much creativity, I hope 2011 will show you new ways to channel it and not come with an Anthropologie price tag.

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  19. Bonnie, thanks for sharing your story. Here's to wishing you a better new year. As a reader, I'll try to abide by your wishes and keep you in check :-) My new year's resolution is also to spend less $$ at Anthro. It is an addiction. And your pic is stunning as always. Maybe focus on modeling? I've said this b4, but I'll say it again, I can see you gracing the covers of magazines.

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  20. I'm so excited for you Bonnie! I feel so privileged to be a reader of your blog! I have also struggled with spending on clothes and just recently dug myself out of credit card debt. I think the community can definitely help you stick to your resolution! Love you and your blog!

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  21. what a fabulous picture Bonnie! Thank you for being so refreshingly honest and open about your medical history and the thinking behind your blog. I'm sure in 2011 you'll be able to stick to a budget and sale shopping after having had a prolific 2010 in terms of spending. You remix things beautifully and have some wonderful anthro pieces now so I look forward to seeing how you reinvent some old favourites this year. Good luck and happy new year to you and your gorgeous family x

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  22. Hi Bonnie, thanks for sharing your story. And for being so BRAVE to admit your shopping addiction. I guess many women in this modern world are addicted to fashion, and we keep buying clothes, not realizing that we already have MORE THAN ENOUGH to wear. But on the other hand, shopping is such a STRESS RELEASE activity:))))

    I salute you for coming up with this new year resolution of keeping to your budget and asking readers to keep you in check. I believe by encouraging and advising each other, all your readers and yourself will be able to achieve this. I hope you can help me in this way too:)))

    Thanks again, and wishing you a Happy New Year:))

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  23. Hi Bonnie, Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. That photo is making - unlike anything I have seen in recent blogs. Clothes shopping (monstly Anthro) is also becoming bit of an obsession on my part. I am also making similar new year resolution. Lets all encourage each other. Thanks for the blog, genuine stories and beautiful pictures. Happy New year.

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  24. Bonnie
    Thank you for your story. I think it is one a lot of people can relate to. My goal is also to wear more of what I have , instead of succumbing to the latest and greatest. It is hard though when you see all the pretty new things out there. I wish you a happy new year, and you are not alone in your struggle to stay on budget;)

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  25. Bonnie,
    Thank you for sharing your story. I have generalized anxiety disorder and sometimes it just hits when you least expect it to for no reason at all. It is awful!

    I also love your picture! And good luck with your resolution. You can do it!!! :):) Happy New Year!

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  26. Bonnie,

    What an awesome photo! So creative! I just love it! I've been reading your blog regularly for awhile now and I must say that your modeling and photography really stand out. You could wear anything and I would still love your blog. Thanks also for sharing your story behind your resolution. I can definitely relate. I lost my mom very unexpectedly in 2009. Ever since, I just can't seem to stop spending money. It seems like that rush I get when buying something is the only thing that temporarily makes me forget my sadness and pain. I really need to find a new outlet because I've just about max'd out my credit card on all these Anthro purchases (and I was debt free before). Cheers to your resolution! I'm going to be trying my best to do the same too!

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  27. Bonnie! I am a lurker and I had to delurk to post this message. Thank you soooo much for being open and sharing your shopping struggles with us. I too overspend waaaaay too much and since I discovered the Anthro blog community, it has gotten much worse! About a year ago, I had to unsubscribe from all the emails from a ton of stores to try to stop myself from buying so much. And this year, I almost feel like I should do the same for all of my beloved Anthro blogs. Ahh, baby steps!

    Thanks again for being so candid!!! You are much appreciated!

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  28. Hello, I am new to your blog. I really am so touched by your candor. I agree that owning and doing a blog is hard because you're always tempted by the latest and greatest. Good for you for starting out 2011 on the right foot and I love your rendition of the photo. Very clever and I think many in the blog world can relate. Happy New Year.

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  29. What an amazing photo, Bonnie! Your photographer friend really outdid himself here. But what impresses me even more is your courage to share this very difficult and moving story with all of us. I can only imagine how scary and unnerving those times must have been. Thank you for reminding us to take a closer look at WHY we are spending, and to think about what we really do and do not need.

    I look forward to seeing remixes of your beautiful 2010 purchases. And all of us in the Anthro blogging community will have to hold each other accountable to cut back on our spending. Not easy, but we can do it!

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  30. You go! Thank you for sharing your powerful story with us, so often people feel a stigma in talking about our mental health. Mental health should be treated like any other health issue. Be strong and think of that sweet baby girl you have and how $150.00 towards a dress could go towards her college education. Not that you should stop shopping all together :)

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