Sweater: Anthropologie Kinsey Fleece Cardigan
Jeans: American Eagle Jeggings
Boots: Frye Melissa Button Boots
"When the sun comes, dry tears from my eyes. So you come around as the weather starts to change, and you settle in. And the best has yet been made." - James Vincent McMorrow
I'm still struggling through 2014 so far. I find myself looking back more than looking forward. I can't help but think that my best years are behind me. I'll never have the body, the hair, or the skin I had in my twenties. Hell, I'd settle for the body, hair, and skin I had 2 years ago... My babies are growing up and becoming less and less dependent on me. The intense love that Jerry and I felt for each other has settled into a warm fondness scattered with moments of love but, oftentimes loathing. We fight over stupid shit all.the time. Just a week ago we were yelling at each other over football statistics. Yes, football statistics. That one had me reduced to tears and seriously contemplating what the fuck is the point of life if everything turns to shit.
Things have been better with me and Jerry this week, but now, all of the sudden, my mom has decided that she hates me. I have no idea what I did wrong, but whatever Zen she gained from her heart attack totally went out the window this week, and she was back to her old condescending and hurtful ways. As she was verbally berating me and making me feel like the worst person who's ever taken breath, I couldn't help but think, "Wow, I was just complaining to her about Jerry last night, and now I'll be complaining to Jerry about her tonight." What the fuck has a girl got to do to get some stability in her life?
I guess I need to get over my need for stability. It's overrated, anyway. Life is all about change, and yeah, it sucks sometimes, but that's just the way it is. Our happiness in life is not defined by our ability to hold on to the way that things have always been but in our ability to adapt to change. Evolution, Survival of the Fittest, Natural Selection - it goes by many names, but I truly believe that it is the point of life. It's basic, I know. It's not all deep and mysterious like God, religion, and the myriad of other things people latch onto to give their life meaning. Maybe I'll change my views down the road. Like I said, life is all about change. But for now, I'm going to put on my big girl hat and brace myself for each and every change in the weather. Besides, I have always preferred the weathered look, and there's always hope that the best is yet to come.
Posts
Chin up, Buttercup! Everyone's a crab ass in January! Sunnier, happier days are ahead. In the meantime, drive your butt to the beach! You are way too close to not visit it more than you do! I know it's cold but the ocean is pretty great about giving perspective. Take a little trip for a lunch at one of those local restaurants and some bundled up walks on the beach!
ReplyDeleteAnd P.S.-- football is stupid. Don't fight about it. ;)-
Hi Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteYou look beautiful in that hat. It suits your face very well. You are truly a beauty. I understand not feeling like it or looking back and thinking you were more beautiful when you were younger...but from the outside looking in, I think you are suck a lovely woman. Also, I was wondering if you had ever listened to "Shake It Out" by Florence and the Machine. I love that song so much. Maybe you'll hate it, which is totally fine. But I thought maybe you could give it a listen (unless of course you have already heard it). It seems like such a great song to listen to when you are feeling crappy about circumstance or life or whatever. I also think the lead singer and you look a bit alike. Have a good week!
Hey, Im sorry you're having a hard time right now. That sucks. And I know this isn't so much of an outfit post, but — I love these photos. Great outfit, great light, great photography. You look beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI think it's in the weather... however you rock that hat and Jerry still is a very good photographer! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Bonnie. I am a long time lurker and have never posted before. I took one look at your pictures in this post and was absolutely wowed. You look seriously gorgeous ... your outfit, your hair, your hat ... perfection. You look like a model.
ReplyDeleteI hear what you're saying and can relate to your feelings. I have had a major case of the blahs this month and I've been having trouble pulling myself out of the ditch. I feel like 2014 has shit the bed and it has only just started!
I hope the felling passes for both of us. :-)
Hi Tana! Thanks for the song recommendation! I've actually featured that song on here in a post. Love it!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Catherine. Thanks for the trip suggestion! We actually did that back in October, but I think it's time for another trip. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Richard, I assure you, the bed springs are far from cool...but I appreciate your input anyway. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks! Glad you came out of lurking to post. Yeah, 2014 has gotten off to a rough start, but that means it can only get better, right? RIGHT? :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for pointing out the positives!
ReplyDelete"I feel like 2014 has shit the bed", oh - that made me LAUGH! I love some of the people I 'meet' here at Smalltown Fashionista. Thanks Dana. Bonnie - regardless of how it "seems to Richard" the only one you owe it to is yourself. There is no such thing as a 'run-of-the-mill' couple; you have just let more of us glimpse into the tangled mess that everyone in love experiences.
ReplyDeleteOh, and the outfit rocks, by the way.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Bonnie. We all know that time is not on your side here, so what I said still goes, it just might not be applicable *yet*, although I'm thinking you're painting the picture a little brighter than it probably is...but, either way, remember what I said. :-)
ReplyDeleteSure there is, Ms. Descartes...were it not for the rampant navel-gazing and personal novelizing encouraged by the Internet, we'd all recognize ourselves as a bit more run-of-the-mill than we currently believe, wouldn't we? I think so. :-)
ReplyDelete