Looking Away

It would seem that my pose of choice in this photo shoot was to look away from the camera. While I did manage some different poses, I decided to go mostly with the looking away ones because, strangely enough, those were my favorites. Also, they sort of reflect what's on my mind today. Before I delve into the deep and dark stuff, though, I should mention that I stole this outfit directly off Anthro's website. Thanks, Anthro, for helping a depressed, uninspired sister out.

I've had more bad days than good lately, so I think it's safe to say I've fallen into a depression again. I didn't go to work yesterday. In fact, I didn't even get out of bed. I think I could be happy just staying in bed every day watching mindless TV, eating junk food, and keeping up to date with current events through my IPad. Shit, I don't even need the news for current events. We had a earthquake yesterday, and I felt it 3 hours before the news reported it.

The problem with going out into the world is that things tend to go down hill in my life when I do it. For one, it costs money, and every damn thing is so expensive nowadays. Even worse, though, I usually have to interact with people, something I'm not very good at. However, I don't really have a life unless I get out of the house, so I make myself get out every day and push through. Those few and far between good days make all the bad ones worth it.

I have noticed that a lot of people use avoidance as a coping mechanism in life, but instead of fighting it like I do, they just go with it and even think it's a natural, healthy way to deal with things. While most don't go to the extreme of becoming a hermit that never leaves their house, they do use avoidance when dealing with the unpleasant things that life throws their way. For example, when some people get mad with another person, instead of talking it through with them, they choose to not talk to them at all for a day or two. Yep, I live with one of those people. Fun times. Another, more concerning example that I've heard about is people who deal with death by pretending the person who died never existed.

I get that it's easier to deal with things this way, I really do, but I don't get why a person would conscientiously choose to handle problems in their life in this way. It's not natural, and it sure as hell isn't healthy. I know that some people think I'm weird for still having pictures of my ex-husband and our life together on my Facebook, but I think it would be weird if I took them down, as if I was just erasing that part of my life. It happened, it's a part of who I am now, so I'm not going to pretend it never took place. This is the same reason I didn't change my name back after I got divorced. The way I see it, each part of my name represents a part of my life.

In addition to being unnatural and unhealthy, it's just plain ridiculous when you really think about it. For instance, I'm well aware that there are some people out there who have chosen to pretend that I don't exist. It's certainly their life and their choice, but I do laugh to myself sometimes when I think about what these people would do if I saw them out and about and tried to speak to them. Would they run and hide? Or would they close their eyes and put their fingers in their ears and shout "la, la, la, la?"

Anyway, the bottom line is that it's so easy to go through life with blinders on and to look away from our problems instead of solving them, but I don't think this makes for a very fulfilling life. I know I sound like a broken record, but everything in life really is about taking the good with the bad. More is lost than gained when you choose to erase all the wonderful memories you had with a loved one because you can't face the painful fact that they are gone or when you forget about all the good things a person did for you because they did one thing that hurt you. Like it or not, life is both pleasure and pain, and we get the most out of it when we are willing to face it all.