Dress: Old Navy Printed Pintuck Crepe Dress
Sweater: The Limited
"Ghost figures of past, present, future haunting the heart." - Belle and Sebastian
I was somewhat catching up on outfit posts, but the lack of time to do a post over the last several days has put me behind yet again. I wore this little ensemble way back on Halloween. I haven't worn heels this high in awhile, so it was a little tricky getting 3 kids dressed in their costumes while balancing myself on 4 inch heels. It was probably not the best outfit choice for a busy day, but I was itching to wear the new shoes I purchased from Ruche a few weeks ago. I had been looking for some plain black pumps, and these fit the bill nicely.
I've been in a weird mood lately. I know, shocker. It all started when I went for my yearly physical last Thursday. The doctor and I were talking about kids, and she asked me if I planned on having anymore. I said, "No," and immediately felt sadness in my heart. You see, I still have the desire to have more kids, but I've excepted that in more ways than one another kid just isn't in the cards for me. It has really started to hit me that I'm done with that chapter of my life. I see women with little babies, and I feel so envious that they are still in that phase of their lives. I remember older women telling me when I was there to enjoy it because it would go by so fast, and I did enjoy it, immensely, but it still doesn't make the fact that it's over any easier. Now, all of a sudden, I'm one of the older women.
I told the doctor how I felt, and she told me to focus on the things that come along with a baby that I don't have to do anymore, like staying up all night and changing diapers. I know she's right, but when I think back to when my kids were babies all I remember are the good things. Those diaper changes and restless nights don't seem so bad now. Conversely, when I look to my peers and those older than me to see what my future holds, all I see is sickness, pain, and death.
Why is it so easy to see the past in a positive light but the future in a negative one? I guess the unknown is always scary. However, I must remember that life is what we make it. Yes, I'm moving into a new chapter in my life, and there is no doubt that sickness, pain, and death await me along the way, but I can't control those things. All I can do is focus on the things I can control, and enjoy the good times while they last. Ultimately, it doesn't matter where I'm at in my life. As long as I have the right attitude, I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be.
Belle And Sebastian - Another Sunny Day
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One of the sweetest things my Dad ever said to me was that it was a wonderful thing when your children become people that you not only love because they're your kids but like and respect as adults and peers. So maybe that's the part of the next chapter that you can look forward to--helping your kids grow and change and become wonderful adults whom you can have a conversation with!
ReplyDeleteLove that dress! Unfortunately couldn't justify the $50 International shipping to get it:(
ReplyDeleteGetting old does not mean sickness, pain and death. I've met plenty of elderly people in their 80's and 90's who are sprightly, fun, enjoying life and making the most of every day. I love meeting these people as they are so inspirational and full of life.
These outfits you pick out are so cute but I'm always jealous because you pull them off so well and I know I never could! Believe it or not, I actually understand what you mean about kids. I always thought I'd have another in a few years when I'm in my early thirties but now because of my back issues, I may not be able to carry another one. It makes me really sad to think that there will be no more tiny infant faces looking up at me with need. Our kids are at the age now where they don't rely on us for every little thing and nice as it sounds, it gets kind of lonely.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, you are not one of the "older women"; you're an experienced woman! I envy you for the opportunity you had to have kids at a younger age. I'm older than you (38) and trying to get pregnant for the first time, because for the first time I have a man in my life who is willing to make the commitment to be a parent with me. Hopefully I still have more ahead of me than sickness, pain and death - yikes! For sure you could try to have another baby if you wanted to - if you choose not to, enjoy living the life you choose.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are right. I was being a tad bit melodramatic with the sickness, pain, and death thing. It's just there's been a lot of bad shit happening to people I know lately. My cousin, who is in her forties, just had a stroke. She's okay, but it really freaks me out that you can be fine one minute and the next lying helpless on the floor unable to move half your body. In addition, a girl I went to high school with was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Oh, and my mom has been living with horrible nerve pain for the past 10 years. It scares me watching her get so old and frail. She may be a big, old meanie, but it will still devastate me when she passes away. I've never had anyone close to me get really sick or pass away, so I just know it's coming, and it scares me. I know I can't live my life in fear, though. After all, my next day isn't guaranteed. I just have to take one day at a time and try to focus on the positives. It's just hard some days. Thanks for putting things in perspective for me.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck on getting pregnant. It's such an exciting time in one's life!
Thanks, girl! You sell yourself too short. I can see this looking really cute on you.
ReplyDeleteYes, I love infants. I miss the cuddling, closeness, and the fact that they can't talk back! LOL! Kids these days grow up so fast. I feel like I have teenagers already. Yes, it really can get lonely. I think that's what I liked the best about pregnancy - that feeling that you were never alone.
Aw, sorry you missed out on it, Serina. Next time, email me. I'd be glad to pick something up for you and ship it out for much less than $50.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. I have a bad habit of focusing on the negative, but I'm working on it.
I hadn't thought of it that way. That's a really good way to look at it! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteSorry you're having to deal with all of that. I love your shoes, by the way!
ReplyDeleteThank you Bonnie:) that's really sweet of you.
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