You Can't Win!

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Dress: Anthropologie Slubby Tulip Dress - Size M
Sweater: Anthropologie Micro-Striped Cardigan - Size S
Shoes: Kensie Girl

"Who are you trying to impress, steadily creating a mess?" - Jose Gonzalez

My 10 year old son posted his first comment ever on the Internet the other night. He is really into watching other people talk about and play video games on You Tube, so he decided to weigh in with his 2 cents on one of the videos he watched. I was in the room with him while he was watching the video but had no idea he had left a comment until he came over and told me with excitement in his voice that he had left a comment and it had received 14 likes. I told him I was happy for him but warned him that he could get some dislikes too. I explained to him that if he got some dislikes, it was okay and not to take it too hard (Wish I could take my own advice sometimes). I, then, turned to Jerry and said, "Isn't it funny how at a very young age, we seek validation from others?" When my son got up the next morning, the very first thing he did was get on the computer and check the status of his comment. 

I've been doing some Internet checking of my own lately, and I've unfortunately seen some not so nice things said about me on other websites. I know these people well enough by now to know what they will say. They will assume I have been scouring the Internet 24/7 looking for any mention of myself because I live for attention, negative or otherwise. However, just like everything else they talk about, it's not as dramatic as they would have you believe. The simple fact of the matter is when your blog activity jumps by 1,000 readers, you kinda notice it and you kinda want to know why.

The first thing I found was a post talking about not talking about me. Confused yet? You see, I'm the Voldemort of a certain website and their first rule of operation is to not mention my name, because, you know, I might get some page views and trigger the Apocalypse or something. It's funny because clearly the head honcho herself reads my blog. Of course, she claims to have not read it in months, but it's mysterious that she knows I've moved into a new house and even lol'd at my labeling of it as a "country home." You know, because all us small town bumpkins live in "country homes." 

I find it really crazy the degree to which some people can spin things by making their own assumptions and conclusions. Like saying that talking about my son's behavior was "throwing him under the bus." This same lady said I should be more loving and supportive of him and that she can't imagine how awful it will be for him when he gets older and reads what I wrote. I don't know what it's like in her household, but it's not a fucking Hallmark card in mine. I stated the truth of what happened and talked in the comments about my resolution of it (which consisted of some pretty loving and supportive behavior considering the circumstances.) Oh, and I hope to hell he reads it when he gets older because he needs to remember what he did!
    
Next, I went over to another website, where I was being accused of lying about my size. I found out that I look like I'm a size 16, but I could possible be a size 12, but certainly not any size lower than that. Really? A size 16? It's funny because I Googled a size 16 and my measurements aren't anywhere close to that. Of course, I used to provide my measurements on here, but I got accused of lying about those. Since, technically, my waist measurement can change slightly if I have one too many cheeseburgers in a day, I took the measurements down and started posting the size of my clothing in each post. Now, I'm being accused of lying about the sizes. I guess I could start photographing the size labels. Of course, I already tried that once and was accused of focusing too much on size numbers. LOL! I'm the one focusing too much on size numbers...  There was one poster who went out on a limb for me and said I might actually be a size 8, because all the big, shapeless sacks I wear make me look bigger. I found that really funny, because most people say I need to SIZE UP! In situations like these Jerry and I like to bring out our best game show host voice, look at each other, and say, "You can't win!"

The truth of the matter is that it's only human nature to seek validation from others. However, people go about doing it in different ways. There are the types like me and my son who put our honest thoughts and feelings out there in hopes there are others who feel the same way. And then there are those who get their validation from putting others down. On Friday, I put out a challenge on my Facebook page to all my critics to send me a picture and tell me a little bit about themselves. Since they are such experts on fashion and life, I thought this would be a good way for them to get some validation in a more constructive way. Sadly, I didn't have any takers. Oh well, I guess I can't change them any more than they can change me.

José González - Far Away

CONVERSATION

30 comments:

  1. Hi, Bonnie:
    The one you sit on the stairs is beautiful!!

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  2. Awesome necklace - love it. Is that a slip you added underneath? Clever!
    Sorry about that website :(

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  3. Sorry to hear about all of the grief you are getting from other bloggers. While talking about the crap they say about you will only fuel their "mean-girl" ways, I understand why you want to talk about it and get your feelings all out on your blog. Do know that you articulately and eloquently convey how it effects you and perhaps, one day when those other bloggers mature they will see that being a bully is as real and dangerous online as it is in real life.

    If it's any comfort (and I know it's not) I love your outfit today. Your hair and necklace look perfect with the dress. :)

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  4. I saw that at my Anthro and I thought, "who in the heck would wear that?!" but it looks great with your outfit!

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  5. Clearly you must think so highly of yourself that not talking about you is the first rule of GOMI. Ha. You wish you were that important. We check in on you occasionally to watch the trainwreck. You know, cause it's fun. Like a bad reality show.

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  6. Clearly, you don't hang out on GOMI that much (not that that's a bad thing). I also check in on you guys occasionally, and I've seen it declared several times that "the first rule of GOMI is to not talk about STF." So, I didn't just pull that one out of my self-important ass. I'm aware that I'm just a crazy, attention-loving whore who isn't worth the fine ladies at GOMI's time. I'm cool with that. It spares me a lot of pain caused by hurtful and mean comments.

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  7. LOL! I LOVE this comment! "Who in the heck would wear that?!" Me!
    I never pay this much for jewelry. $20 is usually my max for a necklace. However, I couldn't resist this beauty. It has a really cool native american vibe that I love!

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  8. I totally get that Sarah, 'cause it makes you feel better about yourself. And if we're being truthful those moments seem to be fewer and fewer these days don't they? It's kind of like pushing children down in the park. It's your path to validation.

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  9. Thanks, Melanie. I'm so glad you understand. I feel like I'm always misunderstood. I sat on this post for a day because I was scared of how people would take it. To me, I'm just pouring my honest thoughts and feelings out, but to others it could come off as weak or petty. I could just see the comments in my head: "Enough already. We don't care about your stupid problems. Just talk about the clothes!" However, if I chunked this whole post and just talked about the clothes, I could see these comments in my head: "I can't believe your still talking about clothes and wearing a new necklace after your Rock Bottom post." Just like this post says, "You can't win!" That's why I decided to stick with what I really wanted to say. I'm so glad you got it!

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  10. Thanks, Jessica. I love it too! The slip underneath is made into the dress. I purchased this dress last year, but I believe the same dress is being sold at Anthro right now in different incarnations:
    Half-Day Maxi Dress http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/24769580.jsp
    Between Lines Maxi Dress http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/clothes-dresses/24829145.jsp

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  11. What's wrong with being a size 16? I'm 5'10 and a size 14/16 in most things and let me tell you, sweetheart, my fashion taste is miles better than yours. And I'm not such a pretentious snot either.

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  12. Nothing is wrong with being a size 16. I never said there was. Just stated that I wasn't that size and was, therefore, not lying about my size.

    LOL! I'm the one being pretentious? You just proclaimed yourself fashion queen. Your comment is the very definition of pretentious, sweetheart.

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  13. I'm not sure if you can or not, but can you block these people from your blog? Personally I enjoy your blog and I like your outfits.

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  14. I am pretty sure that is a reference to Fight Club. I have gone on GOMI a few times, and that is a regular reference applied to many different people...as in the same language is used but that doesn't mean that one person is the "first rule" of the site. So I see Sarah's point there.

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  15. Not cool to act like you are open minded of others/other opinions in a backhanded way. Saying "Really? A size 16?" sounds like there is something wrong with looking like that size. My mother has a chest that puts her in XLs always, but a size 8 otherwise. Sizes really aren't so much different, everyone is just a matter of inches from each other.

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  16. I like that one too

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  17. I am a size 14 and I did not take offense to that whatsoever. I think she was saying .."a 16, really?"..not like it was a gross horrible size. More like...anyone with eyes can see I am not that size.

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  18. i didn't take her comment that way. she's just saying she obviously doesn't look like a size 16 & she's right.

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  19. So, to clarify, It wouldn't be the first, first rule, more the "first rule"? Yeah, good point Sarah. Outside makes a technical argument here about one line that appeared to me to be shot from the hip. Does this lend weight to Sarah's overall statement? While she appears to be trying to tear someone down, maybe she's the good guy here.

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  20. I agree Stephanie. She can block them but sometimes is provoked. It's part of her transparency philosophy that they prey on. Hats off to her for the honesty, but I couldn't do it, or maybe just wouldn't.

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  21. Does she look like a size 16 to you? This isn't a question about the quality of being a certain size, just a yes or no type of thing. I guess we could be equally surprised to hear she looks like a size 2. To me she looks like a size 8. We can say we're not size conscience and that it doesn't matter, but it sure seems to be the topic of discussion. I guess we all should start with ourselves. When we can say I'm a size ____ and be satisfied with that, well it's a good place to start.

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  22. Actually it was not nearly as confusing an explanation as all of that, but rather just pointing out the use of a figure of speech, a pop culture reference said as a joke. And I did not say her whole comment was justified, but rather that she had a point "there," meaning that "one line" of her comment I referenced.

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  23. And the point of what I was saying is that sizes in pictures are impossible to tell within 4 or so sizes of each other. I have seen many bloggers that look like size zeros on my screen reference trying on a size 6. A large chest like Bonnie references herself as having, combined with her height, could easily put her in that size range even if she has thin arms, hips, legs etc. I don't find it ridiculous that she could be any of those sizes, and there is nothing wrong with any of those sizes. Heck, I went up to a size 12 in a couple skirts recently while I am normally a size 6 because that item fit better at that size. So essentially I was saying, chill about being so put off by any intentional cattiness, as it really doesn't matter.

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  24. Just do you, Bonnie, just do you. None of us can win everyone, and nor should we want to! I've found for myself (i'm not a blogger, just talking about in real life) that it has always helped me to decide and then firmly memorize who my audience really is -- i.e. whose opinion do I actually truly care about. For me, that's God above all, then ME, and then my closest family and friends. The rest of the world is not my audience. My actions, my choices, my life do not need to satisfy them. If I am satisfying my real audience, then I'm winning :)

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  25. Not trying to put words in your mouth. Just want clarity. Does this lend weight to Sarah's whole statement? It appears to me that you might be saying that, but I'd like to hear it from you. You never said she wasn't justified. Your name seems to say that you're un-biased. It would be nice to get this type of opinion, but clarity of where you stand would help. On the first rule front, it seems that whether they give this status one, or a few, the statement stands. One of my favorite movies by the way. the pop culture reference wasn't lost here.

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  26. I clarified a FACTUAL point in her statement that Bonnie did not seem to understand fully. And you similarly don't seem to understand the nuance either...the statement is a joke, in which every time it is used it is intentionally an overstatement...as that is the joke. Not so much importance is attached to the who it is being directed at, the point Bonnie seemed to not get.


    The rest of Sarah's statement is her OPINION and her saying why she does certain actions. I have no dog in that fight on either side to conclude right/wrong/justified/unjustified. It is none of my business.

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  27. Well whatever size you are...you are hot!!!

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  28. Anastasia MischenkoJuly 2, 2012 at 7:46 PM

    Hi Bonnie, I was looking for a review of Sky Trails dress and came upon your blog and happened to read your post. First up- I love your gorgeous photos, do you mind telling who takes them? They are just wonderful and so romantic, love love love. Secondly, I just wanted to offer few words of support- I did not follow closely on your comment of your son's behaviour- mine is ADHD through and through, hope yours is not the case, so you can imagine how not a Hallmark my home is. :)) I find that people looove to judge- whether it's child rearing, body size, number of pics posted, amount of money spent on clothes- yes, that had happened too- it's just a human nature. I'd say- do not mind them, you do not have to explain yourself- they will be dissatisfied either way. Focus on positive and enjoy your life and your blog, you are doing an amaizng job! Cheers!

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  29. Well, I don't know you or these weird, insular, solipsistic "wars." What I do know is I came here randomly when I was searching for a sweater. I saw your photos, above, and took an immediate dislike. Now, I realize that these "come hither"/"I think I'm a model so I'll pose and look coy" photos are all over the place, on blogs just like yours. But I think photos like those say a lot about the person who decided to pose for them and create a blog about it. It tells me that you're superficial (really? all this time on CLOTHES?), haughty, and in love with yourself. My immediate reaction to then skimming your incredibly long post is that whomever those people are that castigate you are probably right. It's not about your weight (I don't care if you want to hurt yourself by eating too much and not exercising). It's about everything else.

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