Dress: Anthropologie Arched Careena Dress - Size 6
Shoes: Kensie Girl
Earrings: Tree and Kimble
"And I say to her, why'd I say it to her? What does she think of me? That I'm not what I ought to be. That I'm what I try not to be has got to be somebody else's fault." - Fiona Apple
I'm not a big fan of people. I think they're overrated. I would be perfectly content to live in a cabin in the woods all by myself without all these pesky people around ruining my life. Oh yeah...I'm in a dark place today. Queue the pearl clutchers and stone throwers.
I know, I know. I'm suppose to be kind to my fellow man, kumbaya, and all that jazz. However, my fellow man makes it really, really hard some days, and, just my luck, it's Friday. In my experience, Friday is the absolute worst day to be mad at the world. Everyone is walking around work with their shorts and flip flops on all smiley and happy cause "it's Friday!" Just the sound of their flip flops flopping makes me want to bust a cap in their asses (joking). If that wasn't enough, they're talking about their weekend plans with their loud, obnoxious voices and stupid, grating laughs.
Clearly, I've got a lot of rage today. The thing is I don't want to feel this way. I want to like people and be nice to them, but it's just so damn hard! I absolutely hate drama which is ironic because it seems like every post I do, no matter how innocent, induces some sort of drama. I can't tell you how frustrating this is for me. Of course, people say it's my fault. Maybe they're right. Maybe it is. Maybe I should just delete all negative comments and pretend they never existed. Maybe I should just say, "Thank you for pointing out the error of my ways" and move along. Maybe I should do a lot of things differently, but the simple fact of the matter is I have a hard time not defending myself.
Despite this, I tried yesterday to be accomodating to a reader, to listen to her complaint and try to make it right. Apparently, my thong was blatantly on display for all to see in Wednesday's post. I guess there was a hint of a panty line in the "back fat" picture. Geez, you would think the back fat would distract from anything else, but the crotch watchers have evolved. That's right people, not only do I have to zoom in on my crotch and look for any hint of camel toe, but now I have to zoom in on my ass crack as well. Even though I could barely make out what she was talking about, I thanked the commenter for pointing it out and swaped the picture for a different one. And what did I get for my efforts? A smart ass comment with a dog pile of "likes."
I'm so bitter at the human race right now, and it's so easy to blame everyone else for my bad attitude. However, I've realized something while typing out this crazy rant. I have no one to blame but myself. My reaction to other people is my choice. I can't control how other people behave, but I can sure as hell control myself. I'm my own worst enemy. I need to make peace with the fact that there are people in this world who are not very kind, who get their kicks by lifting themselves up at the expense of others (and staring at others asses). I need to realize that I don't have to allow their mean words and ill will to poison my mind. I love this quote by August Strindberg: “There are poisons that blind you, and poisons that open your eyes." I don't want to be blinded by anger. I want to open my eyes and see all the beauty there is in the world (including harmless little hints of thong). If I can do this in the face of all the criticism, there will be no need to defend myself because I will finally be free.