The Garden

longing. An open window
in a country house-- , and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me."


I imagine us working in the garden. Maybe the kids are there investigating, or tearing stuff up. Throwing dirt clods, but probably complaining about being there, or in the a/c watching tv. My parents had gardens. We worked in them under duress.

I don't think I'll ever decide not to talk to you.
I know that I'll not choose to be in this garden with you under my present circumstances.
You should do the things in your life that you want to do without me in the plan.

I've done many sunset photo shoots for this blog over these last 2 years. It offers the best light and there is something really magical to me about that time of day. Out of all those shoots, this one is by far my favorite.

Just before sunset, Jerry and I set out for a field of daffodils that I had taken photos with this time last year. When we got there, we discovered that the blooms were already dying out. It seems Spring has come a little earlier this year due to the unseasonably warm weather we have been experiencing. Dejected, we rode around the countryside trying to find another spot for photos. As he was driving, Jerry mentioned wanting to ride by the house we are buying just to look around again. The sun was getting lower in the sky, and we still hadn't found a good spot, so I suggested we go ahead to the house and maybe we would find a good place for photos there. When we pulled up, there was a patch of daffodils in full bloom in the front yard. It was perfect. After photos, we walked around the yard talking about the things we looked forward to doing once the place was ours. The task that was of the utmost importance to us both was planting a garden.

You see, the garden is very symbolic for us. This time last year we were both struggling about which direction to take in our lives. We wanted so much to be together, but we couldn't bear the thought of hurting others. We both loved gardens and would often fantasize about planting a garden together. The garden was symbolic of a life we dreamed of but thought we would never have. I was really upset when, in the middle of this struggle, Jerry wrote to me about his vision of us in the garden. I thought it was so cruel of him to share this with me when he knew it could never be a reality. He later explained that he shared his vision because he wanted me to know that he realized what he was giving up.

Ultimately we made the decision to be together. Not because we wanted to hurt people, but because it was no longer a choice. Love will find a way and that way is not always easy. Just as it nourishes, it can also rip you from your roots. Yet, here we are, a year later, taking photos in the yard where we will hopefully plant our first garden together. We are so close to the vision that Jerry had a year ago. I can't wait to finally make it a reality.
 
Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home