"Regrets collect like old friends here to relive your darkest moments...And all of the ghouls come out to play then every demon wants his pound of flesh, but I like to keep some things to myself. And I've been a fool and I've been blind. I can never leave the past behind. I'm always dragging that horse around. All of these questions, such a mournful sound. Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground 'cause I like to keep my issues drawn. It's always darkest before the dawn." - Florence and the Machine
I went to a Halloween party over the weekend dressed as Sookie Stackhouse. I had a good time, but it was tinged with regret. I discovered a couple of weeks ago that I had double booked. I had made a commitment to go to a concert with a friend, but I had also planned to attend this Halloween party. As luck would have it, they were on the same night, so I made the decision to attend the party. I regret the way I handled the whole thing. I didn't call my friend and discuss it with her. I had my boyfriend tell her boyfriend to tell her that we weren't going. Looking back on it, I can't believe I handled it so poorly. I had my reasons for not wanting to go to the concert and instead of talking about them with my friend, I decided not to go and didn't even contact her myself. I have since apologized, and she has forgiven me.
Thinking about this got me thinking about things I've done to other people in the past. I feel like I mess up a lot when it comes to people. Despite what some may think, I don't do it intentionally. Deep down, I'm still a shy introvert who has a hard time communicating with people. This was glaringly obvious to me at the party. There were several times that I wish I could have gone back and started the conversation over and said what I really wanted to say. I tend to get really uncomfortable in these social situations and end up saying something stupid. I had a really hard time sleeping that night because I kept replaying scenes from the night over and over again in my head, regretting what I had said or done. I found myself starting to get depressed again, and that is one slippery slope I don't want to slide back down. So, I decided to take Sookie's advice and get some sleep:
“Don’t you just hate nights like that, when you think over every mistake you’ve made, every hurt you’ve received, every bit of meanness you’ve dealt out? There’s no profit in it, no point to it, and you need sleep.” ― Sookie Stackhouse
Sleep did the trick! Everything looked better in the morning. Thanks Sookie! Happy Halloween everyone!
Florence and The Machine - Shake It Out