Foreign Shore

25 Comments Edit

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Picture 34
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Bikini Top: J. Crew Retro Dot Wide-Band Halter Top
Bikini Bottom: J. Crew Retro Dot High-Waisted Shelley Brief
Hat: Aerie
Sunglasses, Shirt and Bag: Old Navy

"With every sun that sets I am feeling more like a stranger on a foreign shore with an eroding beach disappearing from under me." - Death Cab For Cutie

This was my first trip to the beach in over 4 years. It was really weird for me after being away for such a long time. A lot has happened to me and my body over those 4 years. As my kids played in the water, I watched the young girls walk by in their tiny bikinis with their tan, fit bodies. I felt old with my pale skin and "mom bikini." It wasn't that long ago that I was one of them, now I'm one of the invisible people. Oh well, at least I've lowered my risk of skin cancer. 

I was surprised by my self-continuousness. When I received this bikini in the mail, I was so happy to have finally found one that was cute and covered up my flabby stomach, but once I got on the beach I didn't feel so cute anymore. I didn't take my cover-up off for the first hour. Eventually, I decided to stop worrying about what I looked like and just go out in the water and have a good time with my kids. So, I took that cover-up off and strutted along that beach in all my maternal glory. We got so many wonderful pictures of the kids, and I even got a compliment on my bikini! God bless that lady! 

As the sun was setting on our day at the beach, I decided to get a few pictures of myself. When we got back that night, I was really anxious about looking at them. What if I looked just as bad as I thought I did? I must admit it took some time for me to get used to seeing myself in this high-waisted style bikini. It's definitely different than the ones I used to rock back in the day. The more I looked at the pictures though, the more I liked them. My body may not be what it used to be, but it's not bad. I'm 34, I have 3 beautiful kids, I have a mediocre body, and that's good enough for me. 
   
Death Cab For Cutie - My Mirror Speaks mp3

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CONVERSATION

25 comments:

  1. dellagraceslifeSeptember 12, 2011 at 10:42 PM

    You look amazing! The pictures of you are gorgeous- I love the last one.

    So glad you had a great trip with your kids...I'm sure they'll remember having fun with you rather than what you wore for long time. (Even though I would never forget that bathing suit- so pretty!)

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  2. laurens_small_talkSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    You look great in a bikini! Glad you enjoyed the beach with your family. The beach is my favorite place-so peaceful!

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  3. MichTDSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    That picture of you under the pier is some seriously great photography. I love the way the shot is framed. And I think you look great in your retro bikini.

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  4. LemlemanSeptember 12, 2011 at 11:53 PM

    Omg you should totally be a jcrew model! The pictures are beautiful and you have a rocking body!

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  5. HannieSeptember 13, 2011 at 6:02 AM

    there is nothing mediocre about your body. You look great in this bikini. I saw many young girls in tiny bikini's who looked less fit.

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  6. Katie KislukSeptember 13, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    Oh stop! You look great ! :)

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  7. CatherineSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    Okay, you are not old for one thing! Definitely not invisible either! 30s are the prime of your life, sister! You look gorgeous in your bikini and far from mediocre. I'm 35 and feel much more comfortable in my own skin, secure with where I am at in life and just generally more relaxed than I was in my 20s.

    Bravo for posting this!

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  8. CatherineSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:54 AM

    P.S. I think you are much more comfortable in your own skin that you realize. Posting bikini shots in light of recent (ahem) "events" is a fabulous way of saying, "I don't really care" about said "events" and that you are completely happy with who you are and how you look. I'll bet your 20-year old self wasn't nearly as confident!

    Rock on, sister!

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  9. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:05 AM

    Thanks so much! I love the last photo as well. You're right, good times with my kids is what really matters.

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  10. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    Thanks! You're right, the beach is very peaceful. I used to go all the time in college and just sit on the beach and read. It's a shame I've let my body issues get in the way of going the past few years. However, it's not very peaceful with 3 kids. LOL! I was on edge the whole time they were in the water, but they had a really good time.

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  11. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Thanks! My boyfriend has some serious skills with the camera!

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  12. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Well, thanks, but I know I don't have what it takes to be a model. I just enjoy doing these little photo shoots with my boyfriend. Those J. Crew models put me to shame, but it's nice to know someone thinks I could hang.

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  13. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:16 AM

    Thanks! I don't exercise at all except maybe running around after my kids, so I'm thankful that I look as good as I do at my age. Yes, you're right I saw a lot of young girls that should have covered up more, but, naturally, I chose to focus on the ones with the banging bodies. LOL!

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  14. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:17 AM

    LOL! You girls are good for my self-esteem! Keep it coming!

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  15. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    You are so right! I was way more insecure in my 20's even though my body looked 10 times better. The 30's are awesome!

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  16. KarenSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    Fishing for compliments much?

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  17. SposeySeptember 13, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    I so envy you and I am so proud of you at the same time. You are amazing woman who has come through the fire and emerged as if a phoenix rising from the flame. (sorry for the analogy, couldn't resist. :) ) You have done what most people would never ever dare to think about. I wish I could be as brave as you in some aspects. I saw a movie last night, very late in fact, due to Stella's new found nightly ritual of waking and taunting me for hours on end in the middle of the night, called Marigold. There was a line in that movie that immediately made me think of you and then me. It was something like this, remember it was 1am, "Your family is what makes you who you are." I guess this is right in a way, however, I guess it could also be your family tries to make you who they want you to be. I have that problem myself, with trying to make myself into the personI think they want me to and then constantly failing at that. One day maybe I will get to where you are. :) Well, enough rambling. :) Carry on down this road that you have started down, because I think you are doing just fine. I remember the first time I met you, you had this closed off kind of look that I couldn't really understand and now when I see you I see this light coming from you. You are different, you are living and it is apparent. Talk with you soon. :)

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  18. Bonnie IrelandSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:16 AM

    Aw, thanks girl! I love your analogy! Phoenix's are so cool! LOL! Sorry about Stella waking up during the night - that's got to be rough. Yes, I lived my whole life trying to please my mom. I can't tell you how liberating it is to not care about her opinion anymore. I spent a long time walking around with a mask on just to make everyone else happy. It feels so good to finally be free to be myself.

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  19. hiSeptember 13, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    I never commented here. But I got to tell you--this is THE very best post I saw in your blog. You are beautiful, and I wish you feel beautiful and blessed alway.

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  20. Sherry JarwinSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:29 PM

    So first off - you have a great body! I love this suit on you! And the pale skin is "in"! I admire your courage and I am also in awe of how great you look! That retro bikini is so cool! Color and style are both awesome. Good for you that you are living.... keep on going, girl. You are an inspiration.

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  21. spiffySeptember 13, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    There are two very beautiful things that radiate in these pictures- your peace and happiness. You look so content and satisfied. As for your physical appearance, please, you look great!

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  22. ArtyPantsPHDSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    Bonnie! I'm reading your responses to these comments and the positive energy you're giving off is just spectacular. Its like you finally flipped that gloomy switch. You're GLOWING! :D
    THIS is what I think all of your followers have been waiting to see/hear/read (whatever!) from you for a LONG TIME. Girl. Good for you!

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  23. Treasurebox SaraSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    Girl, you have a bangin' bod. That's a great bikini and you look like a pin-up.

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  24. Laura MartinSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:49 PM

    You know what is most amazing about this Post Bonnie? You look natural and comfortable in every photo. I can't even bring myself to say this, but suddenly you are aware of yourself. Something has made a profound change in your attitude.It's not what you are thinking. It is purely and simply you! You are truly happy in your own skin. You made it through a rough patch. I'm not so sure others will come out looking as fantastic. I hope it stays with you until you are at least 51 and so on. Congrats on what looks like a new beginning.

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  25. djinjoeSeptember 14, 2011 at 11:24 PM

    Bonnie, I think you look fantastic!!! I'm so glad you posted these photos and I have to say I see a lot more natural smiles sneaking into your photos lately and I think they look fantastic on you too.

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