"Oh tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with all my heart." - Mumford and Sons
I'm in a dark place right now. I didn't blog last night, and I even thought about taking a break from blogging for a little while. I feel like writing tonight, though, so here I am. I figured I could continue to wallow in self-pity, or I could pick myself up and make an effort to rejoin the living. So, this is my first step forward.
I'd like to talk about addictions. It seems that alot of us are trying to fill some kind of void in our lives through addictions. As you all know, I struggle with a shopping addiction and some other more personal ones that I won't get into here. I have several friends who are struggling with addictions right now as well. What are we missing in our lives that causes us to act out on these compulsive behaviors? I thought I was a strong person and that I didn't have an addictive personality. I smoked in high school and college, but when I decided that I wanted to quit, I quit, no problem. I've never done drugs or drank excessive alcohol, but it seems even I have my vices. I'm going through some serious withdrawal right now, and it isn't pretty. I placed an order at Anthropologie last night. I instantly felt guilty. Then today, I had another weak moment, and I did something I regret now. It guess acting out on my complusions isn't helping anymore. So, now I'm depressed. Of course, my mom would say that the void in my life is Jesus. Maybe she's right, but I'm not feeling that's the answer for me right now. I have a friend who is battling alcohol addiction. She just got back from rehab a few weeks ago. She had a weak moment yesterday and binged out on some beer. It seems we all have our weak moments.
I'm not asking for advice. I'm just using this blog to think out loud, and let other people who may be battling an addiction know that they are not alone. I'm sure I will still get comments giving me advice, and I appreciate it, but I just want you to know that I'm not crying out for help here. I've got to figure this thing out on my own. It may take awhile, but I'm determined to be happy again. Ok, enough of the depressing stuff, let's talk about clothes.
I'm wearing my new favorite jeans today. Pilcro is quickly becoming my favorite brand of jeans. I have 4 pairs now. My top is the Ascending Roses Top that just went on sale this week for only $30. I highly recommend this top. It's so soft and comfy. A male co-worker this morning said that I had that old 70's style going on. I said, "Yeah, I love the 70's." He said, "All you need is a flower in your hair." I said, "Check it, I do, AND a braid", and then I gave him the peace sign and walked away. LOL! It was the brightest moment of my day. Hey, I'll take what I can get.
Today's song is "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons. I love me some Mumford and Sons. I had to go get some blood drawn today, and I was screaming this song on the way there. I have a bad habit lately of screaming songs in the car. What can I say, I'm passionate about my music. The guy who drew my blood was really nice. I like nice people. There are not many left. He asked me if I was related to Kathy Ireland. I said no. Then he said that I could be because I looked like a model. Aww, I love you "man who drew my blood."
I'm not going to have much of a weekend. I've taken alot of time off work this week, so I will be working tomorrow. Oh, happy day! At least I won't have to deal with people. I'll be posting the details of my giveaway later tonight. Some good news for a change! So, stay tuned for that!
Top: Anthropologie Ascending Roses Top
Jeans: Pilcro High-Rise Flares
Shoes: Anthropologie Raines Heels
Hair Pin: Anthropologie
Ring: The Limited
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Hi Bonnie, glad to see you blogging today. I look forward to your daily posts and pictures, so I'm glad you're back. I do hope you feel better and find what it is you're looking for. I have battled/am battling my fair share of addictions/compulsions, so I can relate. And I definitely agree that you need to find YOUR way to battle it/get over it and figure it out on your own. That's the only way it's ever worked for me. All the best, S.
ReplyDeleteyou know i had an addiction moment yesterday too. so i have been checking out this lace top at anthro and kim at anthroholic did a review of it. i couldn't sleep all night because i wanted it. i was ready to place the order. then i prayed and i prayed to get rid of my addiction....slowly the top was leaving my mind. i decided to check out the top at the store and you know what....i had restraint and didn't buy it. i don't want to sound preachy and i don't want to question your faith, faith is a personal relationship with God. i really want to tell you that i enjoy reading your blog. don't be depressed. we are blessed with so much, even over bearing parents...:) at least we know people care, right? stay happy and beautiful...and keep reviewing your clothes (but with restraint of course:)
ReplyDeleteHang in there Bonnie. Wow this post really touched me so. I too struggle with an addiction and I'm not sure what type of void I'm trying to fill -- loneliness, isolation. I consider myself a pretty lucky woman, but somehow there is a nagging feeling somewhere. I managed to curtail most of it and now think logically, but there are some weak moments. I hear you.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better. Your outfit is gorgeous. I tried on the same top and it did not look half as good on me.
Hi Bonnie,
ReplyDeleteI love your outfits, and always check your blog everyday. This is my first time commenting. Yesterday, I didn't see your posting, and got worried about you. I have a little kiddo, and suffer with depression since my boy was born (it has been more than 4 years). I see my therapist regularly, and it helps a lot. My therapist suggested a book called Feeling Good by David Burns. She pointed out that only to get the handbook, and I can totally relate to what it says on the book to my feelings. I am also craving about cute clothes, and keep on buying them. It seems never will stop. I still try to find enjoyments in my life, and getting cute clothing is my only enjoyment right now. I think life is short, and I just need to try to find a way to enjoy every moment, and do what I want. One off topic question, I went to store today to look for Pilcro jeans, and the store only carries dark green. Are yours light blue or green? They look really great on you. I also got the springing season blouse after seeing them on you during your DC trip. The whole outfit totally rocks! Thank you! Hope you will enjoy your weekend (maybe do something different will help you enjoy it more..that's how my therapist suggested, and hope this will help).
I love your 70's vibe! On a side note-I struggle with an addiction as well and it sure is hard. Nothing in this life worth achieving is easy, right? So I hope you can forgive yourself for the slip-ups and continue to do what you need to get better! I know you to be a strong woman who is fully capable of of winning any battle, sometimes I think you sell yourself short!
ReplyDeleteanother side note-you are beautiful and could be a model!
I really do need to find these jeans--love this look!
ReplyDeleteHi Bonnie
ReplyDeleteDon't feel too guilty about your anthro purchase online. You can return them later, or if you really like them, keep them but make sure you keep wearing them so you get your money worth:)
Most women like to look good, so it is normal to want to add constantly to our wardrobe. Many of us are in the same boat.
You don't have to feel guilty about masturbation... i'm just sayin'. it's not a big deal.
ReplyDeleteS: Thanks for your comments. It's nice to hear someone say that I don't need drugs, Jesus, or therapy. LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnon@6:55: I'm sorry you had your own weak moment, but it's great that you were able to work through it. I don't think I've learned how to fully do that yet, but I'm getting there.
Margarett: I'm so glad this post spoke to you. I think it helps when we know we are not alone. Sorry the top didn't work on you.
Julia: Thanks for sharing your story. It really does help to hear about others struggles. I will check out that book. My jeans are light blue.
Maven: Thanks for the positive words!
truthandshoes: Thanks! These jeans are great!
Miin: Thanks for making me feel better about my weak moment!
Anon@7:55: You're soooo funny...for a third grader.