"Sorrow found me when I was young. Sorrow waited, sorrow won." - The National

What a day. Just when you think your life is going in one direction, you hit a wall - hard. I had a great weekend. I woke up this morning feeling great. I even got to work early. Then I started feeling that old familiar feeling of panic creeping in, and I knew I was getting ready to have a panic attack. It was awful! My whole body started burning and I felt like I needed to start running somewhere, anywhere. I tried walking around the building, but it didn't help. The feelings just kept getting worse until it seemed like I wasn't going to be able to take it anymore. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year, so I no longer keep Xanax on me. I knew I needed something to calm me down, so I got a Klonopin from a co-worker. While I waited for it to kick in, I just sat at my desk and cried. I tried to call my mom, but she didn't have her phone with her. I called my sister, no answer. I felt so alone. A few mintues went by and then my phone rang. It was my sister. I told her I was having a panic attack, and she said she was on her way. We sat in her car outside in the parking lot. We had a good talk, and I started feeling better, so I went back to work and did my best to finish out the day. As I type this, I'm feeling very depressed and alone. Like any sickness, no matter how many people you have to talk to about things, this is something you and you alone are experiencing. I feel lost. I just want to feel good again. I'm hoping for a better day tomorrow.

We've gotten a little snow today, so my husband got off work early. I left work early as well, so we had a little time just before it got dark to take some pictures outside. Taking pictures, especially outdoor ones, makes me happy. So, I was determined to take some, no matter what my mood. Yes, I'm wearing the same sweater and belt I wore Friday. I was inspired by Carol to winterize my white Beda dress, and I thought this sweater and belt looked really good with it. Freezing rain was starting to come down as we took these pictures. It is suppose to continue into the night. Should make for an interesting commute to work in the morning.

I've been asleep and just woke up and started typing this. I haven't eaten dinner. In fact, I haven't been eating much at all lately. I should have seen that as a sign. I don't get hungry when I'm anxious or depressed. I hope this is a short-lived episode, and I will be back to my old self again soon.

The song of the day is by the great band The National. I saw these guys live a few months ago and they were fantastic. The name of this song is Sorrow and according to the lead singer, "it's a weird celebration of feeling sorrow... some people like that feeling and they don't want to get rid of it." I'm trying to look on the bright side of feeling sorrow and know that I must be going through this for a reason. Thanks for reading! Have a good night!

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Dress: Anthropologie Beda Dress

Sweater: Anthropologie Hiking Ruffles Cardigan

Belt: Anthropologie Ribbon Path Belt

Tights: Anthropologie Cockle Shell Tights

Shoes: Anthropologie Brass and Band Booties

Hat: Anthropologie Bonbon Bow Cloche



  1. Bonnie, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so down these days! If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me at

    You look so pretty in your photos and I hope you have a better, brighter day tomorrow.

  2. I know exactly how it feels to have anxiety and panic attacks, and depression. You are not alone, which it sometimes feels like you are. Not many people truly understand what it feels like. Please be careful taking xanax, its very addictive, which I unfortunately found out. Please, please, please take care of yourself. We all know that it will pass, and we will have better days ahead! Oh, by the way, you looked adorable today! :)

  3. Dear Bonnie, I hope you'll start feeling better soon - panic attacks are awful awful. I have them myself. Bonnie, I am so sorry that you're going through this - just try to remember that it'll all pass eventually (I know that's not what anyone wants to here, but trust me, it is the truth .... you have to get worse to get better, right?)

    You look so beautiful and genuine in your pictures, Bonnie - tired, fragile, perhaps, but determinded. I love that! You go, girl! Like Chrissy, I'm going to offer my email to you in case you'd ever like to chat about panic attacks or anything else. I'm at I have bipolar and used to get those nasty panic attacks in college where I'd have an attack in the middle of a parking lot .... that's another story. In other words, I can empathize with what your going through, Bonnie, and if you need to vent or rant or just talk, please that me up on it. :)

  4. I have a touch of anxiety/depression myself. I hope you feel like yourself up Bonnie!

  5. Hi Bonnie - I love your styling. I am going to do a white dress one myself for Wednesday. Also, inspired by Carol - and now YOU! I am not sure I want folks to know my story - I have one that covers about 40 years. Feel free to email me - and I will reach out to you.

    Girls Day Out

  6. Bonnie Stay Strong........I Believe In being Strong when Everything seems to be going wrong. I Believe that Happy Girls are the prettiest Girls.I Believe That Tomorrow is another Day, And I Believe In Miracles.....Audrey Hepurn

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  8. I hope that today is a better day for you Bonnie :)

    I'm so glad that you and Carol decided to winterize your white Beda Dresses! Your look turned out great and I love the dusting of snow in the background with the white dress!

  9. Hi Bonnie,
    Thanks for doing this post/pictures even through you are not feeling well. I hope you feel better soon. Rest up. Your dress and cardi combo came out very nice as well.

  10. Bonnie, I hope you feel better soon. Panic attacks are so scary. I'm glad your sister was able to get to you and sit with you until you felt you could return to your office.

    On another note, your pictures are great! You, Carol and Sara are all inspiring me to try and winterize some of my favorite summer Anthro dresses!


  11. Hi Bonnie

    Remember you have us readers who are supporting you. We can't reach out to you in person, but we are there praying for you. You can just write in your blog, and we will pray, no matter which part of the world we are in.

    Hang on, it's ok, you have your healthy body, and your family. That's most important.

    Perhaps it's all just due to the recent uproar that upset you. It's over, people will say but forget. No one will remember it or kick a big fuss after that. It's not life and death, so heck about it.

    Take care.

  12. Chrissy: Thanks so much! That means alot! I will definitely be contacting you in the future.

    Kerri: Thanks for the encouraging words. Don't worry about the Xanax. I only take it when I absolutely need it. That's why I hadn't taken any in so long.

    Thirteenlbs: Thanks!

    Mandy: Thanks so much! I will definitely contact you to talk in the future.

    Tracy D: Thanks, I hope you feel better too!

    Sherry: Thanks! I'm going to send you an email. Also, I'm going to start following your blog. Can't wait to see the white dress!

    Anon: Thanks for the encouraging words!

    Saskia: I read your post. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Sara: Thank you! I've been meaning to winterize this dress but kept forgeting about it, but when I saw how fabulous Carol looked in hers the other day, I knew I had to wear mine immediately! LOL! You've been sporting some warmer weather colors yourself lately. I'm lovin' it!

    Cosmo cowgirl: Thanks! Doing the pictures actually made me feel better.

    AP: Thank you. You should definitely do the summer dress in winter thing. It's fun!

    Miin: You are too sweet! Thank you so much for the kind words. They gave me comfort.

  13. I am sorry to hear yesterday was such a rough day for you. I have never experienced a panic attack and it just sounds awful!

    I also wanted to let you know that I look forward to reading you blog every day to see what outfit you come up with. Love the Hiking Ruffles Cardi! I hope you are doing better today. :)


  14. Hi Bonnie,

    I am sorry to hear what a difficult day you had. While I have my own issues they are mostly to do with physical pain so I can't exactly relate to the panic attacks but please, please know that you are not alone. You have a community of people here who really do care about you. You show your true, vulnerable self in your blog and that is one of the reasons I read it everyday. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    I also have to mention that I love the outfit combo, I would have never thought you could winterize the Beda dress but I think it looks fantastic.

  15. I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks- I only had one in my life while in college, it was really scary.
    I do want to say though that I love those booties :)

  16. Hi Bonnie,
    Long time reader (but first time commenter) here! I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack and hope you're feeling better. Also, just wanted to say I love your blog, which is by far my favorite Anthro-themed one out there. Not only are your photos stunning and possess that ethereal, moody look of photos from the Anthro catalogue, but I really appreciate your openness and how you come across as a genuine and interesting (and uncontrived) person. Also, your music choices are awesome! In fact, despite our differences (i.e., I have no kids, live in a big city, etc.) I feel like we would be good friends if we met in real life! Hope that didn't come off as creepy... :P
    Anyways, just wanted to let you know how much I love your blog, and hope you don't give it up anytime soon!


  17. Hi Bonnie
    Hope you are feeling better soon! Your pictures are gorgoeus. Best wishes
    I hope you are able to do something nice for your self so you feel better( I know it is not easy when you have a family;)

  18. Sharon: Thanks! I love this sweater too! It's my new favorite. In fact, I have it on again today! LOL!

    Deanna: Thanks so much for those kind words. It's comforting to know there are people are there that understand.

    spiffy: Thanks! I'm glad you have only had to experience once. I love these booties too! I've worn them much more than I thought I would.

    Jen: Aww! You are so sweet! I think we would be good friends IRL too. I'm so happy your digging the music. I haven't gotten alot of feedback on that new feature, so it's good to know some people are enjoying it. Maybe we can meet up one day!

    ali: Thanks! Yeah, it's hard to do those little things that make you happy when you're busy waiting on little ones, but I'm going to try and make the time.


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