Shoes: Anthropologie Zaca Heels
Ring: Lucky Brand
"She sees them walking in a straight line. That's not really her style. And they all got the same heartbeat but hers is falling behind." - Echosmith
Well, here I am wearing the dress that everyone and their sister has blogged about. This dress is one popular little number and for good reason. It's both beautiful and comfortable. It also transitions well from Summer to Fall. Oh, and most importantly, it makes me want to break out into random twirls throughout the day while singing The Sound of Music.
I must admit, though. I'm kinda jealous of this little dress's ability to be loved by the masses. I've never been one of the cool kids. If you read the comments on my last blog post then you know that I managed to piss off one of the last people who comments regularly on this here old blog. Only I could get into an argument with a reader while averaging 2 posts a month and even less comments. To say I'm not a "people person" is a bit of an understatement.
For example, take my number of followers over there on the right hand side. I have had around 360 of them for the past 3 years. That number has not budged in 3 fucking years! It's crazy, especially when you consider that I still average about 400 hits a day even with my pitiful amount of postings. I know people are looking, but they sure as hell ain't following.
It's not like a want lots of followers for the more common reasons like monetization and free stuff. Although, I'm not gonna lie that sure would be nice. I've got a pair of free glasses coming my way just for being a blogger, and you would think I had won the damn lottery because I'm so excited about it. Free stuff is all well and good, but I have more humble and corny reasons for wishing that follower number would budge a little. Put simply, I just want to be loved. I mean, isn't that what we all want, really?
I look at my kids, and I see that their main motivation for doing anything is to get approval from me and their father. "Look at this, mommy!" is probably one of the most uttered phrases in my household. I don't hear it as much from my 12 year old these days, and I guess that's the way it's suppose to be. As we get older, we should require less and less validation from others, but I believe for most of us, no matter how old we get or how hard we try to suppress it, the need to be excepted never completely goes away.
I'm reminded of this as I get ready to host my very first Halloween Party. I've always wanted to throw a Halloween party but have been too scared of the inevitable rejection that comes with either no one showing up or no one enjoying it. This year, though, I said "Fuck it!", and invited 60 people to my house for a Halloween Bash. The party is tomorrow, and I have 4 confirmed guests. 4. I'm trying to look at the bright side... At least it's not 0, and my hostess duties will be much less stressful. However, it's hard not to get discouraged when you can't even bribe people to hang out with you with the promise of free booze.
I'm trying to tell myself, though, that it's not always about me. I need to stop taking things so personally. Most of these people have kids, and it is Halloween after all. Some have to work. Some probably just don't like me, and that's okay. Life isn't all about being popular. Quality over quantity is my motto where friends are concerned. The important thing is that I don't let my insecurities keep me in the shadows like they did for so long. I need to keep putting myself out into the world, and if the world doesn't appreciate what I have to give then that's the world's problem not mine.