Sunny

Dress: Anthropologie Smocked Malee Dress

Ring: The Limited

Sunflowers: My Garden

 

"If you need to you can get away from the sun, you can get away from the sun." - Unknown Mortal Orchestra

 

I made a conscious decision a few years ago to stay out of the sun. Prior to that decision, I had been somewhat of a sun worshipper. I mean I wasn't tanerexic or anything like that, but I did make an effort to keep a pretty good tan. When I was younger, I would lay out for hours in the yard. Here I am on my 20th birthday:

Ok, so maybe I was a little bit tanerexic.

 As I got older it became increasingly difficult to find the time to get my sun the old fashioned way, so I began forking over the money to lay in a tanning bed. This is pretty much how I got my sun for many years except, of course, during my pregnancies. There's was no way in Hell I was going to be pasty white AND fat, so I made time to lay out in the sun when I was with child. Each weekend, I would set aside a few hours to squeeze my pregnant ass into a bikini and bask in the sun in my back yard. In fact, I laid out during my last pregnancy up until my 9th month. Here's the proof:

Styling and Profiling Until the End

It's hard to believe, but my boobs actually looked small compared to my belly.

So, why did I make the decision to stop tanning after going through so much trouble for so many years? The simple answer: I'm too old for that shit. For one, it takes a lot of time and effort, and I've been pretty short on both of those since having my third child and turning 30. Also, it's kinda bad for your skin, and, you know, I think about those kind of things now that I'm a "responsible adult..." Yeah right, who am I kidding? I'm just too damn lazy and tired to get a tan these days. The only bed I lay in is the King-sized one in my bedroom, and I'm usually accompanied by some pretty tasty junk food. I've become that thing I feared six years ago - pasty white and fat. Oh, and I can add old to the list now since I'm approaching 40. 

Adding insult to injury is my place of residence. It's tough not having a tan in a Southern coastal community. I try to embrace my paleness and tell myself that my skin is much healthier now, but nothing makes me feel less sexy than seeing my blinding white, you-can-see-every-fucking-hair-follicle legs next to a pair of sun-kissed tanned ones. I know what you are going to say - self tanner. Been there, doing that. I put it on every day, but I have to use the real subtle ones, because the darker ones make me look like a Oompa Loompa. The only answer, really, is to get a tan, but I'm determined not to go back to the "dark" side.

I've got to start excepting that I'm not going to look like I did 10 or even 5 years ago and that's a good thing. My looks may be going down hill, but I'm gaining so many other things - more important things. Instead of getting oiled up and laying out on the beach, I'm slapping on sun screen and running down that beach with my little ones who are squealing with delight at the ocean waves. Instead of spending 30 minutes in a tanning bed each day, I'm spending that time in the bed with Jerry (just cuddling...get your mind out of the gutter). In other words, I'm choosing to get my sunshine in other places, and while it may not tan my body, it sure does warm my heart.