Top: Spool 72 Apple Picking Tee
Jeans: AE Jeggings
Boots: Frye Paige Tall Riding Boots
Earrings: Anthropologie Cloudburst Earrings
"I'm washed up, washed out." - Hot Chip
This outfit is not my normal color scheme for this time of the year. I usually lean toward more earthy tones, especially in the Fall and Winter. It just sorta came together like this when I was getting dressed that morning. I was inspired to pull out this floral baseball tee because a co-worker had worn a floral tee to work the day before. From there, I built the outfit around the colors in the tee. I had a good chuckle before I walked out the door as I glanced over at my bedside table and saw the following photo on the cover of the Anthropologie catalog I had been perusing the night before:
It would seem I got some inspiration, albeit subconsciously, from another source.
The color scheme might also stem from my mood lately, as I've been feeling a bit washed out. I'm really just disgusted with everything about myself. I'm tired of looking at this same old face in the mirror, I'm sick of dealing with my frizzy hair, but, most of all, I'm depressed about my fat, flabby body. I look so freaking fat in these pictures and that's because I am fat. Well, ok, technically I'm not overweight. I'm at the upper end of my ideal BMI, but I'm not happy with the way I look. My weight situation is very puzzling to me, because even though I haven't changed my eating or exercise habits, I've gained about 10 pounds since last year. Oh, and lest you think I actually have some legit eating and exercise habits, let me set you straight, I don't. I've always pretty much eaten whatever I wanted and not exercised. I know, I know, that's not good for me, but would you diet and exercise if you didn't have to?
Maybe it's old age catching up with me, or maybe it's my pesky thyroid. You see, I have issues with my thyroid, mainly that it doesn't work right. Lately, I'm constantly having to change the dosage on my thyroid medication because my levels will go from normal to way out of wack again. Even more bizarrely, my levels can go in either direction, sometimes I'm hypo and sometimes I'm hyper. Oh, and I should mention that there's nothing physically wrong with my thyroid itself. It just mysteriously doesn't function properly.
I was around the weight I am now 4 years ago when I first found out that my thyroid levels were way off. During this same time period, I started having horrible anxiety attacks. I ended up dropping 10 pounds while struggling through all that, but, strangely, I never gained that weight back until this past year. I even tried to gain some weight back when I first lost it, because I was struggling with hypochondria and was afraid I was dying of cancer. No matter what I did the past 4 years, I stayed around the same weight. Fast forward to today, and the weight is piling on like the leaves in my back yard.
The anxiety, my weight, and my thyroid do all seem to be connected, but I'm just not sure exactly how, and my doctors don't really know either. It's frustrating. I had my blood drawn 2 weeks ago, and my thyroid was off yet again. This time it was a dose decrease. I guess all I can do is take my prescribed dosage, eat better, and get off my ass every once in awhile. I may not lose the weight, but it certainly can't hurt any, especially given that we are just starting the holiday eating season. Meanwhile, I will do my best to take a cue from the holidays and be thankful for what I do have, even if that includes a big fat booty.