Dress: Anthropologie Dynamic Zigs Dress - Size M
Shoes: Lucky Brand Randy Sandal
Jewelry: The Limited
"The clover under your feet is shooting stars in the night. The people under your feet are shooting stars in the night. The people, all that you meet, they're living in a dreamworld." - Rilo Kiley
I've had the worst sinus headache the past 2 days. The kind that no pain medicine would touch. I went home for lunch yesterday and ended up just staying in bed the rest of the day. Unfortunately, I was in so much pain that I didn't sleep well. Also, it probably didn't help any that I had horrible dreams. I don't remember most of them, but there was one that woke me up in the middle of the night. I was so distraught that I woke Jerry up and told him about it. It's so weird how we only remember our dreams for a short period of time after we wake. I would have never remembered this one if I hadn't recounted it right after I had it.
In the dream, I was trying desperately to get a hold of Jerry. I went to call him, but his icon was no longer on my phone. I dialed his number the old fashioned way, but I just got his voicemail. I left a desperate message telling him to call me as soon as possible. Then, I called all his friends to see if they knew where he was. They didn't. I went to work and looked for him there, but I couldn't find him. I sat at my desk and cried. I was so distraught. I just needed to see him and talk to him so bad. I got up from my desk and went into the lunch room, except it wasn't the lunch room. It was the cafeteria from my high school. There were all these people mingling and talking. Then, I spotted him. Jerry was one of the people. I ran up to him with tears in my eyes and told him that I had been trying to get up with him. He just gave me this cold look and said, "So?" I said, "I really need to talk to you. Can we go out in the hall and talk?" He reluctantly said yes and with a hint of exasperation in his voice told the person he was talking to that they would have to continue their conversation later. Once in the hallway, I took his hands and told him that I had missed him terribly and just needed to see him and tell him about my day. He looked at me with pity in his eyes and said, "Look, I've met someone else. I don't want to see you anymore." Then, a girl walked up, he took her by the hand, and they walked off together, laughing. It was the worst feeling ever and then I woke up. I remember thinking as my mind came back to reality, "I wonder if this is how his ex-wife felt."
It seems we spend our whole lives searching for that thing or person that will make us happy. We endlessly buy things, participate in activities, and look to other people to fulfill our needs. Of course, my mom would say I just need Jesus. Maybe she's right. I don't profess to have all the answers. What I do know is that I didn't feel truly alive until Jerry came into my life. Clearly, I still harbor feelings of guilt over the way things went down. I find myself wishing we could have fallen in love under better circumstances. However, I know that all the experiences we've been through in life led us to the happiness we have found in each other today. I understand that people change and hearts change. I think a lot of people walk around in their own dreamworld, afraid to face the reality of their situation. I know I did for a long time. If there is one thing that I have learned through my experience it's that reality is better. So, what if this dream became a reality and Jerry did find happiness in someone else? Yes, it would hurt really bad, but, in the end, I would be happy for him. I know if the situation were reversed he would feel the same way for me.

Rilo Kiley - Dreamworld
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