Simple Outfit, Simple Advice

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Top: Anthropologie Attic Treasures Tank - Size S
Jeans: Gap Outlet - Size 8
Shoes: Gap Outlet
Earrings: Tree and Kimble
Ring: The Limited

"Said it's a mean old world, heavy in need. That big machine is just a-picking up steam. They were supping on tears. They were supping on wine. We all get to heaven in our own sweet time. So come on you Asheville boys and turn up your old time noise and kick until the dust comes up from the cracks in the floor. Singing, hard times ain't gonna rule my mind, brother." - Gillian Welch

Well, this outfit is about as simple as it gets: knit top, jeans, and sandals. Of course, I'm sure someone will find something wrong with it. The top is too sheer, or the jeans are too tight, or the sandals are too cutesy. Most likely, a few of these people will let me know in no uncertain terms what they think about this outfit, and some will even venture to tell me what they think about me personally. Never mind that I spent 2 hours writing and pouring out my soul on a topic that's important to me. Never mind that they don't even know me personally, No, they choose to ignore the heart of my post and, instead, focus on my saggy boobs or my horrible character. They choose to take away my joy under the pretense of helping me or defending others' honor. I call bullshit.

When I was living in Durham, I went to a couple of hockey games. Keep in mind, I am not a big hockey fan. It frustrates me. All that work, and hardly anybody ever scores. I don't like soccer for that same reason. Now, basketball is a different story, but I digress. I went to a couple of hockey games, not because I like hockey but because my friends were going, so I decided to tag along. The thing that struck me the most on both occasions was the crowd's behavior. It was so bizarre to me. Basically, everyone just sat around and talked while the game was going on. It seemed more like a social event to me than a sporting event. I thought to myself, "Why in the hell did all these people pay all this money to see a hockey game when they are not even paying attention." Well, about 30 minutes later the answer came. A fight broke out on the ice, and all of a sudden, everyone jumped out of their seats and started cheering like a bunch of crazies. "Ah ha," I thought, "that's what everyone comes for - the fights."

I guess it's just human behavior to focus on the negative, to get caught up in the drama. Lord knows, I'm guilty of it myself. Things have certainly gotten quiet around here since I started implementing stricter moderation policies and focusing on more positive posts. I found it really interesting that yesterday's guest post on such an inspirational and uplifting topic received a total of 1 comment. Why do we find it so hard to lift each other up? Why do we instead choose to tear each other down?

The simple answer: baggage. We, as human beings, each bring our own fucked up shit (aka baggage) into a situation. In other words, we've all had things happen to us in the past that have shaped who we are right now. This effects the way we react to our environment and other people. In addition, the hard times we've had in life seem to have more influence on us than the good ones. The more of these hard times you've had, the more likely you are to hold bitterness in your heart. However, there are some exceptions to the rule. There are those people who have been through hell and back again but have come out of it with a more compassionate spirit. These are the people I admire. These are the people I strive to be more like.

I got a comment today that said I was a horrible human being who destroyed and ruined people's lives and that I was despised by many. I've gotten comments like this in the past and reading them was akin to having a knife stabbed into my heart, but today, for the first time, I felt different. I'm at peace with my decisions in life. I know without a shadow of a doubt they were the right ones for me. I realized that this person doesn't have any idea who I am or what's in my heart. I know that they are lashing out because of something that has nothing to do with me. They've been through something in their past, and instead of defending myself or lashing back at them, I have chosen to have compassion on them. Don't let the hard times rule your mind, brother. They're not gonna rule mine no more.

Gillian Welch - Hard Times



  1. Don't let them get to you! When someone insults another person, the insult says more about the "insulter" than the recipient of the insult. It usually projects their own demons, bad attributes, insecurities, or what they hate about themselves(but won't admit).

  2. Making fun of your clothes is so 2011. Let's talk about your grammar instead: "I have chosen to have compassion on them."?

  3. Sue, instead of editing Bonnie's grammar, perhaps you might turn the mirror toward yourself and edit your attitude instead.

  4. I'm not really sure what's wrong with that sentence, Sue. You have proved my point, though.

  5. I'm not letting it get to me, Kate. I'm just explaining where I'm at in my head right now.

    I totally agree with what you have said here.

  6. Well said, Bonnie! I cannot agree more!

  7. I think she is referring to "compassion 'for' them" not "compassion 'on' them", not the "chose/have chosen" part. I am not trying to criticize, just trying to clarify.

  8. You should also be careful not to judge your readers. I didn't agree with some of the perspective in yesterday's post, but thought it might help one person, somewhere, who was struggling with a very difficult time. So I didn't comment not because it was such a great positive post that wasn't an exciting enough, but because I know how to edit myself so that I don't effect others negatively.

  9. The mob mentality thing has always been very disturbing to me. I don't understand it either, Bonnie. I hope you will continue to delete the negative comments. Sorry I've been MIA lately. I've been entrenched in a whole lot of hard stuff of late. I do always look forward to reading your blog posts. I'll try to be better about commenting. Feedback is always nice, I know!

    This is my kind of outfit! Casual, romantic and comfortable!

  10. I'm sorry you have so many people giving you such a hard time. Sounds like they have a little too much time on their hands if you ask me. Who has time to scrutinize someone's blog for grammar errors or to come up with hurtful criticisms? Perhaps they should look into doing something more productive with their time.

    I don't know you, but love your personal style and that is why I continue to follow your blog. Keep a good attitude and just think about how all that negative energy comes back full circle and just smile. :)

    Your blogger friend,


  11. We must live our own lives and not criticize others. Who can stand up to the harsh light that we shed on others that we don't shed on ourselves. Glad you are happy with your choices, cause that is what really matters.

  12. I don't know fashio...I'm just some guy who looks in occasionally is all...but this outfit is *sexy* as hell. Woooo!

  13. I just wanted to comment on Jerry photography....nice work, you have a great eye!

  14. He does have a great eye, if I do say so myself. Thanks for noticing!

  15. I love what you said here. It took me 35 years to come to that conclusion, but I couldn't agree more.

  16. Thanks, Jennifer! I checked out your blog. Love it, adding it to my blog roll!

  17. Oh no! I'm sorry things have been difficult lately. I hope they get better real soon! I really missed your insight on my posts, and you are so right: positive feedback is so important. Sometimes I feel like quitting this blogging thing, but the positive feedback keeps me going and reminds me why I'm doing it in the first place. Thanks for the support and kind words.

  18. Yes, it was the "on them" part I was commenting on, Bonnie. You've proven my point also!


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