Dress: J Crew Softspun Sunset Dress - Size Small
Sweater: Anthropologie Midnight's Spring Cardigan - Size Medium
Boots: Steve Madden Candence Boots - Size 9
Flower Hair Pin: Anthropologie
"I never learned to count my blessings. I choose instead to dwell in my disasters. Will I always feel this way, so empty, so estranged? Lay your blouse across the chair. Let fall the flowers from your hair and kiss me with that country mouth so plain." - Ray Lamontagne
This was the first Christmas since my separation. I expected the worse but hoped for the best. It went really well, better than I could have hoped for, actually. It was the best Christmas I have had in years. Last year, I had nothing in my stocking. This year it was full of all kinds of goodies courtesy of my love. I think the man is trying to fatten me up with all the chocolate he gave me, or he could have known that I would need it to get through this week without my kids. I dropped them off with their dad on Sunday afternoon and have been coming down from my Christmas high ever since.
I've been doing my best to stay busy, but last night I had some down time and my mind got the better of me. It's like I get so sad and miss my kids and then my mind comes up with things to torture me. I had planned on blogging, but after looking at these pictures, I just didn't feel up to it. I decided that I hated my nose. I spent most of the night Googling images of noses trying to find someone who had a nose like mine. I came up empty. Apparently, I have the strangest nose ever. In most light, it looks completely normal, but in certain light, it looks completely crazy. I mean, look at it in the third picture up there. It looks like it wants to be a cute little nose, but then there's that big, bulbous (I hate that word) tip, and what is up with the dent in the middle of it? I mean, I've always known the dent was there, but never really thought it was noticiable until I saw this picture. I couldn't find a single nose on the internets that had a big 'ole dent in it like mine. I felt myself becoming really depressed about it. Jerry noticed that I was down and asked me what was wrong. I told him, and of course, he said that he loved my nose. It was a sweet thing to say but didn't make me feel any better, so I went to sleep feeling really down about myself.
With the dawn of a new day came a more positive state of mind. I woke up and decided to be thankful for my nose, dent and all. I told myself that I should be happy that I've got one and that it works. I also thought about Jerry's words the night before. He really does love my nose and was not just giving me lip service. His words were not something I should have just brushed aside. He loves me despite my flaws inside and out, and who, having that kind of love, could be sad? It may not be the most ideal nose, but I'm gonna love it anyway. Besides, I've got enough people hating on me without hating on myself.
Ray LaMontagne - Empty
Posts
I do so love your nose. I wouldn't say I love you in spite of your flaws. It's our flaws that make us who we are. I love you because of your flaws.
ReplyDeleteA person that really hates how they look does not post pictures of themself on the internet. Also, Jerry may love your looks, but he's going to tire of the insecurity. You seem to be old enough to accept yourself for who you are. Obsessing about one's nose seems like quite a teenager thing to do.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great color for you! Love the combo and I have that flower clip in a different color. :) I had a mopey, introspective Christmas for various reasons, so I can relate. Here's to new beginnings!
ReplyDeleteStop criticizing yourself! There is nothing wrong with your nose or any of your features. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's hard being divorced and having to share special days like Christmas---I know, I'm divorced and hate having to ship my son back and forth. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it really just gets less strange. Hang in there, you will make it through. And stop torturing yourself about your looks. You are very pretty! :)
Nice Concern-Trolling, Kty. Going out of your way to post bitchy comments on people's blogs seems like quite a teenager thing to do.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, wear those boots some more, I don't think we've seen them enough!
ReplyDeleteHey Bonnie! I'm glad to hear you got spoilt for Christmas! It's always lovely to be pleasantly surprised! If you want a bright side, you could always scoff your new chocky stash, then you'll be so worried about the enormous pimple that appears on your chin, that you'll forget all about your nose!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, we all have our flaws, and they really don't matter that much! Chances are that noone else would even notice many of them, unless they are picking at ours, because they are so insecure themselves. I wouldn't have even noticed your nose bumps until you pointed it out, and then I couldn't help but giggle! If I blogged, I'd point out my weird ears! You'll just have to take my word for it!
I hope you see the "tongue in cheek" tone to this reply too - its not another critical post - just a "friend" having a laugh with you, and hoping you feel chirpier soon! :)
You have lovely skin! and the flower pin is so cute.
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't a bitchy comment. I was saying that she should accept herself as she is. Its one of the more wonderful parts about growing up. She has a person who thinks she is beautiful and who, I'm sure, is not interested in hearing herself put herself down about some small and unchangeable flaw. Its one thing to self-reflect and decide to become more [responsible, generous, patient, hard-working, etc], but to obsess over one's nose (that they've had on their face for 20+ years) seems counterproductive and annoying.
ReplyDeleteYou are way too hard on yourself! Nobody notices stuff like that, Bonnie! Seriously, relax, realize you are beautiful, perceived flaws and all. Hope you have a great New Year's planned!
ReplyDeleteI think you and Felicia Day have almost the same nose:
ReplyDeletehttp://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1286499609p5/3440476.jpg
After 9/11, kids in my high school made fun of my middle eastern nose (among other things). It made me hate myself so much, and for years I comforted myself by imagining I'd get a nose job as soon as I became a "grown-up" and could afford it. Well, now that I am a "grown-up," I've realized that I actually LOVE my nose. So what if it isn't a tiny Barbie doll nose -- who decided Barbie is the epitome of pretty anyway? My nose reflects my background, my family, my lineage. I love who I am, where I came from and who I was born to, so I am going to love my nose too. Bonnie, your nose is part of who you are -- it makes you YOU, so you should love it. :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't say I hated how I look. I said in these particular pictures I hate the way my nose looked. I could have chosen to not post them. Instead, I did post them and shared my struggle with not liking something about myself in a picture. I think it's something a lot of people can relate to.
ReplyDeleteI really don't get this logic that not liking something about yourself means you're immature.
Well, they are my most comfortable boots. They feel like bedroom slippers. So, I'll do my best to comply!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I see the similarities. She's cute!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Catherine! No plans yet for New Year's. We shall see...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Janine!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Yes, you are right, a pimple would trump my nose! I hate them!
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom, Anna! Thank you!
Thanks, Melanie! It is hard, but I'm so thankful that the kids have adjusted wonderfully. I'm the one who's a mess. You're right, though, it is getting less weird.
ReplyDeleteLove this flower clip! It's one of the few hair accessories I've gotten from Anthro that hasn't fallen apart. A lot of their hair accessories are barely glued together. Sorry about your mopey Christmas! Yes, let's hope for a better New Year!
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry. I know, I'm too emotional. Just one of my many flaws. I love you.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like depression is happening again for you when you mention the focus on yourself and your shortcomings a lot. I hope you will mention to your therapist. Sorry to hear.
ReplyDeletetotally agree, Kty
ReplyDeleteGirl, this seems like a perfect time to mention to you that you so often remind me of a British actress named Lucy Griffiths (you can see in her many Youtube videos; she was in the BBC Series Robin Hood - if you want to see her, look for "Guy and Marian" or "Guy of Gisborne" or some variation (they've got a lot of serious fans, those two). Anyway, she's absolutely beautiful and I've often thought when I see your photos how you two look like sisters. She's got your exact nose and eyes - seriously - you might have to catch it at just the right angle but it's your nose and it's gorgeous on her just like it is on you. And I've also thought to myself how I wish I had your long elegant legs instead of my short sturdy little ones. Girl you've got to see yourself through some new eyeballs, heh. :) I wish you well!
ReplyDelete" Its one thing to self-reflect and decide to become more [responsible, generous, patient, hard-working, etc], but to obsess over one's nose (that they've had on their face for 20+ years) seems counterproductive and annoying."
ReplyDeleteAnd you are the one to decide when reflecting has become obsession, huh? I imagine you were made the arbiter of "nose obsession" by some internationally ordained organization; you should probably post the title under your name, so people won't argue with you that your perceptions are rather arbitrarily decided by your own whims and self-righteousness.