Dress: Anthropologie Bronwen Dress
Shoes: Civico 10
Jewelry: The Limited
"Like a patient on a table, I wanna walk again. Gonna move through the pain. Sometimes it never came. Still moving through the pain." - Arcade Fire
I woke up at 4am this morning in pain. It was another IC flare up. As I got out my heating pad and popped a Xanax, I kept repeating to myself, "I hate my life." When you're in pain, it's the most lonely feeling in the world. You feel like you are the only person who has ever felt this way and that you are going to feel this way forever. All hope seems to vanish. Nothing exists but you and the pain. Once the Xanax kicked in, I fell asleep and woke up 5 hours later feeling much better.
With each flare up I find myself getting more and more frustrated. It's such a weird disorder. I don't even know what causes it. It could be any number of things. I thought it was stress, but I didn't feel particularly stressed out last night. Could it be what I ate or drank? Could it be sex? That would serve me right, huh? There are so many questions and very little answers. I feel like I have this dark cloud hanging over me, and I never know when it's going to storm. I want to be better, and I want to be better now!
However, life doesn't work that way. We can't always get what we want, and we sure as hell can't get it in the time frame we want it. We have to wait, be patient, and get through each day the best way we know how. When I'm in pain and feeling lonely, I try to think about all the other people out there who are going through something similar or worse. We hear about these things all the time, but we can't really relate until we get down ourselves. Last night when I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I thought about all the people out there fighting their way through pain just like me: My mom has been struggling with nerve pain in her hand for years now. A relative was just admitted to the hospital for chest pain. A friend spent Thanksgiving in the hospital because her body is rejecting the kidney she received in a transplant. Pain is everywhere. It strikes everyone in some form or another. This is why we need to cherish the good times in life. I had a great Thanksgiving holiday. This week has not started off great, but I will be patient and fight my way to another day, because, who knows, tomorrow might be one of the good ones.
047 - Arcade Fire - We Used To Wait