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Dress: Anthropologie Bronwen Dress
Sweater: Ruche
Shoes: Civico 10
Jewelry: The Limited

"Like a patient on a table, I wanna walk again. Gonna move through the pain. Sometimes it never came. Still moving through the pain." - Arcade Fire

I woke up at 4am this morning in pain. It was another IC flare up. As I got out my heating pad and popped a Xanax, I kept repeating to myself, "I hate my life." When you're in pain, it's the most lonely feeling in the world. You feel like you are the only person who has ever felt this way and that you are going to feel this way forever. All hope seems to vanish. Nothing exists but you and the pain. Once the Xanax kicked in, I fell asleep and woke up 5 hours later feeling much better. 

With each flare up I find myself getting more and more frustrated. It's such a weird disorder. I don't even know what causes it. It could be any number of things. I thought it was stress, but I didn't feel particularly stressed out last night. Could it be what I ate or drank? Could it be sex? That would serve me right, huh? There are so many questions and very little answers. I feel like I have this dark cloud hanging over me, and I never know when it's going to storm. I want to be better, and I want to be better now!

However, life doesn't work that way. We can't always get what we want, and we sure as hell can't get it in the time frame we want it. We have to wait, be patient, and get through each day the best way we know how. When I'm in pain and feeling lonely, I try to think about all the other people out there who are going through something similar or worse. We hear about these things all the time, but we can't really relate until we get down ourselves. Last night when I wanted to feel sorry for myself, I thought about all the people out there fighting their way through pain just like me: My mom has been struggling with nerve pain in her hand for years now. A relative was just admitted to the hospital for chest pain. A friend spent Thanksgiving in the hospital because her body is rejecting the kidney she received in a transplant. Pain is everywhere. It strikes everyone in some form or another. This is why we need to cherish the good times in life. I had a great Thanksgiving holiday. This week has not started off great, but I will be patient and fight my way to another day, because, who knows, tomorrow might be one of the good ones.  

047 - Arcade Fire - We Used To Wait



  1. Hi Bonnie...In response to your IC and the possibility of it relating to sex, this comment will be really personal and icky, so you probably shouldn't post it. I don't believe I have IC, but I have experienced cystitis which sounds very similar (painful and frequent urination that feels like something tugging painfully on the inside). Even though they're not exactly the same (yours sounds more serious), I thought I'd share my experience with you just in case it might help. I normally experience it after sex. I admit, there have been times where I'm just so tired afterwards that I just fall asleep, and then I pay for it a couple of days later with pain. I found out that the best way to prevent it is to clean your lady parts thoroughly before sex and after sex. It is also important to urinate after sex to flush out the bacteria that could have gotten in during intercourse. You might already know all of this but thought I should share it just in case since it took me a while to figure that out. Email me if you have any questions!

  2. Hope you do have a great day tomorrow Ms. Johnson.

  3. Bonnie you look beautiful in this dress! I missed out on this one on Black Friday, but seeing it on you has made me want to see if I can track one down!! Do you mind my asking what size you went with. I could not decided whether to size down or not. I wish I could find one on pop back online because Anthro just sent me a 25% off any online order as an apology for my cancelled BF order. How cool would it be to get the 25% off on the last day of free shipping?! So not gonna happen, but it would be cool. :)

  4. Thanks Jenn! I got a size 4 and have plenty of room, so definitely size down. It's very loose fitting up top, so a cami is a must. I know this doesn't help with the 25% off, but my store had another size 4 available when I was there on Friday, so if that's the size you need, you might want to call there. It's the Durham, NC store. I also got a 25% off any online order. Looks like Christmas may be coming early for us! LOL!

  5. JennJ,
    Free shipping has been extended until Dec 31!! So you can wait and order something by Dec 8 and still use the 25% and get free shipping (just spend $100 for the free shipping).

  6. I had no idea you had IC. I'm sorry. I know that has to be painful. I've just had UTI's and they're painful...I can't imagine having IC. Hope this flare up ends soon!

  7. Hi Bonnie, Sorry I haven't commented in a long time. I have been SO BUSY taking care of hubby. He is doing much better now and I am back at work full-time, as well. Have you noticed how much more positive and happy your blog posts are? Since I haven't read for a while I had to read about 5 of them. Even though you had some days, you really sound like you are getting better. I am SO HAPPY for that for you. I know it is a long race but it is NOT A SPRINT - it is a marathon. So pace yourself and do what you can when you can. I mean that with the most kindness and love towards you. You are an amazing woman and I am in awe of you every single time I read your blog (even if it might feel sad to you, I can see the positive in them). Big Hugs! xoxo

    (OH- and your outfit here is gorgeous!!! I love it on you for fall....the mustardy-yellow cardi on top is the perfect accessory to this dress.)

  8. Hi Sherry! So good to hear from you! Glad your hubby is doing better.

    Despite my bladder issues, I am doing really good. I'm in the best place mentally I have ever been in my life. I'm so in love and so happy! As always, thank you for your positive encouragement! Don't be a stranger!


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