For Real

Top: Anthropologie Catalan Tee - Size S

Skirt: Anthropologie Field Game Skirt - Size 6

Boots: Frye Paige Tall Riding Boots - Size 8.5

"I don't know who's behind the wheel. Sometimes I feel like that I don't know the deal. When I tell you how I feel, believe me when I say it's real." - Real Estate

On Saturday, I was a little depressed, so I thought it would help to have a good laugh. To facilitate this, Jerry and I decided to watch a little bit of George Carlin on Netflix. Now, I'm not big into comedy. I absolutely loathe sitcoms, romcoms, and comedic movies. I find most of that stuff too over the top. However, give me something logically funny that I can relate to in real life, and I'll laugh my ass off. So, naturally George Carlin is my favorite comedian, and coincidentally, he's Jerry's favorite too. It was good therapy to watch old George spew out his bitterness and disdain for society in the form of comedy. I love how he owns his opinions, however unconventional they may be, and makes no apologies for them. I strive to be like that. However, it's so hard to do when you've been programmed your entire life for what's socially acceptable and been told not to deviate off that course even when every fiber of your being is telling you it's the wrong way. When you finally decide to take control of your life, it's equally as hard to receive critiques on how to live it from complete strangers and respond each time in a polite and socially pleasing manner. 

On my last post, I attempted to make light of the seriously nasty things that people have said about me, and I got called out by some readers for being bitter. Sigh...I can't win. It seems the only acceptable response in these situations is to delete the nasty comments and pretend like they never existed. Believe me, I do delete the really nasty ones, but I don't see the point in deleting comments where the commenter simply doesn't agree with me. I also don't see the harm in defending myself and my decisions.

In all honesty, I don't understand what people get out of reading hundreds of comments that all say some form of "you are the most awesome person ever." I like a little variety. It's more real. Besides, the whole point of all the changes I've made recently is to live my life more authentically. What I had before was a facade, and the path of least resistance. I don't want to paint a picture of this perfect life when my life is far from it. I want readers who may be facing some of the same difficult decisions as me to understand the backlash for following your heart.

So, readers, go if you must. I've lost many readers on this journey of mine, some I really miss and some "not so much." The only thing I can do is be true to myself and write down my honest feelings. Sometimes I may second guess those feelings or beat them into the ground. I may grate on your nerves or make decisions you don't agree with, but I'm not going to apologize for who I am. I may not be loved by as many people, but I'm loved by those who count, and, most importantly, that love is real.