Robe: Spell and the Gypsy Luna Short Robe

Pants and Tank: American Eagle

"Then I see you, you're walking 'cross the campus, cruel professor, studying romances." - Vampire Weekend

These photos aren't the best quality. They were taken on a balmy night back in August with my Iphone. After a long day of visiting my son at his university, Jerry and I decided to go exploring around the campus. We came upon this graffitied tunnel called the "Free Expression Tunnel." It was instantly my favorite spot. I much preferred this colorful shrine to the thoughts, ideas and creativity of the students over the usual stuffy and pretentious university trappings.

In my last post, I talked about how I had engaged in some research over the years and worked on myself as a person. Self-help books and websites were a big part of that journey, but another source that was and still is of great help to me is a YouTube channel called The School of Life. Some of the videos on this channel were an epiphany for me. The very first video I watched perfectly described and explained things I had struggled with my entire life. Tears streamed down my face as I watched it, because it hit so close to home. It felt like I was finally understood. Even Jerry doesn't fully understand my level of self-loathing.  

The School of Life covers all kinds of topics like self-help, relationships, and philosophy. I find that its views on most things align with my own. Its views on relationships in particular are interesting... Longtime readers of this blog will recall that I was relentlessly attacked, because I divulged the details of my affair. I was told that I should be ashamed and that it was cruel for me speak of it even on my own platform. I was labeled all kinds of unpleasant things by complete strangers and told by many of them that I "stole" Jerry. I was also told that Jerry would eventually cheat on me because he's a "cheater." I always maintained that I would prefer for him to be with someone else if he didn't want to be with me. Yes, it would be painful to let him go, but because I love him, I would always want to see him happy even if that meant not being with me. I balked at this notion that people have to stay together out of duty and that people somehow "own" each other like property and can be "stolen." I was made to feel like my views on relationships were that of a disturb, depraved individual.

Well, imagine my feeling of validation when I watched several School of Life videos on affairs and discovered that they pretty much agreed with me. I can no longer find the videos, but I did find this transcript of one of them here. Basically, The School of Life maintains that attitudes towards affairs have changed throughout history and that they are so frowned upon in modern times as a result of the Romanticism movement. They propose that it is unrealistic to believe that a marriage can fulfill all of one's needs. An ideal society would be one in which people marry for love but would be able to fulfill other needs outside of the marriage, including sex. However, this is a near impossibility because of the part of human brains that causes jealousy. This is definitely a sticking point for me. I know that I couldn't help but feel jealous and upset if Jerry wanted to be with someone else, and he has told me that he feels the same about me. However, I know logically that it is a much healthier attitude to want those we love to be happy and to not try to hold onto them because of our egos. Thankfully, Jerry and I have so far had a fulfilling relationship on multiple levels. Perhaps because we have agreed to never get married we don't have the psychological pressure of staying together out of a formal societal commitment. Also, we have made an agreement that if either of us is no longer happy and wants out of the relationship that we will do our best to go our separate ways peacefully and with love. I know, easier said than done, but that’s the goal.

You may not agree with me on any of this, and I respect that. It is a complicated issue that stirs up many emotions. I don't judge people who feel differently about these things. It just helped me to know that not every person out there sees me as some kind of monster, because it certainly felt like that for awhile. I now realize that how people feel about my affair has more to do with current societal norms and less to do with my value as a human being. My only regret is that I wish I had discovered The School of Life 10 years ago. It is my hope that through this blog post I can help some other lost and lonely soul find their way.