tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post6714868528724495888..comments2023-09-08T05:50:02.938-04:00Comments on Small Town Fashionista: Raking It InBonniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06570402319337666763noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-9549163299620758392011-10-01T23:47:30.779-04:002011-10-01T23:47:30.779-04:00Thanks for your thoughts on this, Jerry. I've ...Thanks for your thoughts on this, Jerry. I've read what Bonnie has to say about it, too, and I'm beginning to understand that the emails weren't posted recklessly or with any kind of bad intentions. We all have an amazing ability to heal, both physically and emotionally, but sometimes people actually WANT to stubbornly hang onto their anger, and in that case, there's nothing you can do. It's not your responsibility to try and fix that. All the best to you, Bonnie, and whoever else this has affected.Skittlewinksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-69203288698927438362011-10-01T14:44:43.740-04:002011-10-01T14:44:43.740-04:00We should keep in mind that all the parties here a...We should keep in mind that all the parties here are living this every day. It's not like they read these and found out much new, or shocking information. There was nothing in the content placed to belittle them, nor was there malice. It was the nature of how this unfolded. I think that might help everyone involved to have closure. To know we weren't sitting back laughing or taking it lightly. That we were struggling with the "right thing to do" and staying where we were was becoming less and less the right answer to that question for everyone involved. I think the e-mails show that, so maybe that will help. Just to know that. I also agree that reading them could be a painful process, so that warrants some thought. Thanks for your well wishes. I too hope this can be a rocky time in everyones past, sooner better than later.Comesinwavesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-50020624377213663582011-10-01T12:13:50.872-04:002011-10-01T12:13:50.872-04:00Jerry, I started out very much against Bonnie, not...Jerry, I started out very much against Bonnie, not because she left a sad and lifeless marriage, but because she posted all of those emails. I still don't agree with the email postings, but I find myself having a lot more compassion for her than I did before. Bonnie just happens to be a very likable person. What I'm curious about is how you feel about your wife and son possibly reading the falling-in-love emails? I think that's the part that most people have had a hard time with. I hope that time will heal all of you and that everyone involved will be able to move forward with peace of mind. I'm fairly new to this blog and have really been enjoying Bonnie's great fashion sense and down-to-earth personality. She's so different from most fashion bloggers, and I mean that in a good way. The outfit in this post, from head to toe, is my favorite so far.Skittlewinksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-1265613100247453472011-09-30T16:48:04.755-04:002011-09-30T16:48:04.755-04:00Not sure about the circles. Thought I was fairly s...Not sure about the circles. Thought I was fairly straight forward. A "handle" is a term for nick name, or screen name. It's some old school shit. I guess that didn't translate well. "comes in waves" is from a Decemberist song. It wasn't meant to be over thought. Bonnie got it, so maybe you're right about code. It was referring to my wanting her. It comes in waves. Was anything else confusing?Comesinwavesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-21572199009554392832011-09-30T14:57:51.085-04:002011-09-30T14:57:51.085-04:00You talk in circles...unless it is in code for Bon...You talk in circles...unless it is in code for Bonnie or something. Handle? Huh? You lost me there. It is easy to recognize your writing now, Jerry now that we have all seen so many emails.Intriguednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-64139392985292697252011-09-30T14:55:30.831-04:002011-09-30T14:55:30.831-04:00What you don't understand is that she doesn...What you don't understand is that she doesn't have to say WHY. It's a blog. She types/shares what she wants. There is not an editor that she has to explain or run her postings through before their posted. She does not have to answer your questions. You can ask yourself why all you want. She is not oblidged in any way to answer you. WHY do you care so much???Cindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-53501986693776358192011-09-30T13:38:07.401-04:002011-09-30T13:38:07.401-04:00Turns out I'm not as transparent as she is. I ...Turns out I'm not as transparent as she is. I didn't want my comments to be skewed by who I was. I read the blog and felt a need to comment. There was no collusion on Bonnie's part, but like yourself she recognized me right away. The first thing she said was that it would have been fine had I used my real name also. On the other hand I wasn't so very interested in keeping it a secret. The handle kind of gives it away.Comesinwavesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-13793250995168276682011-09-30T10:38:15.665-04:002011-09-30T10:38:15.665-04:00Okay, Jerry, what's up with the screen name?Okay, Jerry, what's up with the screen name?Intriguednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-38183674819603389562011-09-30T09:55:47.189-04:002011-09-30T09:55:47.189-04:00... maybe...... maybe...Comesinwavesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-73711185570120661312011-09-29T23:18:57.808-04:002011-09-29T23:18:57.808-04:00Which studies are these? Who are they by? Sample p...Which studies are these? Who are they by? Sample population and sample size?Victorianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-56686410526128369942011-09-29T22:04:53.639-04:002011-09-29T22:04:53.639-04:00This has to be Jerry commenting. Is "Comesin...This has to be Jerry commenting. Is "Comesinwaves" Jerry?Intriguednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-81011062587704066712011-09-29T21:35:07.599-04:002011-09-29T21:35:07.599-04:00If 15%-40% cheat that doesn't leave very few w...If 15%-40% cheat that doesn't leave very few who don't. It means that the majority don't. (I'm not sure how "thinking about" cheating can be assessed.) The majority of comments take issue with the posting of the emails and her lack of concern for the other parties involved. <br /><br />I know many people who have been married for years (myself included.) Of course, many marriages don't last. I think there's a lot to be said for being honest and open WHILE married, facing up to the fact that things aren't working out, giving it your best shot and walking away if things aren't fixable. To sneak around, have a secret affair, then publish the emails? That "openness" and "transparency" rings hollow. <br /><br />Honestly, those who are posting congratulations on "finding your soulmate who you'll be with forever" seemanonymousparent60@yahoo.comnaive in the extreme. As you've noted, plenty of relationships don't last. The the odds of this lasting seem slim. (Multiple studies show that odds of divorces are much higher if the spouses were previously divorced.) Good luck to her. <br /><br />I don't think she does it for positive feedback either. For some people, any attention is good attention. (And no, her blog did not get lots of hits when it was fashion-related, probably because the looks aren't anything special. From the view counter she has posted it seems like the affair stuff has been a hit! ) I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that people are "worked up." I think it's mostly amused incredulity at her vanity. People get a chuckle out of it (from "I'm too smart for CBT" to the silly emails to the "deep" quotes.)Anonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-29467381967434482102011-09-29T17:02:29.958-04:002011-09-29T17:02:29.958-04:00I'm not sure what the all caps are for. That i...I'm not sure what the all caps are for. That is unique isn't it? That living your life transparently thing, warts and all. It is unorthodox, but it's not as ethically clean cut as we might like to believe. Sure she's making mistakes, and those mistakes are seen by all, but that's the way life goes. What if we all were a little less driven to hide our personal lives in a cloak of shame? Maybe people could learn things vicariously and not make the same mistakes themselves. Maybe the mistakes we've all hidden in the past are what drive us to defend our public discretions, and chastise these posts.uglyinsidenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-85049561077188513542011-09-29T14:48:53.385-04:002011-09-29T14:48:53.385-04:00But we wouldn't necessarily POST THE EMAILS F...But we wouldn't necessarily POST THE EMAILS FROM OUR DEVELOPING AFFAIRS ON THE INTERNET.guestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-70465158824766312602011-09-29T14:07:07.321-04:002011-09-29T14:07:07.321-04:00Well, considering that studies have found that bet...Well, considering that studies have found that between 15% and 40% of people in monogamous relationships cheat (the numbers depending on age and relationships status), these people I know are pretty typical. Plus, once you factor in the people who have thought about cheating but haven't/wouldn't do it, the numbers get pretty high. <br /><br />I'm not saying that cheating is good or healthy, just that it's not as rare as one would like to imagine.Rebeccanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-75581708004979526792011-09-29T13:26:23.643-04:002011-09-29T13:26:23.643-04:00"I know very, very few people who have been m..."I know very, very few people who have been married for any length of time who have not cheated, thought about cheating, or developed a serious crush on someone other than their spouse."<br />That seems....I mean...who are these people you know? Yikes!Guest2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-77899618105640804372011-09-29T13:13:27.426-04:002011-09-29T13:13:27.426-04:00I think your assessment is pretty much spot-on.
...I think your assessment is pretty much spot-on. <br /><br />One other thing I find interesting is how worked up people are getting when situations like Bonnie's are so common. I know very, very few people who have been married for any length of time who have not cheated, thought about cheating, or developed a serious crush on someone other than their spouse. As much as we, as a society, want to believe that marriage is forever, the truth is, relationships fail. We make the wrong choices. We grow apart. We find someone who is a better match for us. While I think that most of us recognize this, I think it is also scary to think about. None of us want to think that we could be Bonnie (or Jerry), but the truth is, we all could, but virtue of being fallible and being human. I think that seeing what we're capable of--written out--without apologies--hits a lot of nerves because it breaks through that "Brady Bunch version of life" that has become all too common these days. As you said, people don't like those moral grey areas.Rebeccanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-33028247894815419342011-09-29T11:34:05.787-04:002011-09-29T11:34:05.787-04:00Wut?Wut?guestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-57955447202241429232011-09-29T08:59:03.171-04:002011-09-29T08:59:03.171-04:00Transparency:
Bonnie gives the masses more fuel t...Transparency:<br /> Bonnie gives the masses more fuel than they need to tear her apart because of her need to live an open life. It appears she has tried to live according to conventional suppression and is now trying the polar opposite. It makes us uncomfortable about our black and white morals when we view them in this real world forum of grey area. Perhaps that's why we have so many opinions that seem clinical and primary, this need to say "My world view is right! Yours is wrong." That's easier to say here because the muddy real life version she gives isn't an academic example. It's her life. Perhaps this makes her appear weak, or damaged. I don't think she does it for positive feedback. She could be all cutesy and give us the Brady Bunch version of life, pretending to be some fantasy. That would be an instant formula for quirky comments and get her lots of hits. I think she has made this forum hers. It's not like anything out there... well except the bashing comments, they're pretty predictable, and even the fact that they make it through the filter is unique. This is the best answer I have for the constant why being asked here. Dissect it. tear it down and rebuild into what you want it to be. It's just one person's opinion.<br /><br />I think I'm supposed to say something about fashion... <br />The fact that the sweater is the exact same shade as the big rusty wheel thingy is a little too matchy, matchy for my taste :)Comesinwavesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-548042620054594492011-09-29T00:37:16.694-04:002011-09-29T00:37:16.694-04:00Part of me wonders if the reason Bonnie decided to...Part of me wonders if the reason Bonnie decided to post the emails in all their detail is possibly one last attempt to reach out to her parents, so they may attempt to begin to understand her perspective in all of this. Apparently she has tried communicating in other ways, but they seem very stubborn and closed off. Perhaps she hopes they secretly read the blog? Although portions of the emails paint them in an unfavorable light, it seems evident that Bonnie is still seeking a positive relationship with them. Just a thought.guestnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-42509182078283255652011-09-28T21:53:21.230-04:002011-09-28T21:53:21.230-04:00How anyone could be smug and proud over breaking u...How anyone could be smug and proud over breaking up a marriage and leaving her own kids (even if it is only one week at a time) is absolutely disgusting. You are completely shameless and your actions gravely shameful. You actually sicken me. <br /><br />I feel awful for your children, Robin and Steve and I don't know how you can even sleep at night or look at your disgusting self in the mirror.Unsolicitedfruitbasketnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-8753651312013564322011-09-28T21:46:13.931-04:002011-09-28T21:46:13.931-04:00Your outfit is gorgeous Bonnie -- and great photos...Your outfit is gorgeous Bonnie -- and great photos too. I might try to replicate this whole outfit... Now if I could only train my boyfriend to take good photos... Sigh...Dalittlebearnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-6070410996091203732011-09-28T21:12:31.942-04:002011-09-28T21:12:31.942-04:00You've got some gorgeous colors going on in th...You've got some gorgeous colors going on in this post! Green is great on you :-)Courtneyhttp://wheremygreengrassgrows.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-68740161215497236752011-09-28T20:09:10.134-04:002011-09-28T20:09:10.134-04:00I love your dress :) It's really cute :)
xxI love your dress :) It's really cute :)<br />xxDeehttp://aeuropeananthrogirl.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2493987722691542290.post-5819370096969328382011-09-28T19:29:11.588-04:002011-09-28T19:29:11.588-04:00I just wanted to wish you, Jerry and your children...I just wanted to wish you, Jerry and your children all the happiness you deserve and to share a quote that I am finding helpful in my current situation. <br /><br />"What other people think of me is none of my business."<br />Ru Paul <br /><br />All the best. <br />BBekahnoreply@blogger.com